Mi Choza De Nipa

By Dr James Dobson Take all the problems associated with parenting and multiply them by two. Now you have some idea of what I call the single-parent blues : Having twice the problems, with half the resources to deal with them. How do the blues get started? Often, it’s with the single parents themselves. Unwittingly, those parents will pass on their own stress points to their kids. Take, for example, the issue of self-esteem . Children in single-parent homes are more likely to fight and compete with one another for love and acceptance. Why? Because the parent is struggling with these very feelings themselves and has only a limited amount to share with the children. Bitterness is another transferable commodity. If a parent feels resentment over the death of a spouse or has anger against a departing husband or wife, the children will often display feelings of anger and bitterness that they can’t explain. A harsh attitude by the remaining parent can deeply wound children who ma...

Image via Wikipedia By Dr James Dobson If self-esteem is something we value for our sons and daughters, maybe it would be helpful to assist them in achieving it. It seems like every teenager has to come along today and bump his head on the same ol’ rock , experiencing those terrible feelings of inferiority and inadequacy. To help kids minimise that experience, I’ve found it beneficial to talk to them about confidence long before adolescence has arrived. For example, when a young child meets another who’s too shy to speak or even look at him, you might say afterwards, “Did you notice that Jimmy didn’t look at anyone when he spoke? Why do you suppose he seemed so embarrassed when he was talking to us? Do you think he doesn’t have much confidence in himself?” And as the primary school years unfold, you can talk openly about feelings of low self-worth, and how they translate into action. When we train our children in this way — to see others in a truer light, while preserving t...

Image by The Library of Congress via Flickr By Dr James Dobson We talked last time about the life-long consequences of divorce on children , but what about parent-child separation that occurs for reasons other than divorce? Recent research confirms that the consequences of any parent-child separation are severe. In one study of fathers whose jobs required them to be away from their families for long periods of time, the children tended to experience numerous specific reactions, including anger, rejection, depression , low self-esteem , and inevitably a decline in school performance. I think I understand at least in small measure, the pain of that separation. In fact I experienced it for a short time when I was six years old. My mother and father left me with my aunt for six months while they traveled. Even today I can remember vividly the evening they left. I sat on my mother's lap while she told me how much she loved me and how she and my father would come back for me as so...

By Dr James Dobson Flattery will get you nowhere, we're told. That's not necessarily true in most areas of life, but it's surprisingly accurate when you're dealing with children . When it comes to children, flattery or inflationary praise is unnecessary, and it'll get you nowhere. When Junior is told over and over that his every move is wonderful, he quickly catches onto your verbal game, and your words lose their meaning. Therefore it's important to distinguish between the concepts of flattery vs. praise. Flattery is unearned. Flattery occurs when you heap compliments on the child for something general that he or she did not achieve. Praise, on the other hand, is used to reinforce positive, constructive behaviour. It should be highly specific, rather than general. An honest praise from mothers and fathers is more likely to result in high self-esteem in their children. As parents, we need to be on the lookout for opportunities to offer genuine, well-deserved ...

Image by carf via Flickr By Dr James Dobson If there's one lesson parents need to learn most urgently, it's to guard what they say in the presence of their children . Many times following speaking engagements, I've been approached by a mother about a problem her child was having. As mum was speaking, I noticed the subject of the conversation standing just behind, his little ears stretched as he listened to a candid description of his faults. I visibly flinch when a parent unintentionally disassembles a child's esteem this way. It's not just insensitive parents who do this. I once referred a bright nine-year-old boy to a neurologist because of severe learning problems. After giving the boy an examination, the doctor called in his parents, and discussed the details of the boy's brain damage in front of his little patient. It was as if he could not hear those words, or comprehend the insult they carried. Sensitivity is the key. It means tuning into the thoughts...

By Dr Bill Maier Babies get their self-image from their parents, and those around them. But as they grow older and more independent, self-esteem comes from another source. As toddlers work to master new things, their self-image comes from accomplishment. You can see it on their faces the first time they take a few steps on their own. They stagger and fall and get back up again. Then suddenly they take several steps forward, and their eyes light up with excitement. If they could talk, they'd be shouting: "I did it!" And you can tell how proud they are. The best thing a parent can do during these moments is to dote over them, and tell them, "Look what you can do! You can walk all by yourself!" It's these small achievements that help kids develop a healthy self-esteem later in life. So let them do things on their own, and then don't forget to praise them when they succeed. From TODAY, Voices – Wednesday, 03-Jun-2009 Related articles by Zemanta 7 W...