From TODAY, Voices

Friday December 12, 2008

 

By Dr James Dobson

 

Psychologists used to believe that attention deficit disorder, or ADD, went away when children reached puberty. That’s what I was taught in graduate school.

 

But we now know that the problem is a lifelong condition.

 

Many adults with ADD learn to be less disorganised and impulsive as they get older. They channel their energy into sports and often gravitate toward professions that keep them active and busy. Many function quite well in life, as long as they can stay away from desk jobs. Outside of work, these adults are often attracted to high-risk activities such as rock-climbing and bungee jumping.

 

Others, however, have trouble settling on a career or holding down a job. They flit from one task to another and seldom follow through on projects they start. They are usually more susceptible to drug use, alcoholism or other addictive behaviours.

 

If you’re the parent of a child with ADD, the key is to hang on and not lose heart. Teach them to channel their energies while they’re young and chances are, they will use that same approach when they reach adulthood. The odds are that they will grow to be happy and productive people, well into their later years. 

 

BONDING DURING COURTSHIP

From TODAY, Voices

Thursday December 11, 2008

 

By Dr James Dobson

 

When I was a kid, I always wanted to build a model airplane out of balsa like my friends did, but I was never successful. Why? Simply because I was too impatient to wait for the glue to dry. I just couldn’t keep my hands off the pieces long enough for them to congeal.

 

A researcher, Dr Desmond Morris, spent years trying to determine why some couples have difficulty experiencing true intimacy together. He found that the problem can usually be traced to courtship days when the bond between young men and women failed to develop. What interfered with that bond? It was the tendency to rush into physical intimacy too early in the relationship.

 

Instead of taking the time to know each other to talk, laugh, and share their lover’s secrets, they began passionate kissing on the first date and were in bed shortly thereafter.

 

This rush to sexual experimentation actually interferes with the development of emotional intimacy and it continues to weaken the marital bond even years later.

 

The bottom line is this: Couples expecting to marry someday should slow down the progression of their physical relationship. Friendship must come first if the bond is to be cemented.

 

In other words, they need to wait for the glue to dry. 

 

OF MACHINES AND MEN

From TODAY, Voices

Wednesday December 10, 2008

 

By Dr James Dobson

 

A few years ago I saw a computerised chess set in a store featuring a sign inviting customers to play the game. I took the bait.

 

The device had a mechanical arm that reached out and moved the pieces. That was impressive enough. What bothered me, however, was its smug attitude. The device was programmed to taunt mere mortals like me. On the end of its mechanical arm were two hand-like devices that clapped wildly when it made a tricky move. It led me into a deadly trap and then sat there and applauded itself.

 

I can’t tell you how intimidating it was to be mocked by a machine that knew I wasn’t so hot and then told everybody in the store about it. But in a sense, that encounter is symbolic of the confusing times in which we live. New technology stresses our ability to cope and understand. Everything seems more complicated compared to the old days when life was slower and more predictable.

 

That’s why I’m glad there’s still a place in this world for that which is low-tech, or notech, such as cuddly dogs, walks in the park and friends coming over for tea. We can’t stop the onslaught of technology, but we can still enjoy the simple things in life. 

 

From TODAY, Voices

Tuesday December 9, 2008

 

By Dr James Dobson

 

Many studies are showing now that instability in the marital relationship has a profound effect on children. For example, researchers at the Oregon Social Learning Centre tracked the behaviour of 201 school boys who lived in higher crime areas. They found that the boys who had sexual intercourse at an early age tended to be those who had experienced two or more parental transitions, divorce, remarriage, or re-partnering. Only 18 per cent of those promiscuous boys came from intact families. By contrast, 57 per cent of the virgins came from homes where divorce had not occurred.

 

A similar study found that a strong correlation existed between young women who bore babies out of wedlock and those who had been through a change in family structure while growing up. In study after study, we see that divorce, single parenting, and disruption are unhealthy for children.

 

This is not to criticise anyone in those circumstances, but we cannot deny that intact, two-parent families are the healthiest for kids, and contribute to a stable society. Our public policies and our tax laws should favour and encourage family stability. 

 

From TODAY, Voices

Friday December 5, 2008

 

By Dr Bill Maier

 

Experts have spent a lot of effort trying to pinpoint why some women struggle with anorexia or bulimia or other eating disorders.

 

They’ve blamed everything – from a chemical imbalance to it being heredity – yet still admit that they really cannot say for sure.

 

Doctors often put the blame on parents, and parents point to the hundreds of magazine and TV ads showing pencil thin models as the standard for beauty.

 

Everyone you talk to has a different take on the subject. But there’s one thing that they all agree on: Eating disorders are brought on by low self-esteem.

 

How we feel about ourselves affects every aspect of our lives — including our diet.

 

And the first step in curing a disorder is to begin accepting yourself. Sometimes it takes a good therapist to help you get to that point, so don’t be afraid to call someone if you struggle with this issue. 

 

From TODAY, Voices

Thursday December 4, 2008

 

By Dr Bill Maier

 

It’s not unusual for a wife to want to talk about the state of her marriage.

 

“Are we close enough?”

 

“Is there something more we should be doing?”

 

Some women have a tendency to worry, even when things are going well. But men tend to think: “If it ain’t broke, why fix it?”

 

And this can cause a lot of friction — especially when women mistake their contentment for apathy.

 

Simply being aware of these differences can help. When a wife brings up a topic, it doesn’t mean that something is wrong.

 

She just needs to talk in order to be reassured. And when your husband pulls into a shell, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t care. It could just be his personality.

 

Before jumping to conclusions, try to recognise how your mate deals with conflict. A little understanding goes a long way toward diffusing marital strife. 

 

A HEALTHY VIEW OF DATING

From TODAY, Voices

Wednesday December 3, 2008

 

By Dr Bill Maier

 

How far is too far in a dating relationship? It’s something you should talk about with your children long before they start dating.

 

Conversations about dating may seem awkward, but they need to happen.

 

And it’s important to be clear about your expectations.

 

For example, it’s not enough to simply warn your daughter not to get “too physical” with a boy.

 

She may have an entirely different view of what you mean by “too physical”. The key is to be specific, and leave no room for misunderstanding.

 

Also, make sure they understand the family standards for dating.

 

Set clear rules regarding curfews and conduct. And be clear about where they are and aren’t allowed to go – and with whom.

 

Above all, make sure they understand that healthy boundaries in dating exist for their own protection.