FOCUS ON THE FAMILY

 

From TODAY, Voices

Wednesday, 04-March-2009

 

By Dr James Dobson

 

One sure way for parents to damage their child’s self-esteem is to play the comparison game.

 

It’s human nature for us to measure our ability and worth against others. The question is not “how am I doing?” It’s “how am I doing compared to Steve or Susan or Paul?”

 

And nowhere are these comparisons more prevalent than in childhood. Each boy or girl measures himself against his peers, and assesses his ability, his competence and his worth based on how he matches up.

 

The problem arises when parents get into the act. Mum and Dad want to know how their child ranks in school testing, or who sprints the fastest on the school athletics team.

 

This game is destructive in the long run. In fact, I believe this kind of comparison is the root of all feelings of inferiority. The child will weigh his greatest weakness against the strengths of his peers, which emphasises his inadequacy.

 

How much better it is to focus on your child’s unique strengths and abilities, applauding growth and development based solely on his own merit. In the quest to build self-esteem, the child subjected to comparisons usually comes out a loser, while the winners are those who are praised for their own progress.

 

FOCUS ON THE FAMILY

 

From TODAY, Voices

Tuesday, 03-March-2009

 

By Dr James Dobson

 

It’s been said that strong families represent the foundation for a stable and well-ordered society, and it’s true.

 

So much of what brings health and happiness to human beings, especially children, depends on committed family units. That’s why social problems are inevitable when marriages begin to deteriorate.

 

Let’s look at just one way marriage contributes to stability. A certain percentage of junior college graduates tend to increase their consumption of alcohol when they go to university or other pursuits. But a study of 33,000 young adults conducted at the University of Michigan focused on individuals who got engaged, married or became parents. It found that these young men and women quickly decreased their alcohol consumption as marriage typically produces greater self-discipline.

 

As one of the researchers said: “If you feel a responsibility to and for another person, then you’re more apt to control your own behaviour and play a controlling role in your partner’s behaviour.” So that’s the bottom line.

 

When a society is populated by millions of strong, stable families, there’s less poverty, children are healthier and do better in school, violence, crime, and psychiatric illnesses are also less common. In the absence of healthy marriages and commitments to children, societies begin to unravel.

 

FOCUS ON THE FAMILY

 

From TODAY, Voices

Monday, 02-March-2009

 

By Dr James Dobson

 

If you were in National Service, you probably remember a drill they put new recruits through in basic training. You had to put on a protective mask on and enter a room filled with tear gas, and stay there until you were told to leave.

 

I nearly tore the door off of the building when I was finally allowed to “escape”.

 

The sergeant showing us how to put on the masks didn’t have to be a great teacher.

 

If we failed to follow instructions, we were in for a terrible experience in the gas-filled building. In other words, we were motivated to learn.

 

My friend, Dr Cliff Schimmels, defines motivation as the ability of the learner to see the applied value of the lesson to be learned.

 

We need to establish a clear relationship between what our children are asked to do, and where they’ll be able to go when that knowledge has been acquired.

 

Advertisers say, “Sell the sizzle, not the steak.” If we can teach our children the advantages of learning, they’ll want to cultivate their minds.

 

Be a cheerleader for your kids

FOCUS ON THE FAMILY

 

From TODAY, Voices

Friday, 27-February-2009

 

By Dr Bill Maier

 

How you see yourself as an adult depends largely on how your parents saw you when you were young.

 

That’s a good thing to keep in mind when it comes to our own kids.

 

You and I have a huge responsibility when it comes to our kids’ self-image. We set the tone for how they will see themselves throughout their lives.

 

By loving them unconditionally, and believing in them, no matter what, we’re literally setting the stage for a lifetime of healthy self-esteem.

 

People with a healthy self-image are more likely to be successful in all areas of life — from family to business to personal relationships.

 

When we feel good about ourselves, it affects everything we say and do. We’re more likely to try new things, or to take risks that can lead to great accomplishments.

 

Almost all success stories begin with a parent who believed in their child. So set your kids up for greatness! Begin today by being their biggest cheerleader.

 

PARENTING STYLES

FOCUS ON THE FAMILY

 

From TODAY, Voices

Thursday, 26-February-2009

 

By Dr Bill Maier

 

So what’s your “parenting style”? There was a time when there were only two basic styles of parenting – permissive or authoritarian.

 

But today, with all the child-rearing books and tapes on the market, it seems like there are more parenting styles than there are car models!

 

And just about every “expert” claims to have the perfect formula for raising perfect kids.

 

The trouble is, no two kids are alike, and there’s no such thing as a one size-fits-all style of parenting.

 

Some kids respond to discipline quickly, while others are ready to go to war at the first sign of authority.

 

If kids were all created from the same mould, parenting would be pretty easy. But since they’re not, it takes a lot of patience and understanding.

 

So, get to know your kids and learn what works and what doesn’t.

 

The key is common sense and a lot of love and consistency.

 

HARD TIMES

FOCUS ON THE FAMILY

 

From TODAY, Voices

Wednesday, 25-February-2009

 

By Dr Bill Maier

 

How do you deal with the stresses of life?

 

Stressful situations come into all of our lives from time to time.

 

Our kids get sick, our teenager flunks a test, our spouse gets laid off and we spend our days worrying about what might happen.

 

Stress is a common reality and there’s not much we can do about it. But we can determine how we’re going to react to it.

 

There are two things you can do with a stressful turn of events. You can see it as a horrible, unfair thing that you just don’t deserve and say: “Why does this always happen to me?” or you can choose to see it as an opportunity for growth.

 

Ask yourself: “What can I learn from this difficult time?”

 

We can’t always control our situations, but we can control how we respond to them.