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By Dr Bill Maier Are you looking for a good way to strengthen your marriage ? Try playing tennis with your spouse, or going on a bike ride. It is a fact that couples who play together tend to stay together. Men place a great deal of importance on shared activities with their spouse, while women tend to thrive on emotional intimacy , which usually comes through just being together. My wife and I are into hiking and mountain biking and we've used those activities to bond, as well as to build a lot of great memories. Some of our best conversations have taken place on the hiking trail or on the bike path. The quickest way to let passion plummet in a relationship is to disconnect. If he's always off playing golf with his buddies, and she's meeting with her hobby club, emotional intimacy can fall by the wayside. The strongest couples learn to develop shared interests and ...

By Dr Bill Maier Are you wondering if your 12-month-old is ever going to walk? Babies don’t always develop as quickly as we’d like and parents are natural worrywarts. A good friend of ours recalls watching his 13-month-old boy crawling around the room, while a 10-month-old playmate walked circles around him. At the time, he wondered if something might be wrong with his toddler . Of course, he was worried about nothing. Within a few months, he was running with the rest of his friends. No two babies develop at exactly the same rate, and it has nothing to do with intelligence or maturity. Physical skills are linked directly to brain growth, and brains develop at a pre-determined rate. It’s all written into our genetic make-up. Babies walk and talk when their bodies tell them it’s time. Obviously, nutrition and fitness are important, but beyond that, there’s not much we can do to hurry them along. From TODAY, Voices – Thursday, 07-May-2009

The term “ blended family ” may sound pleasant, but in reality, blending is not as easy as you might think! With today’s high divorce rate , stepfamilies are more common than ever. And that means more parents are raising stepchildren. Making a marriage work can be hard for any couple, but when you throw in the added pressure of step-parenting, it can often turn into a nightmare for everybody. In these situations, couples need to work through their roles and plan beforehand how decisions will be made regarding the children. The stepparent and biological parent should not function in a vacuum ; isolated from each other. A unified front is critical to raising healthy, happy children. For discipline to work, children need to understand that both their parent and their stepparent set the rules — and both have the authority to carry them out. Problems come when couples allow the kids to pit them against each other. From TODAY, Voices – Wednesday, 06-May-2009   ...

By Dr Bill Maier Kids today have more homework than ever. They definitely need some guidelines to help them get through it all. Here are some ideas you might want to try. First, set aside a specific location for homework. A kitchen table can be distracting, especially if it is near a window. If possible, set up a desk that is private and well-lit, away from noise and activity. Make sure your children have all the books and resources they need at their fingertips. Second, help them get organised. Get them a good file, with separate pockets and pages for each class, and teach them to track their assignments on a daily planner. Finally, get them into a regular routine. Doing homework at the same time and place each day eliminates arguments like, “Can’t I do it after dinner?” Sometimes, the best way to solve “homework hassles” is by establishing a few good homework habits. From TODAY, Voices – Tuesday, 05-May-2009

By Dr Bill Maier People who grow up happy and successful often credit their achievements to a supportive family. So how do we develop that kind of encouraging environment in our home? One good way is to quickly acknowledge positive behavior in our kids. When we see them helping someone else we should reward them with praise. You might say to your son, "Thanks for giving your brother a hand with that, John." We should also resist the urge to compare our kids with each other, or with someone else's kids. Never say to your child, "Why can't you be more like your sister," or "You don't see David acting that way." Instead, focus on their effort and their willingness to try. You might say something like "I really appreciate you working so hard to bring your spelling grades up." The key is to actively look for ways that you can be supportive, and to teach your kids to do the same thing. An encouraging household is crucial to raising healthy,...

By Dr James Dobson There is nothing wrong with feeling good about our children's success. But problems can crop up when a kid's performance is driven by parental ego. This can be seen when a child has to keep winning in order to maintain respect and love from his parents. Boys and girls should know that they are accepted simply because of their own unique worth. I am reminded of John McKay, a former football coach at the University of Southern California (USC). I saw him being interviewed on television some years ago when his son, John Jr, was a successful football player on the USC team. The interviewer had asked Coach McKay to comment on the pride that he must have felt over his son's accomplishments. His answer was most impressive. "Yes," he replied. "I'm pleased that John had a good season last year. He does a fine job and I'm proud of him. But I would be just as proud if he had never played the game at all." Coach McKay was saying, in effect...

By Dr James Dobson One of the most poignant songs ever written is Cat's in the Cradle by the late Harry Chapin. The lyrics of that sad song tell the story of a father who has good intentions toward his young son, but is too busy with work. There are always planes to catch and bills to pay. And the father finds himself making excuses. "When are you coming home, Dad?" "I don't know when, but we'll get together then, son. You know we'll have a good time then." Despite the disappointments, the boy loves and admires his father. He repeatedly says: "I'm gonna be like you, Dad. You know I'm gonna be like you." Time passes, and the boy becomes a young man. The father's priorities have changed now. He'd like to visit his grown-up son, but now it's the son's turn to make excuses. "You see, my new job's a hassle, and the kids have the flu. But it's been nice talking to you, Dad. It's been nice talking to you....

By Dr James Dobson The chances are, at least once or twice during your role as a parent, you are going to do or say something that will make your child angry with you. Should he or she be allowed to express that emotion? If a child grows up unable to verbally express his negative emotions toward his or her parent, often he or she will show it in other ways through what psychologists call “passive aggression”. Maybe your child will pout, get bad grades, or even eat too much. Usually children are not aware that these choices are being fuelled by anger. They are simply unconscious ways of expressing accumulated hostility toward parents. So it is important to allow children to ventilate the irritations they have stored inside. On the other hand, I firmly believe that children should be taught to be respectful to their parents. I think it is wise to tell our children that they can say anything to us, including negative things, as long as it is said in a respectful manner. For example...

By Dr James Dobson It’s a good thing to praise children for the praiseworthy things they do. But is there a limit to the compliments we offer them? Praise is essential to a child’s self-esteem and children who grow up without it typically wither like un-watered plants. But too many good words for the wrong reasons can be inflationary in nature. This is called flattery, and the essence of it is that it is unearned. It is what grandma says when she comes for a visit — “Oh, look at my beautiful little girl! You’re getting prettier every day!” Or, “My, what a smart boy you are!” Flattery happens when you heap compliments on a child for something he does not achieve. Praise, however, is a genuine response to good things your child has done. It should be highly specific. “You’ve been a good boy” is too general. Much better is, “I like the way you cleaned your room today!” Or, “I’m proud of the way you studied for that math assignment!” Praise reinforces the child’s constructive ...

By Dr James Dobson I want to talk to parents today about the very important distinction between childish irresponsibility and wilful defiance. Let me explain. Suppose little Chris is acting silly in the living room and falls onto a table, breaking some expensive china cups. Or maybe he loses his books on the way home from school or leaves his bike out in the rain. Now, these are acts of childish irresponsibility, which are inevitable during the early years. Forgetting things, losing things and spilling things do not represent direct challenges to authority, and they should be handled very gently. But when a child stamps her foot and tells her mom or dad to “shut up”, something very different is going on. She’s moved into the realm of willful defiance. It occurs when the child knows what the parent wants, but she clenches her little fists, digs in her heels and prepares for a battle. It is a refusal to accept parental leadership. When this kind of nose-to-nose confrontation occurs, a fi...

By Dr Bill Maier When it comes to organised sports for kids, there’s the good, the bad, and the downright ugly! Sports can be a great way for kids to keep fit and learn the importance of teamwork and competition. They can develop strength and coordination, and increase their level of self-esteem. Sports also give kids an opportunity to build friendships. And good coaches make great role models. The downside is some parents and coaches focus too much on winning, creating an air of tension and pressure. When kids lose, their self-image takes a beating. And unhealthy competition is a breeding ground for physical and emotional injuries. Team sports are great for kids, but they need to be kept in perspective. Let your children choose which activities they participate in, and get to know their coaches. Praise them when they do well, and praise them when they don’t! It’s only a game, and kids need to see it that way. From TODAY, Voices - Thursday, 23-April-2009

By Dr Bill Maier And you thought it was safe to send your children to the playground! Most parents are pretty good about steering their kids away from outdated equipment and rickety monkey bars, but still, children find a way to get hurt. There are a few important guidelines to remember when sending your children to the playground. First, make sure they have adult supervision. If you cannot be there with them, see that someone else is. Second, check the equipment for safety. Toddlers should never be allowed on anything higher than 1.2 metres, and the ground beneath should have plenty of sand — between 8cm to 23cm is the standard. Finally, watch out for peeling paint, sharp edges or exposed bolts — anything that could cause a cut or splinter. Parents assume most playgrounds are safe, but nothing can replace diligence and careful supervision. From TODAY, Voices – Wednesday, 22-April-2009

By Dr Bill Maier Here’s a mystery I’ve never understood – how can a preschooler survive an entire day on one graham cracker and half a banana? Obviously most preschoolers eat more than that but it doesn’t always feel like it. Some kids seem to turn their nose up at everything their parents put in front of them. So what can we do to see that they get the nutrients they need? Begin by making sure their portions are the right size. Pre-schoolers only need about a fourth of an adult’s diet, and parents often overfill their plates. Also, watch their intake of fluids. A lot of young kids will fill up on milk or juice, leaving little room for the foods they need. And make sure any between-meal snacks are healthy ones. Finally, don’t worry too much. Kids tend to eat more than we realise. They’ll hit a growth spurt before you know it and then just try to stop them from eating! From TODAY, Voices - Tuesday, 21-April-2009

By Dr James Dobson Let’s talk today about two kinds of children that are seen in every school classroom. Those in the first category are by nature rather organised individuals who just care about details. They take their learning process very seriously and assume full responsibility for assignments given. Parents of these children don’t have to monitor their progress to keep them working. It’s their way of life, and it’s consistent with their temperaments. In the second category of children are boys and girls who just don’t fit in with the structure of the classroom. They have a natural aversion to work and they love to play. They withstand a storm of parental protest every few weeks, and then when no one’s looking, slip back into apathy. We really should talk more about these disorganised children, because God sure made a lot of them. They drive their parents to distraction, and their unwillingness to work can turn their homes into World War III. I have some suggestions that may help,...

By Dr James Dobson First, define the boundaries very clearly in advance. If you haven’t spelled them out, don’t try to enforce them. Second, once a child clearly understands what’s expected, she can be held accountable for behaving accordingly. This sounds easy, but as every parent knows, it often leads to a contest of wills with the child. Third, distinguish between wilful defiance and childish irresponsibility. Forgetting, losing, breaking and spilling things are not challenges to adult leadership, and they should be handled gently. Fourth, reassure and teach as soon as the time of confrontation is over. Use the opportunity to explain lovingly what has just occurred. Fifth, avoid impossible demands. Be absolutely sure your child is capable of delivering what you require. And sixth, let love be your guide. A relationship that’s characterised by genuine love and affection is likely to be a healthy one, even though some parental mistakes and errors are inevitable.   ...

FOCUS ON THE FAMILY From TODAY, Voices Friday, 30-January-2009 By Dr Bill Maier One of the greatest gifts you can give your mate is to believe in them. Sometimes the difference between pursuing a dream and staying on the couch is as simple as having somebody say: “You can do it!” And what better way to strengthen your mate’s self-esteem than to encourage them when they have a goal? One of a husband’s greatest needs is to have a wife who respects and believes in him, no matter what. Even when we fail, we want to think that our wives are behind us, cheering us on, saying: “Don’t worry about that; you’ll make it next time!” And wives need a husband who will listen to their dreams and encourage them to pursue their goals and to stay the course, no matter how hard it gets. When life knocks us for a loop, it’s nice to know there’s somebody in our corner cheering us on. Never underestimate the power of believing in your spouse.

From TODAY, World Friday, 30-January-2009 Husband and wife divorced, and with the ensuing battle of custody over their 3 children, the father became psychologically unstable, then...

FOCUS ON THE FAMILY From TODAY, Voices Thursday, 29-January-2009 By Dr Bill Maier What would you say is the most important asset in a marriage? According to Drs Les and Leslie Parrot, the most important asset is your attitude. It’s the one thing that you have total control over – even when everything around you seems out of control. For example, if you are miserable today, you could probably point to a set of circumstances that made you that way. But you’d be wrong. It’s not what happens that makes us unhappy; it’s our attitude toward it. And attitude is a choice. Mr Chuck Swindoll once said that life is 10 per cent what happens to us and 90 per cent how we react to it. Happy couples aren’t happy because everything always goes their way. They’re happy because they choose to rise above their circumstances and take charge of how they will and won’t react to them. Using a baseball analogy, when life throws you a curve ball, you shake it off, smile and wait for the next pitch.

FOCUS ON THE FAMILY From TODAY, Voices Wednesday, 28-January-2009 By Dr Bill Maier Sometimes, the best thing we can do for our children is to let them make their decisions on their own. When our children are very young, we parent by controlling what they do. We tell them what to eat, where to go, and what they can and cannot get into. It’s our job to keep them safe and teach them right from wrong. But as children get older, they start to assert more control over their lives – and that’s a good thing. But many parents are so used to making decisions for their children that they try to hang on to that control – sometimes for much longer than they should. As children become teenagers, it’s important to let them think for themselves. They still need parenting, but on a different level. Instead of controlling what they do, our job is to guide and mentor them towards good decisions. If we’ve raised them right, this transition should come about naturally.

FOCUS ON THE FAMILY From TODAY, Voices Friday January 23, 2009 By Dr James Dobson How does a child learn to handle freedom and independence? It takes a calculated effort by his parents. Teaching your child to deal responsibly with independence is like luring him out of a five-storey window with a rope. You do it little by little, hand over hand. If you let the rope out all at once, he may plunge to the ground. I remember a test of my own independence when I was 17 years old. My parents were going on a trip and they left me behind with permission to have some school friends stay over. I behaved responsibly while my folk were gone, but I always wondered why they took that risk. When I asked my mother about it years later, she smiled and said: “Because in one year you would be leaving for university, where you would have complete freedom. I wanted to expose you to that independence while you were still under my influence.” My mother exemplified an important child-rearing principle: She pr...