From TODAY, Voices

Wednesday November 26, 2008

 

By Dr James Dobson

 

His mother was a dominating woman who gave him no affection, no love, and no discipline during his early years, and other children had very little to do with him.

 

A school psychologist commented that he probably didn’t even know the meaning of the word “love”. He later married a Russian girl, but she also held him in contempt. She could outfight him and she learned to bully him. Finally, she forced him to leave.

 

After days of loneliness, he went home, fell on his knees, and literally begged her to take him back. He wept at her feet, but she laughed at him and made fun of his sexual impotency in front of a friend.

 

Finally, he pleaded no more. No one wanted him. No one had ever wanted him. The next day, he was a strangely different man. He arose, went to the garage, and took down a rifle that he had hidden there. He carried it with him to his newly acquired job at a book storage building. And from a window on the sixth floor of that building, shortly after noon on Nov 22, 1963, he shot two bullets into the head of United States President John Fitzgerald Kennedy.

 

Lee Harvey Oswald, the rejected, hopeless failure, killed the man who, more than any other man on earth, embodied all the success and beauty and wealth and family affection which Oswald lacked.

 

And in firing that rifle, he utilised the one skill that he had learned in his entire, miserable lifetime. 

 

From TODAY, Voices

Tuesday November 25, 2008

 

By Dr James Dobson

 

Did you know that one of the highest rates of divorce occurs among couples between the ages of 45 and 50, after the kids have left home? The dynamics of that breakup can be tragic.

 

When young couples start out together, they talk endlessly about their goals for a family and for the future. But when babies come along, the emphasis changes. Every resource goes into the parenting responsibility. Mum becomes a full-time chauffeur and a fast food-getter, and Dad’s at his professional peak and he finds it very difficult to squeeze out a spare minute, so the marriage goes into hibernation as their attentions are directed elsewhere.

 

Then suddenly, and with very little warning, the children leave home. Parenting ends with a bang. The house is quiet, and the phone doesn’t ring. The husband and wife sit looking at one another across the breakfast table and realise they hardly know each other. What began as a romantic adventure so many years ago has become a sterile partnership.

 

Fortunately, it doesn’t have to be that way. Couples can keep the flame alive, if they’re only willing to maintain their marriage the way they’ve cared for their kids. Let me put it this way: The best way to prepare for the empty nest is to invest in one another when the nest is still full. 

 

Teaching Independence, Slowly But Surely

From TODAY, Voices

Monday November 24, 2008

 

By Dr James Dobson

 

How does a child learn to handle freedom and independence? It takes a precise, calculated effort by the parents.

 

Teaching your child to deal responsibly with independence and freedom is like luring him out of a five-storey window with a rope. You do it little by little, slowly, deliberately, hand over hand. If you let the rope out all at once, he may plunge to the ground.

 

I remember a test of my own independence when I was 17 years old. My parents went on a two-week trip and left me behind with the family car, with permission to have some friends over.

 

I behaved responsibly, but I always wondered why my mother took that risk. When I asked her about it years later, she just smiled and said: Because I knew you would soon be leaving for university, where you would have complete freedom and no one watching over you. I wanted to expose you to that independence while you were still under my influence.”

 

My mother exemplified an important child-rearing principle: She prepared me for independence.

 

If you have children, let them test the waters of freedom as they’re growing up, rather than thrusting them into total independence all at once. Then when they’re on their own and completely free, they’ll know how to handle it responsibly and wisely.