Mi Choza De Nipa: 07/04/2010

Friday, July 09, 2010

The Comparison Trap

By Dr James Dobson

Have you played the “if only” game? It goes like this: If only my wife was more like Judy. She fixes exotic dinners, keeps a sparkling house and even goes golfing with her husband.

Or if only my husband was like Johnny. He is always giving flowers to his wife, takes her dancing and does not slurp on his soup during dinner.

What is wrong with comparisons like these? For one thing, the conclusions we draw are based on a distortion. We are equating the obvious flaws and shortcomings of a person we know intimately with the public image of the person we idealise. That individual is imperfect too, though it may not be as apparent across a crowded room.

Besides, the comparison game insults our marriage partner and weakens the bond that makes a relationship successful. In other words, everyone loses when we engage in this mind game. We should seek to elevate each other as husband and wife: That’s the best way I know to make marriage go the distance.

From TODAY, Voices - Friday, 09-July-2010
-----

Books vs community support

By Dr James Dobson

If you have checked out the parenting section of a bookstore lately, you’ve probably noticed hundreds of authors who want to tell you how to raise your children. Have you ever wondered if they really know more than you do?

As a psychologist, I believe parents can learn from the specialists.

But there is one thing a book will never provide, and that is one-on-one support from mums and dads who are going through the same thing.

Our grandparents took it for granted that friends and family would always be there to help. But things have changed since then. These days, the best piece of advice I can give a new parent is: “Yes, read those books, but don’t stop there. Contact your local support group, hospital or family service centre and ask about parenting support groups.”

You might find the encouragement and information our forefathers derived from large and loving families. Beyond that, I recommend that you go with your own instincts. You know more than you might think you do about the needs of your own children.

From TODAY, Voices - Thursday, 08-July-2010
-----

Adopt a younger adult

By Dr James Dobson

There’s a very special gift that men and women in their 50s, 60s and 70s have to offer to the people they come in contact with. That gift is wisdom — gleaned from years of experience.

Wisdom can encourage and build up, and offer hope in troubled times. In days gone by, extended families lived together in the same house — young and old. People were able to get fresh perspectives, just by hashing out the events of the day at the dinner table.

But in today’s mobile society, most of us live away from our families, and this valuable interaction is lacking.

If you’re getting on in years, I’d urge you to find someone younger in your life that you could befriend. That frustrated young mother down the street might love to have an older woman come by for coffee, to listen and to say: “That’s normal. I remember when I felt just that way.”

The young man in the office down the hall needs to hear from someone older and wiser: “You’re doing a good job. Keep up the good work.”

If you’re younger, seek out someone older and wiser at work or in your neighbourhood, and ask for their advice. You’ll find that wisdom is a precious gift, and sharing it benefits both the giver and the receiver.

From TODAY, Voices - Wednesday, 07-July-2010
-----

SOARING solo successfully

By Dr James Dobson

We can learn a valuable lesson from the glider pilots who soar through the skies.

From my office, I can see air force pilots train. The yellow training gliders have immense wing spans and seem to ride the wind effortlessly. But eventually, the pilots exhaust the currents and they have to come down. The only way they can soar again is to be tethered behind a powered aircraft. If the trainee in the glider didn’t accept help, he would never get off the ground. Yet if that student remained tethered to the tow plane, there would never be a successful flight.

Author and single mum Sandra Aldrich refers to this delicate balance in her book From One Single Mum to Another. She said: “In the early days of our singlehood, it’s often difficult to find the balance between letting friends help and leaning on them.”

It’s a tough balance to be sure, but perhaps this picture of a glider being pulled aloft will encourage single parents to accept help when it’s needed and then turn around and help others in a similar situation. After all, all of us find ourselves in a glider every now and then.

From TODAY, Voices - Tuesday, 06-July-2010
-----

Downward mobile

By Dr James Dobson

We’ve all heard of corporate ladder climbers who’ve earned the label “upwardly mobile”. But I bet you haven’t heard of many people being downwardly mobile. At least not by choice. I know of two physicians who limit their practice hours to allow more time for their young children. They actually chose the opposite course of most career-minded individuals: Down-scaling their jobs, passing up career opportunities and taking a cut in pay.

As one of these doctors explained: “I saw many people on their death bed and I never heard one of them say he wished he’d spent more time at the office.” Now I realise most families could not afford to slash their work hours. After all, these doctors admit it’s their higher income that allows such flexibility.

Still, I like the idea of making a decision to arrange your schedule and lifestyle to give your kids your best hours, not just the leftovers. It’s a good idea not to add any new activity unless something equally engaging has been eliminated. Corralling your schedule and perhaps down-scaling your workload will require tough choices. But you and your family will come out winners in the end.

From TODAY, Voices - Monday, 05-July-2010
-----

Don't disregard vaccines

By Dr Bill Maier

Do babies really need all those vaccines? After all, does anyone really get whooping cough, or rubella anymore?

A lot of diseases that were once common have now been eliminated. And that’s because doctors were vigilant in giving vaccines.

But the viruses that cause these diseases still exist, so it’s important not to let our guards down.

No one enjoys getting their baby shots, but there’s a lot you can do to ease the discomfort — both for you and your baby. Ask if you can hold your baby during the procedure. And make sure you get an information sheet on the vaccine so you know what to watch for in the way of normal side effects or reactions. This will keep you from panicking later. You might also ask your doctor about relief for mild fever or pain — not for you; for the baby!

Above all, be diligent. There are 12 recommended vaccines, and your baby should get them all.

From TODAY, Voices - Friday, 02-July-2010
-----

Moving past post self-image

By Dr Bill Maier

Are you constantly unhappy with the way you look?

Maybe you need a change – and I’m not talking about a makeover.

Self-image is a strange thing. Many people you would consider handsome or pretty actually struggle to accept the way they look. A girl may think her nose is too big when it’s a perfectly normal size. A man may fret over a bald spot that no one else even notices.

How we see ourselves is seldom the way others see us.

Poor self-image often comes from a parent who didn’t accept us, or failed to build us up as they should have.

And it probably wasn’t a conscious thing on their part — they were simply reacting the way their parents reacted to them.

Blaming your parents does no good. The healthy approach is to get past your childhood and move forward.

Learning to accept yourself may take a lot of work — even counselling — but it’s critical to a happy future.

From TODAY, Voices - Thursday, 01-July-2010
-----

Monday, July 05, 2010

When personalities clash

By Dr Bill Maier

What do you do when you love your child but cannot seem to get along with him?

All of us have days when our children grate at our nerves. With some parents, however, those days are the norm.

We all love our children dearly but sometimes their personalities are so different from ours that we clash with them at every turn.

Begin by reminding yourself that they are not trying to drive you crazy on purpose. They merely think differently.

Children are created with a unique set of gifts and qualities, and these things make them who they are.

Some of the very traits that you struggle to deal with when they are four years old may catapult them towards great things later in life.

Instead of trying to change your child’s personality, learn to embrace it. Even if you do clash in the process.

From TODAY, Voices - Wednesday, 30-June-2010
-----

The true cost of working

Image via Wikipedia

By Dr Bill Maier

Before you decide you cannot afford to stay home with your baby, make sure you have done the maths.

Many mothers assume that working part- or full-time is better for the family financially, yet they have never really sat down to consider the cost.

First, there is the cost of day care. In some places this can run up quite high. And some day care clinics make you pay even if you keep you child home for a day.

Then there are additional costs, like lunch money, and field trips.

Do not forget to factor in the extra clothes and jewellery you need, along with lunch money for yourself. Do you need a second car because of your job? That is another expense.

If most mothers took an honest evaluation of their expenses they would find that working outside the home actually costs them money.

Not to mention time away from their babies.

From TODAY, Voices - Tuesday, 29-June-2010
-----

A simple training tool

A smiling baby lying in a soft cot (furniture).

Image via Wikipedia

By Dr Bill Maier

You say it’s time to move your child from a crib to a bed? That’s not always as easy as it sounds.

Not all kids adjust easily to a toddler bed when they’re used to a crib.

One mother remembers her child showing up next to her bed every night at two in the morning. She’d take him back to his room, but the next night, he’d be back again.

She finally solved the problem by taping a sticker chart to the fridge and giving her son a gold star for every night that he stayed in his own bed.

For every five stickers he could pick out a small toy. It took him two weeks to earn his first little car, but after that he became more consistent.

Eventually, the nightly visits stopped completely. Now she’s using the same chart to potty train him.

It’s a simple approach, but an effective one.

From TODAY, Voices - Monday, 28-June-2010
-----

OMS Syndrome

By Dr James Dobson

There’s a new disease that’s quickly spreading through the work place. Its symptoms are stress, mental lapses and lack of focus. The name of this disease is OMS — Overnight Mail Syndrome.

Modern technology and free enterprise have brought us many great inventions. Among them are fax machines and modems and overnight mail. Anything you need can be delivered by tomorrow morning if you call before 5 o’clock today. And in an emergency, this can certainly help you meet deadlines.

Unfortunately, in most companies, every project has now become an emergency. We need it yesterday is the motto. The results? Mistakes are made, quality suffers and we begin to buckle under an increasing weight of stress and fatigue.

Modern technology is great, but like most things, it is best if kept in proper balance and perspective. When our tools become our bosses we all suffer. We need a chance to slow down, to step back and take a look at the bigger picture and to nurture our creativity.

So the next time you sit down to schedule a project, see if you can plan in such a way as to avoid the dreaded Overnight Mail Syndrome.

From TODAY, Voices - Friday, 25-June-2010
-----

When friends’ marriages break up

Image via Wikipedia

By Dr James Dobson

Divorce may be happening more and more these days, but there’s still something about it that shocks us when we hear that close friends are separating; and we say to ourselves: “I wish there was something I could do.”

It’s very easy for us to be so overwhelmed by our friends’ problems that we simply ignore them. We don’t know what to say, so we say nothing, and we leave these lonely people to their private pain. Or else we join the chorus of people who offer simplistic solutions and fail to address the pain. “It never was meant to be,” some may say. Or: “You’ll be better off without him.”

And yet, survey after survey confirms the fact that couples in crisis will hint of their pain to friends long before seeking professional help. And when friends do come alongside the troubled couple, sometimes a marriage could be saved.

A man can meet with another man for lunch and talk about his marriage, and offer encouragement and support during the hard times. A woman can get together with another wife to be a sounding board and a listening ear. A couple can offer to watch the kids for a weekend so their friends can get away for a romantic time together.

There’s so much we can do to shore up a quaking, wounded relationship. The key is to watch for the signs of trouble and then sensitively offer encouragement and love, and that’s what being real friends are all about.

From TODAY, Voices - Thursday, 24-June-2010
-----

Friday, July 09, 2010

Related articles by Zemanta

Related articles by Zemanta

Related articles by Zemanta

Related articles by Zemanta

Related articles by Zemanta

Related articles by Zemanta

Related articles by Zemanta

Monday, July 05, 2010

Related articles by Zemanta

Related articles by Zemanta

Related articles by Zemanta

Related articles by Zemanta

Related articles by Zemanta