Each child is unique

By Dr James Dobson

We talked last time about the flighty, disorganised children who absolutely refuse to do assigned schoolwork.

Let me share some thoughts about that underachieving child. First, these children are not intrinsically inferior to their hard-working siblings. Yes, it would be wonderful if every student used his or her talent to their best advantage, but each child is unique and does not have to fit the same mould.

Besides, the low achiever sometimes out-performs the academic superstar in the long run. That was what happened to Albert Einstein and Thomas Edison. So do not write-off that disorganised, apparently lazy child as a lifelong loser. He or she may surprise you. Second, you will never turn an underachieving youngster into a scholar by nagging, pushing, threatening and punishing. If you try to squeeze your child into something he or she is not, you will only aggravate yourself and irritate the child.

Third, stay as close as possible to the school. Your child is not going to tell you what is going on there, so you need to find out for yourself and seek tutorial assistance, if necessary, to keep him or her on track. Fourth, your child lacks the discipline to structure his or her life. Help your child generate it. Fifth, having done what you can to help, accept what he or she does in return. Go with the flow and begin looking for other areas of success for your child.

From TODAY, Voices - Friday, 17-April-2009

When ‘adoption’ leads to integration: MM Lee

Alicia Wong
alicia@mediacorp.com.sg

HIS two sons were “adopted” by host families when they went to the United States for military training, and shared their Thanksgiving dinners.

Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew was “invited to endless events” when he was at Harvard University for a term, as the efforts of a graduate student to make him feel welcome also made him feel “very comfortable”.

Are Singaporean families, however, up to the challenge of adopting new immigrants? With such practices only slowly beginning here — a pilot host family programme by the People’s Association was launched last year — Mr Lee certainly hopes the public can take a leaf from a country with long experience in integration.

Both born-and-bred Singaporeans and new citizens need to foster closer ties and be united, if Singapore is to progress, he said. And like the PA volunteers who contacted 13,000 new immigrants last year, more need to step up, he urged.

The foundation for integration to be possible has already been laid with Singapore’s basic practice of meritocracy, said Mr Lee at a Singapore Press Holdings event to launch a Lianhe Zaobao weekly feature reaching out to new Chinese immigrants.

“There is no difference between race, religion, new or old citizens,” he said in Mandarin. And this principle came in for praise among participants at the seminar during the question-and-answer session.

A 22-year-old male recounted how he lived in a one-room flat when he came from China 13 years ago, but with the opportunities his family had, they now live in a five-room flat. A businesswoman, who came from Shanghai 20 years ago, started out as a housewife with three children, but now runs two companies.

To these new Singaporeans, Mr Lee also reminded that they need a good grasp of the English language — Singapore’s lingua franca — if they want to do well in Singapore.

“If you cannot reach the required standard (of English) it must be that you haven’t tried hard enough,” he said.

Meanwhile, their children can contribute, language-wise, if they speak fluent Mandarin, even with different accents, to raise local standards, added Mr Lee, who suggested that MediaCorp employ Chinese immigrants who can speak
fluent Mandarin as news readers.

Last year, there were over 20,000 new citizens and about 80,000 new Permanent Residents, up from 17,000 new citizens and 64,000 new PRs in 2007.

channelnewsasia.com/video

From TODAY, News – Monday, 13-April-2009

Are your kids in category one?

By Dr James Dobson

Let’s talk today about two kinds of children that are seen in every school classroom.

Those in the first category are by nature rather organised individuals who just care about details.

They take their learning process very seriously and assume full responsibility for assignments given. Parents of these children don’t have to monitor their progress to keep them working. It’s their way of life, and it’s consistent with their temperaments.

In the second category of children are boys and girls who just don’t fit in with the structure of the classroom.

They have a natural aversion to work and they love to play. They withstand a storm of parental protest every few weeks, and then when no one’s looking, slip back into apathy.

We really should talk more about these disorganised children, because God sure made a lot of them. They drive their parents to distraction, and their unwillingness to work can turn their homes into World War III.

I have some suggestions that may help, and we’ll discuss a few of them tomorrow.

From TODAY, Voices - Thursday, 16-April-2009

NOT ENOUGH SLEEP

I almost missed this one… phew!

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By Dr Bill Maier

Wake up, sleepyhead — the day’s only half over! If you find yourself tired in the middle of the day, maybe it is time to rethink your sleeping habits.

More than ever, people are trying to get by on a few hours of sleep each night, even though doctors say that most adults need eight hours of sleep to function properly. Some are able to do fine on six hours, but most of us are not wired that way.

Make sure you get in bed at a reasonable hour. Late night television may seem enticing, but you pay for it the next day. And studies show that too much visual stimulation can make it hard to fall asleep, and even cause you to wake up during the middle of the night.

Don’t go through life half-asleep — get the rest you need and see if it does not make a difference in the way you feel and the way you function.

 

From TODAY, Voices – Friday, 10-April-2009

MYELINISATION

By Dr James Dobson

Have you wondered why an infant is unable to reach out and take hold of an object or control the movement of his hands or feet?

It’s because the human nervous system is inadequately insulated at birth, and the electrical impulses are lost on their journey from the brain to other parts of the body.

Gradually, a whitish substance called myelin begins to coat the nerve fibers, allowing controlled muscular action. Myelinisation typically proceeds from the head downward and from the centre of the body outward. So, a child can control the movement of his head and neck before the rest of the body, and the shoulder before the elbow, wrist, or fingers. This understanding of myelin is very important for the parents of boys, who are slower to develop. Because a child’s visual apparatus is among the last to be insulated, that can render a boy or girl unable to read, write, or spell for a time. This helps explain why late bloomers often have early learning problems in school.

But our culture permits few deviations from the established timetable. This is why I favour holding an immature child out of school for a year or home-schooling him or her for a few years. Be careful what you demand from a child who is slow to develop. It may be physiologically impossible for them to keep up with their peers.


From TODAY, Voices – Wednesday, 15-April-2009

SIX PRINCIPLES OF GOOD DISCIPLINE

By Dr James Dobson

First, define the boundaries very clearly in advance. If you haven’t spelled them out, don’t try to enforce them.

Second, once a child clearly understands what’s expected, she can be held accountable for behaving accordingly. This sounds easy, but as every parent knows, it often leads to a contest of wills with the child.

Third, distinguish between wilful defiance and childish irresponsibility. Forgetting, losing, breaking and spilling things are not challenges to adult leadership, and they should be handled gently.

Fourth, reassure and teach as soon as the time of confrontation is over. Use the opportunity to explain lovingly what has just occurred.

Fifth, avoid impossible demands. Be absolutely sure your child is capable of delivering what you require.

And sixth, let love be your guide. A relationship that’s characterised by genuine love and affection is likely to be a healthy one, even though some parental mistakes and errors are inevitable.

 

From TODAY, Voices – Tuesday, 14-April-2009

Screaming at trees and children

By Dr James Dobson

 

Many parents, perhaps most, admit to losing their tempers and screaming at their kids from time to time. Usually we shrug it off, assuming not much harm was done.

Deep in the woods of the Solomon Islands lives a tribe of villagers who practice a strange form of logging. When a tree is too large to be felled with an axe, they bring it down by yelling at it repeatedly.

Eventually, the tree dies and falls to the ground. “It kills the spirit of the tree,” they say.

Well, I’ll admit that I’m a bit sceptical that this practice works on trees, but I’ll tell you this much: It will surely bring down a human being.

If you want to kill someone’s spirit, yelling is a great way to get it done. And no spirit on earth is more fragile than that of a child. It’s humiliating and it’s discouraging to children, and it often leaves scars that will last a lifetime.

Admittedly, children will be irresponsible at times and get on our nerves every now and then. Still, they deserve and need to be treated with dignity and respect. Resist the temptation to yell at them.

 

From TODAY, Voices

Monday, 13-April-2009