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From Focus on the Family Husbands aren’t known for sharing their feelings too often, but there are some things our wives need to hear from time to time. Saying “I love you,” is just one of them. Let her know that she is of great worth to you. Tell her that no one will ever take her place in your life … or your heart. Make sure she understands how committed you are to the relationship — that no matter how bad things get, you will always be willing to work it out. All couples argue, but commitment to the marriage will always overcome any disagreement. Say to her, “I will always be truthful with you,” and then hold yourself to that promise. Honesty is critical to a successful relationship. Don’t assume that your wife knows how you feel about her. Take time to tell her every chance you get. From TODAY, Voices - Monday, 06-Sep-2010 ----- Related articles by Zemanta Love:the Only Secret to Everlasting Marital Bliss (socyberty.com) My Night at a Focus on the Family Event ...

By Dr Bill Maier It is not easy to keep the flames of romance burning when your house is looking like a disaster zone but it can be done. If you cannot remember the last time you and your spouse went on a date, I have one important word for you — “babysitter”. Or is that two words? Whatever it is, make sure you get one… and use them on a weekly basis. A regular date night is critical to keeping couples in touch. Or how about a romantic weekend away — and I do not mean to Disneyworld . Leave the children with a trusted friend or relative and take a short trip to your favourite spot. If you really want to thrill your wife, try taking gifts or flowers home for no particular reason. And call during the day to tell her how much you love her. Romantic times are great but it is the little sparks each day that keep a fire burning hot. From TODAY, Voices - Friday, 30-July-2010 ----- Related articles by Zemanta Spice Up Your Passionless Marriage - Part One (lifescript.co...

By Dr James Dobson Have you played the “if only” game? It goes like this: If only my wife was more like Judy. She fixes exotic dinners, keeps a sparkling house and even goes golfing with her husband. Or if only my husband was like Johnny. He is always giving flowers to his wife, takes her dancing and does not slurp on his soup during dinner. What is wrong with comparisons like these? For one thing, the conclusions we draw are based on a distortion. We are equating the obvious flaws and shortcomings of a person we know intimately with the public image of the person we idealise. That individual is imperfect too, though it may not be as apparent across a crowded room. Besides, the comparison game insults our marriage partner and weakens the bond that makes a relationship successful. In other words, everyone loses when we engage in this mind game. We should seek to elevate each other as husband and wife: That’s the best way I know to make marriage go the distance. From TODAY, ...

Image via Wikipedia By Dr James Dobson Divorce may be happening more and more these days, but there’s still something about it that shocks us when we hear that close friends are separating; and we say to ourselves: “I wish there was something I could do.” It’s very easy for us to be so overwhelmed by our friends’ problems that we simply ignore them. We don’t know what to say, so we say nothing, and we leave these lonely people to their private pain. Or else we join the chorus of people who offer simplistic solutions and fail to address the pain. “It never was meant to be,” some may say. Or: “You’ll be better off without him.” And yet, survey after survey confirms the fact that couples in crisis will hint of their pain to friends long before seeking professional help. And when friends do come alongside the troubled couple, sometimes a marriage could be saved. A man can meet with another man for lunch and talk about his marriage, and offer encouragement and support during the ha...

By Dr James Dobson If you really want a “ high-voltage ” marriage that will go the distance, I have a suggestion for you. Which of the following two marriages is likely to enjoy the greatest physical attraction ? Is it the couple who spends every waking hour together and focuses almost exclusively on one another? Or is it the man and woman who have other interests, and then after a time of some independence come closer together again as the pendulum swings? Surprisingly, it is the one that varies from time to time. According to behavioural researchers, the healthiest relationships are the ones that “breathe” – relationships that move from a time of closeness and tenderness to a more distant posture. This ebb and flow sets up another exciting reunion as the cycle continues. This is why it's not always advantageous for a husband and wife to work together or to concentrate exclusively on one another in the absence of friends and colleagues outside the family. There is just some...

By Dr Bill Maier Are there nights when you sit at the dinner table with nothing to say to your spouse? If so, maybe your marriage needs a shot of adrenaline. During the dating years, couples never seem to run out of things to talk about. We all remember the days when we spent hours laughing and sharing and just enjoying being together. Then, wed go home only to call and talk some more. So, what was different back then? In a nutshell, the romance was fun because it was fresh. We had a lot to say because new things were constantly being introduced into the relationship. Theres no reason that should stop when we get married. Its easy to fall into a rut and take each other for granted. But smart couples work at fighting boredom in order to keep their marriage alive. Sometimes thats as easy as taking up a new hobby, or planning a fun weekend away. Dont let your marriage get stale with age. Look for ways to keep it fresh and exciting. From TODAY, Voices - Wednesday, 19-May-20...

By Dr Bill Maier At what age do you plan to let your teenagers start dating? Better decide now, before your children get older. In the past, most parents said 16 was a proper age, but today, a lot of families are questioning whether that is a good idea. You have to wonder what good can come of two hormonally-charged teenagers pairing off and spending hours together with no supervision. It is a formula for trouble. Many parents now encourage their teens to group date. It is a great way for young adults to develop healthy relationships without the unhealthy temptation. Other parents allow their children to date, but not until the age of 18, and even then in moderation. However you feel about your kids’ dating habits, it’s important to discuss it with them at an early age. Make sure they understand your rules – and your reasoning behind those rules. From TODAY, Voices - Tuesday, 18-May-2010 ----- Related articles by Zemanta The Five Love Languages of Teenagers - Recomme...

Image by Collaborative Law Institute of Texas via Flickr By Dr Bill Maier Watching your child go through a divorce can often feel worse than getting one yourself. Any parent who has had to help a child suffer through a divorce knows how devastating it can be for everyone involved. It’s easy to point fingers and pass judgment, but that’s not what your child needs most. During these times, the best you can do is to first make sure your own emotions are in check. Then, carefully choose your words and actions. Your job is to help diffuse anger and frustration, and to bring a healthy perspective. Blaming only causes more resentment, when forgiveness is the only road to true healing. Sometimes, young children are involved, and someone needs to be there for them, helping them navigate the feelings of pain and resentment they may be experiencing. A clear head and a helping hand is what people most need during tough times. And you may be the only one who can offer that. From TOD...

Image by Jeffry B via Flickr By Dr Bill Maier It’s always tough to hear that someone’s getting a divorce . But what about when that “someone” is your child? There’s nothing quite as devastating as a divorce in the family and when your own child is involved the pain and shock can feel unbearable. You want to protect them but you don’t know how. The best you can do is to simply be there for them — physically and emotionally. Your first step should be to discern whether there’s any chance of reconciliation. You might even encourage them to postpone the divorce until they’ve had a chance to go through marital counselling. But keep in mind that the decision isn’t yours to make. If they decide to go through with the divorce, give your unconditional support and stay with them. Be ready with advice and counsel but only when asked. Above all, don’t pass judgment — on your child or their spouse. What they need is support, not more guilt. From TODAY, Voices - Thursday, 06-May-2010...

Image via Wikipedia By Dr Bill Maier Marriage is a difficult transition for everyone – especially parents. That’s why almost all couples have at least some problems getting along with their in-laws. One friend remembers his wife’s mother taking him aside during their wedding rehearsal and trying to talk him out of the marriage . She assured him that no one would be upset if he just called the whole thing off. He went through with the wedding, and now his mother-in-law accepts him pretty well, but things have never been terribly rosy between them. Adjusting to a new member in the family is tough for even the best of parents. It’s hard to imagine anyone good enough for your son or daughter. That’s why we all need to cut them a little slack. The best way to deal with an overbearing in-law is to accept them and move forward. A lot of patience won’t hurt either. From TODAY, Voices - Friday, 23-April-2010 ----- Related articles by Zemanta The "Trimmed Roots" And ...

Image by Collaborative Law Institute of Texas via Flickr By Dr Bill Maier No one goes through a divorce unscathed – especially the children . All children struggle to understand it when their parents can’t get along, no matter what their age. When parents fight or separate, children naturally blame themselves. They wonder if there’s something they’ve done to cause the problems, or if there’s anything they should have done to fix it. That’s why it’s critical to let kids know that a divorce is not their fault. And that it’s a painful process for everyone. By calling a divorce “amicable”, you’re saying to your child “we could stay together; we just don’t want to.” It’s not only insensitive, it’s misleading. What they need to hear is that you’ve done everything you could do to save the marriage , and that you and your spouse are solely to blame for the breakup. Only then can you begin helping your children heal the pain . From TODAY, Voices - Thursday, 22-April-2010 ----- Relat...

Image via Wikipedia By Dr James Dobson When you want to offer advice to a person about a flaw or a shortcoming in his or her character, it’s best to do it the way porcupines make love: Very, very carefully. It’s often difficult to open the eyes of friends or relatives to their own blind spots. It’s even more risky to discuss a mistake in the way parenting responsibilities are being handled. You’re liable to get your ears pinned back, even when your motives are honourable and you have the other person’s interest at heart. Let me offer a suggestion that may be helpful in handling this delicate assignment. The right to criticise must be earned, even if the advice is constructive and desperately needed. Before you’re entitled to meddle with another person’s self-esteem, you must first demonstrate your respect for him as a person. You have to invest some time and effort in his life in an atmosphere of love and kindness, and human warmth. When a relationship of confidence has been c...