TEENS AND WORK

From TODAY, Voices
Friday October 24, 2008

By Dr Bill Maier

Having a teenager in the house shouldn’t drain your finances.

Teens can have a lot of expenses, but there’s no reason why they can’t help cover some of their costs themselves.

It’s good for teens to learn early that money doesn’t just fall out of the sky. Somebody has to earn it.

A recent survey showed that more than 70 per cent of all teens do some form of work to earn money.

And more than a third hold fulltime or part-time jobs — at least through the summer.

Of course, it’s important that you do not let their work interfere with school, but doing odd jobs on the weekends and throughout the summer months not only helps your budget, it also teaches your kids invaluable life lessons.

And once they start earning, use the opportunity to teach them good financial management, like how to give, save and invest wisely.

When they start to buy clothes with their own hard-earned money, they’re much more likely to be frugal when they shop.

DOCTOR PHOBIA

From TODAY, Voices
Thursday October 23, 2008

By Dr Bill Maier

The only thing worse than going to the doctor is taking your toddler to the doctor!

What child wouldn’t be afraid of an examination room with all those mirrors and needles and rubber gloves?

Most two-year-olds don’t even have nightmares that scary.

So before you go, why not take time to prepare your children?

Talk to them a few days before the appointment and frame the experience as a positive one.

You might say something like,

“Guess what you get to do? You get to go see Dr Smith for a check up. When Sally went he gave her a special toy!”

You might even buy a toy doctor kit for them to play with, and show them how the doctor is going to listen to their heart and look into their ears.

Remember, how you prepare your toddler for a doctor visit makes all the difference in how they’ll react to the experience.

DON’T COMPETE WITH BIOLOGICAL PARENTS

From TODAY, Voices
Wednesday October 22, 2008

By Dr Bill Maier

When it comes to living in a blended family, the key is acceptance and plenty of patience.

Children don’t always accept a step-parent, and they often reject their love and discipline.

Step-parents tend to take this rejection personally and usually work even harder to win the child’s love.

In these situations, it’s important to focus on what the child is going through. Their rejection is really an attempt to hang on to their relationship with their biological mother or father.

They may feel that accepting a new parent is a sign of disloyalty to their biological parent.

The key is to make sure they understand that you are not trying to replace their parent, and that there’s no competition between the two of you.

Give them permission to talk all they want about their “real” mum or dad, and help them to stay in close contact.

Above all, never criticise their biological parent. Love them and give them space, and in time, you’ll be accepted.

MAKE YOUR MAN FEEL SPECIAL (Part 2)

From TODAY, Voices
Tuesday October 21, 2008

By Dr Bill Maier

Hey ladies, get ready for the second instalment of “Top 10 ways to keep your husband happy”:

4 Thank him often for the way he provides for the family. Most of us guys make a lot of personal sacrifices to care for the ones we love. We don’t do it for the praise, but it’s always nice to know that someone notices.

5 Save a little energy in the evenings for your husband, instead of giving all your attention to the kids. All couples need time to connect with each other, and no man likes to be lost in the shuffle.

6 Be sensitive to his “male ego”. Even men with a high self-esteem struggle with feelings of insecurity from time to time, especially as age starts to show.

It’s nice to hear that our spouses are still attracted to us — in spite of the growing love handles and thinning hairline.

MAKE YOUR HUSBAND FEEL SPECIAL (PART 1)

From TODAY, Voices
Monday October 20, 2008

By Dr Bill Maier

All right ladies, stand by for instalment No 1 of “Top ten ways to keep your husband happy”.

No 1, praise him for his achievements. Most husbands work hard to provide well for their wives and kids, and it isn’t always easy to juggle career and family.

A simple word of appreciation from time to time will let him know that you notice – and that you’re thankful for the sacrifices he makes.

No 2, don’t disagree with him in front of the kids. There’s a time to discuss matters and a time to keep things to yourself.

When the kids are watching, always show a united front – for their sakes and your husband’s.

No 3, keep your “honey-do” list reasonable. There are always things that need fixing around the house, but making demands on a busy man only causes stress for everyone.

He sees things that need to be done, and if he can’t find time, call a handy man and let him off the hook.

PEOPLE ARE JUST NO GOOD?

From TODAY, Voices
Friday October 17, 2008

By Dr James Dobson

Are you convinced that you just can’t trust anyone anymore?

Steven Brille was certain that people, for the most part, are just no good, and he wanted to prove it.

So one day, he masqueraded as a rich foreigner in New York City and began hailing taxis. Each time he flashed a wad of money and gave the driver a destination just a few blocks away. He was sure that most of them would find a way to take advantage of him, but he was in for a surprise.

Out of 37 drivers, only one cheated him. The rest took him directly to his destination and gave him back the correct change.

In fact, several got out of their cabs and pointed him in the right direction and told him that he could save the money, if he didn’t mind walking a few blocks.

The greatest irony, though, was that several of the drivers warned him to be careful of how he flaunted his money. “New York is full of crooks,” they told him.

This is a true story, and we need to hear it. We are so bombarded with bad news that it’s easy to begin losing faith in humanity.

But the truth is, most people are decent and honest, and when given a chance, they’ll do the right thing.

The Bee and Fly Experiment

From TODAY, Voices
Thursday October 16, 2008

By Dr James Dobson

I recently heard about an experiment in which 12 bees were placed in a jar in a darkened room. A light was beamed onto the bottom of the glass and the top lid removed. Instinctively, the bees flew towards the light, but they couldn’t get out. All 12 bees died while trying to buzz their way through the bottom of the jar.

Next, the researchers took 12 common houseflies and repeated the experiment. Within seconds, the flies had found their way out of the top of the jar. Now, it’s known that bees are more intelligent than flies and their survival instincts are usually better-defined, yet it was those very instincts that doomed the bees.

I wonder how often our own preconceived notions cloud common sense. My father, for example, hated automatic transmissions on automobiles because the cars on which he learned to drive were manuals. I’ve fallen into similar patterns. Until recently, I wrote books using pencils and yellow writing pads. I did that for years, even after word processors became available. The 20th century was almost over before I decided to join it.

Rigidity in the force of habit can cause you to do things that make no sense. What out-of-date and illogical ideas are you holding onto these days? Do some of them involve the way you raise your children? It’s a question worth pondering.

THE FAMILY MEETING

From TODAY, Voices
Wednesday October 15, 2008

By Dr James Dobson

The process of caring for ageing parents can be a time that draws families closer together. Unfortunately, it usually becomes a time that tears them apart. Typically, the sister who lives nearby feels she is sacrificing her life to care for her ageing parents. Her siblings who live far away criticise how she handles the finances. The parents feel cared for, but not cared about; and jealous rivalries arise due to poor communication.

Author Tim Stafford suggests that a family meeting can help bring everybody into the situation on an equal basis. While your parents are still healthy and strong, get all the people concerned to sit down and talk about the years ahead. Talk about medical care, housing, finances and anything else that’s on anyone’s mind. Ask questions like: “Mum, what do you expect during the next 10 years?” and “Dad, what’s the best way we can make things easier for you right now?”

An honest, loving, open meeting like this can help assure that all friends and family members are working from the same set of assumptions and expectations. And it also sets a pattern. When a crisis does arise, calling another family meeting will be a more comfortable established course of action.

THE TERRIBLE TWOS

From TODAY, Voices
Tuesday October 14, 2008

By Dr James Dobson

Do the “terrible twos” really have to be so terrible? Just ask any two-year-old. The answer will most assuredly be “no”.

If there is one word that characterizes the period between 15 and 24 months of age, it is “no”. “No,” he doesn’t want to eat his cereal. “No,” she doesn’t want to have a bath. And – you can be sure – “No,” he doesn’t want to go to bed anytime at all.

Perhaps the most frustrating aspect of the “terrible twos” is the tendency kids have to spill things, eat horrible things, fall off things, flush things, and to get into things (our son Ryan used to blow bubbles in the dog’s water dish, which horrified his mother).

The picture sounds bleak. And admittedly there are moments when a toddler can wreak havoc on a home. However, even with all the struggles, there’s no more thrilling time of life than this period of dynamic blossoming and budding independence.

And it passes by all too quickly. There are many parents of older children today who would give all that they own to relive those bubbly days with their toddlers.

So, to the harassed mum out there who has just about had it with motherhood, I hope you’ll hang in there. Some day you, too, will look back on these experiences with the warmest of memories.