Mi Choza De Nipa: 05/03/2009

Friday, May 08, 2009

INTIMACY THROUGH RECREATION

By Dr Bill Maier

Are you looking for a good way to strengthen your marriage?

Try playing tennis with your spouse, or going on a bike ride.

It is a fact that couples who play together tend to stay together.

Men place a great deal of importance on shared activities with their spouse, while women tend to thrive on emotional intimacy, which usually comes through just being together.

My wife and I are into hiking and mountain biking and we've used those activities to bond, as well as to build a lot of great memories.

Some of our best conversations have taken place on the hiking trail or on the bike path.

The quickest way to let passion plummet in a relationship is to disconnect.

If he's always off playing golf with his buddies, and she's meeting with her hobby club, emotional intimacy can fall by the wayside.

The strongest couples learn to develop shared interests and then work them into their weekly schedules.

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From TODAY, Voices – Friday, 08-May-2009

A fishy solution to ending violence?

Fish oil pills, rather than new and expensive gadgets, may hold the key to dealing with violent prisoners.

Taking a cue from their counterparts in the United Kingdom, the prison authorities here are also studying the effects of fish oil on reducing violent behaviour in inmates.

These studies, however, are at a preliminary stage. If implemented, the Singapore Prison Service will be the first to explore the impact of fish oil supplements, which are rich in omega-3 fatty acid, on violent behaviour in an Asian incarcerated population.

In a pilot study of 231 prisoners published in 2002, a group of University of Oxford researchers found that violent incidents, while in custody, were cut by more than a third among those given the supplements. Overall, offences recorded by the prison authorities fell by a quarter.

Costs of administering nutritional supplements were also as low as 0.2 per cent of costs of the total expenses spent on incarcerating these offenders. Leong Wee Keat

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From TODAY, News – Wednesday, 06-May-2009

One in four returns to crime

LAW AND ORDER

But recidivism rate of 25.1% in 2006 represents 'excellent result' when compared to other countries: Shanmugam

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Leong Wee Keat, weekeat@mediacorp.com.sg

RECIDIVISM, which measures the rate of ex-offenders returning to crime, climbed slightly for those released in 2006. One out of every four ex-offenders went back to crime within two years of their release.

This increase marks the second consecutive year relapse rates have climbed: after falling from 31.2 per cent in 2002 to 23.7 per cent in 2004, re-offending rates climbed to 24.2 per cent and 25.1 per cent for the next two years.

Still, the recidivism rate for 2006 represents "an excellent result", when compared with similar penal systems in other developed countries, said Minister for Law and Second Minister for Home Affairs K Shanmugam yesterday.

Calling it "unrealistic" to expect the recidivism rate to continuously decrease each year, Mr Shanmugam said the decreasing trend would often stabilise.

For the authorities, this means it would "be more challenging to manage and rehabilitate" those who re-offend and are imprisoned again, he added.

Mr Shanmugam also called on prison officers to be prepared for a potential increase in the inmate population as the downturn bites, which might lead to a rise in the crime rate.

He said the Singapore Prison Service and the Singapore Corporation of Rehabilitative Enterprises would have to continue working on their education strategies and programmes, as well as engaging the community and families to maintain the low relapse rate or bring it even lower.

For example, the prisons will be drawing up new strategies to eliminate gang-related activities within its institutions. The authorities will introduce a "zero-sum game" programme to get inmates to renounce their gang affiliations. It will feature anti-gang education campaigns and an aftercare support network for ex-offenders, as well as research and development programmes to help uncover the reasons why inmates join gangs.

The prisons had previously introduced a zero-tolerance policy in 2001 to tackle gang issues in their institutions.

Recent figures show that there were about 22 major assaults for every 10,000 prisoners in 2007, while there were two cases of attempted gang recruitment in 2004, and one each in 2005 and 2006.

In addition, Mr Shanmugam said the Government is exploring new community-based sentencing options, under the Criminal Procedure Code Bill, that will allow some offenders to remain in the community while serving out their sentences.

For example, a Short Detention Order is being explored to give first time low-risk offenders a short experience of about one week of detention. This will, hopefully, not dislodge the offender from his family and job.

A Day Reporting Order, which would require an offender to report to a centre on a regular basis and be electronically tagged if necessary, is another option being looked at.

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From TODAY, News – Wednesday, 06-May-2009

Thursday, May 07, 2009

HOW BABIES DEVELOP

By Dr Bill Maier

Are you wondering if your 12-month-old is ever going to walk? Babies don’t always develop as quickly as we’d like and parents are natural worrywarts.

A good friend of ours recalls watching his 13-month-old boy crawling around the room, while a 10-month-old playmate walked circles around him. At the time, he wondered if something might be wrong with his toddler.

Of course, he was worried about nothing. Within a few months, he was running with the rest of his friends.

No two babies develop at exactly the same rate, and it has nothing to do with intelligence or maturity.

Physical skills are linked directly to brain growth, and brains develop at a pre-determined rate.

It’s all written into our genetic make-up. Babies walk and talk when their bodies tell them it’s time. Obviously, nutrition and fitness are important, but beyond that, there’s not much we can do to hurry them along.

From TODAY, Voices – Thursday, 07-May-2009

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

It’s hard achieving a nice blend

The term “blended family” may sound pleasant, but in reality, blending is not as easy as you might think!

With today’s high divorce rate, stepfamilies are more common than ever. And that means more parents are raising stepchildren.

Making a marriage work can be hard for any couple, but when you throw in the added pressure of step-parenting, it can often turn into a nightmare for everybody.

In these situations, couples need to work through their roles and plan beforehand how decisions will be made regarding the children.

The stepparent and biological parent should not function in a vacuum; isolated from each other.

A unified front is critical to raising healthy, happy children.

For discipline to work, children need to understand that both their parent and their stepparent set the rules — and both have the authority to carry them out.

Problems come when couples allow the kids to pit them against each other.

From TODAY, Voices – Wednesday, 06-May-2009

Pastor apologises for misusing pulpit

AWARE SAGA

He regrets backing new exco in his sermon

Alicia Wong

alicia@mediacorp.com.sg

SENIOR pastor of the Church Of Our Saviour Derek Hong has issued a public apology for using the pulpit to give backing to the Association of Women for Action and Research's (Aware) executive committee in their dispute with the group's previous leadership.

"My actions on the pulpit have aroused some tension in this saga," he said, "I now stand corrected. I undertake to be more sensitive to similar situations in the future."

Hackles were raised recently when he encouraged female churchgoers to "be engaged" and support Aware president Josie Lau and "her sisters" in the women advocacy group, in a weekend sermon posted on the church's website.

Last Sunday, the pastor also invited his congregation to pray for Aware president Josie Lau and her husband, who stood next to Mr Hong on stage.

"I regret that this matter has caused concern and unhappiness," said Mr Hong in a statement to the media. He agreed with Dr John Chew, president of the National Council of Churches of Singapore (NCCS), "that the pulpit should not have been used in this Aware saga".

On Thursday night, the NCCS had issued a statement to selected media, calling for churches to "all step back and give Aware space to settle its own matters".

"We are concerned that religion has been dragged into the unfortunate situation," it said. "We do not condone churches getting involved in this matter; neither do we condone pulpits being used for this purpose."

This does not preclude individual Christians and churches from responsible public discussions to "contribute positively" to Singapore's well-being, it noted.

Responding to media queries, Deputy Prime Minister and Home Affairs Minister Wong Kan Seng said he welcomed the comments by the umbrella Christian group.

"It will help prevent any misunderstanding that the churches are backing one side in the Aware dispute, or that this is a dispute between Christians and other Singaporeans," he said, terming NCCS' stand as "responsible".

"In our compact, multi-ethnic and multireligious society, racial and religious harmony underpins our stability. One of the key rules of engagement; therefore, is the need for tolerance and restraint by all groups.

This is the only practical way, for all groups, regardless of their size or material influence, to enjoy maximum space to pursue their different faiths in peace," said Mr Wong, who thanked the NCCS for "soberly remind(ing) us of this reality".

Both camps in Aware also agreed with the NCCS.

Aware founding member Margaret Thomas said the Old Guard was "glad" that "the council had made clear its stand on the necessary divide between religion and secular activities in Singapore".

Aware spokesperson Lois Ng said the present executive committee "concurs with NCCS that Aware's internal disputes be settled by members".

This Saturday's extraordinary general meeting is "a forum for members to do that", she added.

www.todayonline.com

Go online on Saturday evening to read reports from the Aware EGM

From TODAY, News – Weekend, 02/03-May-2009

Brain abnormality found in autistic tots: report - Yahoo! Singapore News

Image by BL1961 via Flickr

Finding out more about autism, does this mean that researchers and scientists may be able to find a cure for autism? Read the latest discovery on autism below.

Brain abnormality found in autistic tots: report - Yahoo! Singapore News

A Coming of Age of Civil Society - Yahoo! Singapore News

An EGM (Extra General Meeting) for AWARE was held, and the story goes that Old Guard, then ousted by New Guard, came back, with a league of strong members, to also oust the New Guard. And the very touchy and sensitive issues of homosexuality and religion were among those discussed. Read full story below.

A Coming of Age of Civil Society - Yahoo! Singapore News

Tuesday, May 05, 2009

ESTABLISHING HOMEWORK HABITS

By Dr Bill Maier

Kids today have more homework than ever. They definitely need some guidelines to help them get through it all.

Here are some ideas you might want to try. First, set aside a specific location for homework. A kitchen table can be distracting, especially if it is near a window. If possible, set up a desk that is private and well-lit, away from noise and activity. Make sure your children have all the books and resources they need at their fingertips.

Second, help them get organised. Get them a good file, with separate pockets and pages for each class, and teach them to track their assignments on a daily planner.

Finally, get them into a regular routine. Doing homework at the same time and place each day eliminates arguments like, “Can’t I do it after dinner?” Sometimes, the best way to solve “homework hassles” is by establishing a few good homework habits.

From TODAY, Voices – Tuesday, 05-May-2009

MOE investigates complaints over Aware sex programme

The Ministry of Education (MOE) said yesterday that some parents have expressed concern over the content found in an “AWARE Comprehensive Sexual Education: Basic Instructor Guide” that has been posted online. The MOE said it was investigating this matter. Apart from MOE’s own sexuality education programme, the ministry said that “schools can also collaborate with other agencies”. In doing so, schools must ensure that any programmes run by external agencies are guided by the same principles set out in MOE’s framework for sexuality education, said the ministry.

Why do schools engage external agencies?

As the needs of students vary across schools, schools are given the autonomy to decide on topics that would best meet their students’ needs to augment sexuality education in schools; and also on which external agency to engage. For this purpose, guidelines on the engagement of external organisations to conduct sexuality education have been given to schools.

What are the guidelines for schools to engage external vendors?

Sexuality programmes conducted by external agencies should adhere to the guiding principles as set out in the framework for sexuality education. They have to be premised on the importance of the family and respect for the values and beliefs of the different ethnic and religious communities on sexuality issues. Parents may also opt their children out of any sexuality education programme.

What should schools look out for when engaging external vendors?

Specifically, in the selection of external vendors, schools are advised to screen external agencies to ensure that they are of good repute. In addition, the schools should consider (a) background of the vendor, (b) details of the programme, (c) key messages conveyed, (d) mode of delivery that would best engage students, (e) feedback and evaluation process for future improvements.

What are the common topics covered by the external agencies?

In secondary schools, the common topics include boy-girl relationship, STI/HIV prevention, consequences of pre-marital sex, Internet safety and pornography. Postsecondary schools cover topics on STI/HIV prevention, consequences of pre-marital sex, dating, love and relationships.

Does MOE audit programmes by external agencies?

Currently, schools audit the programmes and provide MOE with the feedback. As specified in the guidelines in engaging external agencies, teachers should be present with the students to ensure that the key messages conveyed are consistent with those agreed upon by the school and the external agency. It is good practice for teachers to follow-up with their students after the workshop to clarify any outstanding issues or concerns that were either not addressed during the workshop or were surfaced during the workshop itself. Schools are also advised that they can check with Guidance Branch if they need further information and advice on the programmes conducted by specific vendors.

Source: MOE

From TODAY, News – Friday, 01-May-2009

Workshops were funded by donation

These are the days when "men are not willing to listen to sound advice, but will heap up preachers and teaching to satisfy their itching ears…" No wonder Aware's programmes are so thwarted, their endorser is already a thwarted fellow!

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THE sex education workshops conducted by Aware at 11 secondary schools last year was fully subsidised, thanks to a donation from the Chen Su Lan Trust.

Each workshop cost between $500 and $600 but was free for the schools, which have not yet been named publicly.

Yesterday, former Aware president Constance Singam revealed to Today that $35,000 out of the $113,000 donated by the Chen Su Lan Trust last year was spent on the free Comprehensive Sexuality Education (CSE) workshops at schools.

Asked if he was aware of the content of the CSE programme, Reverend Yap Kim Hao, the chairman of the Chen Su Lan Trust, said that he had been given a "rough outline" of the programme, but he had not seen the teaching materials. When Today showed him two pages of the CSE trainers' manual, which stated that "anal sex can be healthy" and that "homosexuality is perfectly normal", Rev Yap said that he "had no problems" with the content.

"I recognise there are dissenting views, but these have to be presented and it's up to the student to make a decision so (the trainer) is not promoting one particular view," said Rev Yap.

The 80-year-old is a retired Bishop of the Methodist Church here and currently pastoral adviser to the Free Community Church. According to the church's website, it accepts same-sex relationships and welcomes lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered persons. Esther Ng

From TODAY, News – Friday, 01-May-2009

We’re equals, not doubles

On some points, I agree with the writer… two becoming one doesn't necessarily mean enslaving or dominating or dissolving the other person completely; the unity is simply more than just what we perceive. There is more to a person than what we see or hear. The unspoken and unheard, the unuttered and unannounced, the hushed… when becoming one means being one in thought, but not in the execution, one in mind, but not in the action… one in emotion, but different in the presentation or display of affection…

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btw: ON DIFFERENCES IN A RELATIONSHIP

ANA OW

MY HUSBAND cannot see the light – when it comes to the styles of furnishings and fixtures that I prefer for our new apartment, that is.

D and I have been shopping for pendant lights over the past few weekends and the number of items that we both like are a dismal few.

"Sorry, but we are not having a pseudo-baroque chandelier in our bedroom," was D's last word on the matter after a couple of minor spats. He did, however, concede to the funky bronze lamps for the dining room that I picked out.

Despite the trouble it entails, I am glad for these differences of opinion. It means that we are still individuals and that in getting married, we have not morphed into a single entity – which is what I must say many Singapore couples I know tend to be or strive to become (yuck!).

I know of a woman who joins every single Facebook group her boyfriend does. She has even changed her style of dressing to suit his and mimics his speech, artistic preferences and even socio-political opinions.

I think it is sad when two people come together and one defers to the personality of the other by erasing her own.

There's no fear of that happening to D and me. We are both stubborn as hell and it takes a lot to change each other's minds. There are, however, times when he wins me over after a long battle of wits.

What's fascinating is that such conversations force me to clarify my beliefs, reflect on why I hold them in the first place and see if there is any room for manoeuvre.

Having an individual voice (and making sure it is heard) is something which I value greatly and believe to be important in an equal partnership – never mind that it may invite my significant other to challenge my opinions.

I welcome the debate – it is evidence that I'm not married to a block of wood.

To me, opposites attract and to reach a compromise and common ground despite having differences is part of an exciting and enriching life together.

D, despite being 11 years younger than me, has never been afraid of making his opinions known. While he is often keen to try out new experiences and activities that I especially enjoy, ultimately, he will decide for himself whether or not he really likes or wants something that I have suggested.

D would sooner wax his legs than accompany me to watch an art-house film, but would gladly book a French restaurant of my choice for my birthday dinner because he now appreciates the food.

Similarly, while I have tried to understand his love for comics, I would much rather read a real book. Having said that, I'm currently enjoying some of his favourite novels from the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer.

Yet when it comes to relationships, there are some things that definitely warrant an agreement from both parties involved.

You've got to see eye to eye, for example, on whether or not to get married.

The decision to have children, the number of kids in a family and how to manage shared finances are areas in which a couple must share the same goals.

Differences in opinion may exist, but common ground has to be forged if the relationship is to work.

For D and myself, raising our baby son, K, is an issue which we are eager to get right together. Altercations aside, we would do everything and more to have K know that his parents love and support him, no matter what.

So, when it comes to sofas and light fixtures, I don't mind if D doesn't share my taste. Especially when I know that where it counts the most, we are both on the same page.

myp@sph.com.sg

From myPaper, My Lifestyle – Tuesday, 05-May-2009

Goodness Follows You

May this remind all of us of God's goodness, faithfulness and love, and that we will remain rooted and built up in Him all the days of our life.

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Timmy was a little five year old boy that his Mom loved very much and, being a worrier, she was concerned about him walking to school when he started Kindergarten. She walked him to school a couple of days but when he came home one day, he told his mother that he did not want her walking him to school every day. He wanted to be like the big boys. He protested loudly, so she had an idea of how to handle it.

She asked a neighbor, Mrs. Goodnest, if she would surreptitiously follow her son to school, at a distance behind him that he would not likely notice, but close enough to keep a watch on him. Mrs. Goodnest said that since she was up early with her toddler anyway, it would be a good way for them to get some exercise as well, so she agreed.

The next school day, Mrs. Goodnest and her little girl, Marcy, set out following behind Timmy as he walked to school with another neighborhood boy he knew. She did this for the whole week.

As the boys walked and chatted, kicking stones and twigs, the little friend of Timmy noticed that this same lady was following them as she seemed to do every day all week. Finally, he said to Timmy, "Have you noticed that lady following us all week? Do you know her?"

Timmy nonchalantly replied, "Yea, I know who she is."

The little friend said, "Well who is she?"

"That's just Shirley Goodnest", Timmy said.

"Shirley Goodnest? Who the heck is she and why is she following us?"

Well, Timmy explained, every night my Mom makes me say the 23rd Psalm with my prayers because she worries about me so much. And in it, the prayer psalm says, '… Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the days of my life…', so I guess I'll just have to get used to it.

"Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me, all the days of my life; and I will dwell in the house of the LORD Forever."
Psalm 23:6

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Sent by a very good friend in the mail…

Monday, May 04, 2009

Parents should be involved as well

SEXUALITY EDUCATION
Don't just leave it to schools or authorities

Letter from Woon Sook Yi

I REFER to "Content of sessions was appropriate" from Ms Sum Chee Wah, director of Education Programmes, Ministry of Education (MOE) (April 29).

I write as a parent of three children.

I can tell the scope of subjects taught in school from its textbooks. However, family values cannot be adequately taught in school. A child's identity is largely shaped by his or her family values and upbringing, moral and religious beliefs included. A child's growth encompasses his or her emotional, physical and mental needs, as well as awareness of his or her sexuality. All these needs should be fundamentally addressed at home.

Therefore, I would suggest that the MOE relook its scope on guiding students over such non-textbook, sensitive issues. Sexuality education in particular.

Sexuality education delivered by external parties, who are also shaped by a value system, cannot be neutral or balanced. At such a session, children are vulnerable to suggestions and implications, and generally do not have the ability to process the long-term consequences over such a sensitive and intimate aspect of their life.

Sexuality has its physiological and clinical perspectives, but children eventually have to make personal choices, and their decisions and actions are still guided by family values and affirmed by family support.

My suggestion is that any programme on sexuality that students have to attend should be conducted on an opt-in basis and at least one parent should sit in with the child when these issues are discussed. This will place the onus on parents to be aware and involved in their children's wholesome education instead of leaving it to the school or the Government.

Just as we place so much emphasis on our children's first day in school, first exam (and subsequent ones) et cetera, we should also place a similar interest towards helping them move onto their next phase of wellness.

From TODAY, Voices – Thursday, 30-April-2009

A Supportive Household

By Dr Bill Maier

People who grow up happy and successful often credit their achievements to a supportive family.

So how do we develop that kind of encouraging environment in our home?

One good way is to quickly acknowledge positive behavior in our kids. When we see them helping someone else we should reward them with praise.

You might say to your son, "Thanks for giving your brother a hand with that, John."

We should also resist the urge to compare our kids with each other, or with someone else's kids.

Never say to your child, "Why can't you be more like your sister," or "You don't see David acting that way." Instead, focus on their effort and their willingness to try. You might say something like "I really appreciate you working so hard to bring your spelling grades up."

The key is to actively look for ways that you can be supportive, and to teach your kids to do the same thing.

An encouraging household is crucial to raising healthy, happy kids.

From TODAY, Voices – Monday, 04-May-2009

TAKING PRIDE IN CHILDREN

By Dr James Dobson

There is nothing wrong with feeling good about our children's success. But problems can crop up when a kid's performance is driven by parental ego. This can be seen when a child has to keep winning in order to maintain respect and love from his parents.

Boys and girls should know that they are accepted simply because of their own unique worth.

I am reminded of John McKay, a former football coach at the University of Southern California (USC). I saw him being interviewed on television some years ago when his son, John Jr, was a successful football player on the USC team. The interviewer had asked Coach McKay to comment on the pride that he must have felt over his son's accomplishments.

His answer was most impressive. "Yes," he replied. "I'm pleased that John had a good season last year. He does a fine job and I'm proud of him. But I would be just as proud if he had never played the game at all."

Coach McKay was saying, in effect, that John's football talent is recognised and appreciated, but his human worth does not depend on the ability to play football. Thus, his son would not lose his respect if the next season brought failure and disappointment. John's place in his dad's heart was secure, being independent of his performance.

I wish every child could say the same.

From TODAY, Voices – Friday, 01-May-2009

Content of sessions was appropriate

Anybody knew about this alleged unwholesome sex education by AWARE, not to mention their endorsement of "pink parents" concept, a family unit made up to 2 gays or 2 lesbians, and an adopted child? Would be good to come out in the open…

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AWARE'S SEXUALITY EDUCATION PROGRAMME

Letter from Sum Chee Wah (Ms)
Director, Education Programmes
Ministry of Education (MOE)

WE REFER to recent claims and comments about Aware's sexuality education programme in schools.

Sexuality education conducted in MOE schools is premised on the importance of the family, and respect for the values and beliefs of the different ethnic and religious communities on sexuality issues. The aim is to help students make responsible values-based choices on matters involving sexuality.

Core programmes are delivered by teachers but schools do collaborate with other agencies in delivering additional modules. However, in doing so, schools must ensure that programmes run by external agencies are secular and sensitive to the multi-religious make-up of our society. Parents can choose to opt their children out of these programmes.

Last year, 11 secondary schools engaged Aware to run workshops for their students. The number of students involved in each school ranged from about 20 to 100 and each workshop lasted three hours. The objectives of these workshops were to provide students with accurate information on Sexually Transmitted Infections/HIV, to help students understand the consequences of premarital sexual activity and to equip students with skills such as decision-making and resisting negative peer pressure.

Aware also conducted assembly talks, typically of 45-minute duration, for students in a few secondary schools. Some of the areas covered in the talks included body image, self-esteem, eating disorders, teenage pregnancies, sexual harassment and the role of women in today's context.

The schools that engaged Aware found that the content and messages of the sessions conducted were appropriate for their students and adhered to guidelines to respect the values of different religious groups. The schools did not receive any negative feedback from students who attended the workshops and talks or their parents.

In particular, MOE has also not received any complaint from parents or Dr Thio Su Mien, who was reported to have made specific claims about sexuality education in our schools. MOE has contacted Dr Thio Su Mien to seek clarifications and facts to substantiate her claims.

If parents and members of the public know of specific instances where guidelines have not been adhered to, they should report them directly to MOE to investigate. MOE recognises that sexuality education is sensitive. In conducting these programmes, the views of parents will be respected and values taught should not deviate from the social norms accepted by mainstream society in Singapore.

From TODAY, Voices – Wednesday, 29-April-2009

Friday, May 08, 2009

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