Mi Choza De Nipa: 05/17/2009

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Settling differences

By Dr Bill Maier

The secret to a healthy marriage does not lie in how you avoid conflict, but in how you learn to resolve it.

In a relationship, avoiding conflict is not healthy. That’s called living in denial.

The key to building a strong bond with your spouse is to have a good system of conflict resolution.

Dr Neil Clark Warren has some great tips for keeping conflict in line.

You begin by seeing marriage as a partnership. Couples who view themselves as two individuals in a relationship are setting themselves up for trouble.

Marriage should be seen from a “we” view, instead of an “I” perspective. When clashes occur, they should be handled quickly and decisively. You deal with it, then get past it. Never see it as a personal matter, but a decision you need to work through before moving forward.

When resolving an argument, always have a give-and-take attitude. Remember that all partnerships demand a lot of compromise.

From TODAY, Voices – Friday, 22-May-2009

Friday, May 22, 2009

What Makes A Marriage Strong?

By Dr Bill Maier

So what does it take to make a strong marriage? Most people would say "love", and they are partly right. Love is critical to a successful marriage and most people would never get married without it.

But young love is often nothing more than infatuation, and that is not enough to keep a couple together.

So what about a love that is deep and mature — is that what it takes? Some might say "yes", but even the deepest love will not keep a marriage from being tested. The strongest marriages do not rely on infatuation or even love to keep them strong. They build their relationships on commitment.

The difference is that commitment is an act of the will, not an emotion of the heart. It is two people saying to each other, "I know there will be tough times in our marriage and that we will not always feel like being together.

But in spite of how we feel, we will commit to doing whatever it takes to make this marriage work".

From TODAY, Voices – Thursday, 21-May-2009

Thursday, May 21, 2009

When stress gets out of hand

By Dr Bill Maier

It is the middle of the night and you wake up in a cold sweat. Your heart is racing and your mind frantically works to figure out what is wrong. No, this is not a bad dream ... you are probably having an anxiety attack.

Extreme anxiety is more prominent than you might think and people who struggle with it often do not know what to do or where to turn. Some stress is irrational and can become so severe that it leaves a person largely immobilised for weeks at a time. In these cases, it is almost impossible to overcome it without professional help.

But other types of stress can actually make us stronger. Everyone goes through times of trial and confusion, and anxiety is a natural response. A healthy dose of concern can often help us work through a problem, or motivate us to change.

The key is knowing when anxiety has gotten out of hand. If you go through long periods of depression or laziness on the heels of a stressful situation, you might want to see a doctor.

From TODAY, Voices – Wednesday, 20-May-2009

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Growing up a bit too soon

EARLY PUBERTY

Consult a doctor to rule out problems that could be linked to early puberty

EVELINE GAN, eveline@mediacorp.com.sg

AT AN age when most kids’ worries rarely go beyond homework and playtime, nine-year-old Liza Ang has to grapple with a very different set of problems.

They include having to put up with unsightly armpit hair and learning how to use a sanitary pad: She started menstruating early this year.

Understandably, Liza’s earlier-than-usual sexual development left her mother, Mdm Emily Peng, baffled and anxious.

“Obviously, I was shocked. I noticed that she was showing signs of puberty months earlier but I didn’t think she would get her period so early,” said the 48-year-old sales coordinator, who added that Liza’s older sister got her first period only after she turned 13.

Liza isn’t alone in her early growing-up woes.

In 2004, a nine-year-old Singaporean girl gave birth to a boy after she was impregnated by a schoolmate. The baby was eventually put up for adoption.

However, she isn’t the youngest known mother. The youngest recorded birth mother is five-year-old Peruvian, Lina Medina, who gave birth to a baby boy in 1939.

Most girls typically experience menarche — their first menstrual period — around 12, but it can sometimes happen as early as age nine.

Said Dr Sadhana Nadarajah, a consultant at the reproductive medicine department of KK Women’s and Children’s Hospital: “Medically speaking, menarche when the girl is nine is early but normal. There are some girls who experience menarche even earlier, at seven or eight.” She sees approximately one such case every two months.

What is abnormal is when puberty occurs before a girl turns eight, according to Associate Professor Lee Yung Seng, a senior consultant at National University Hospital’s (NUH) University Children’s Medical Institute’s paediatric department. The department sees about two to three such cases each month.

“In girls, puberty can occur as early as eight to 12 years, and nine to 13 in boys. Anything that occurs earlier is considered precocious puberty,” said Assoc Prof Lee.

WHAT CAUSES EARLY PUBERTY?

While no one knows for sure what causes early puberty (see box for warning signs), both doctors Today spoke to said better nutrition could be one of the reasons. Studies have also linked obesity to early puberty.

In very rare instances, when girls grow up too quickly, Assoc Prof Lee said there may be an underlying medical cause, such as brain or ovarian tumours.

“For boys who go through early puberty, there is a higher likelihood of an underlying sinister cause,” he added. This includes diseases such as tumours in the brain or testes.

That is why it is important to consult a doctor to rule out other medical problems, added Dr Sadhana.

Another medical concern for those who go through early puberty is that they may stop growing at an earlier age.

Said Assoc Prof Lee: “They may go through a phase of rapid growth initially as their bones are maturing much faster due to the effects of the surging sex hormones. But that also means the growth plates (which help the long bones grow longer) also mature faster, and will close earlier.”

TOO YOUNG TO KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON

Early puberty can be an emotional nightmare for both parents and child.

“Seven- or eight-year-olds may not have the maturity in thought to be wary about their sexuality. Some girls may also be psychologically disturbed when they are already menstruating, while the majority of their friends are not,” said Dr Sadhana.

Assoc Prof Lee added that early puberty may also lead to an inappropriate attraction to the opposite sex at a very young age.

For Mdm Peng, Liza’s childish lack of self-consciousness is especially worrying and tough to handle.

“Liza is still a child, but she doesn’t seem to feel any shyness. She refuses to bring a (sanitary) pad to school even though I’ve told her that she might need it. Whenever she gets her period, I also have to keep checking to see if she’s got her pad securely in place,” said Mdm Peng.

For concerned parents, early puberty can be suppressed medically through drugs, said Dr Sadhana. That is, if it’s not linked to any underlying medical condition.

But parents can also opt out of treatment.

“After investigations and no sinister causes are found, the parents can decide — with advice from the doctor — if they want to treat the child.

“If they feel that the child can cope and the predicted final height is acceptable, they can opt to let nature take its course,” said Assoc Prof Lee.

The warning signs.

Your child may start developing pubic or underarm hair, acne, body odour or go through a growth spurt (in height).

Boys become “more manly” as their voice deepens and facial hair develops. Their testicles and penis also enlarge.

It is also not unusual for girls to start developing breasts way before they get their first menstrual period.

From TODAY, Health – Tuesday, 19-May-2009

Curing Sleepyhead Syndrome

By Dr Bill Maier

“Just five more minutes, Mum, please?” How many times have you heard that from one of your “sleepyhead” school-aged kids? Mornings have become the new battle zone in a lot of houses.

But here’s one surefire way to put an end to the “getting-ready-for-school” battle. Are you ready? Let your kids get up on their own! I know, I know, you’re thinking: “But they’ll be late for school and it’ll affect their grades.” But my friend Dr Kevin Leman says it won’t take long for them to get the message!

The problem with forcing kids to get up is that it removes responsibility, and kids need to be held accountable for their actions. Tell them you’re only waking them up once, and then stick to it. The first time they oversleep, you might even call their teacher and explain your plan, and suggest an extra measure of discipline.

The first step in raising responsible kids is to let them feel the consequences of their actions. Like my friend the Marine drill sergeant says, “No pain, no gain!”

From TODAY, Voices – Tuesday, 19-May-2009

KEEPING TODDLERS BUSY

By Dr Bill Maier

You walk into the room and the first thing you see is lipstick all over the walls and furniture. And there in the middle stands your toddler grinning from ear to ear.

You don’t know whether to cry or pat him on the head for being so creative?

You have to love toddlers. They’re filled with energy and enthusiasm. But they also tend to get into a lot of trouble, especially when parents are distracted.

It’s easy to get angry and frustrated at their childish behaviour.

The key is patience.

A toddler’s natural curiosity can often lead to broken lamps and colored walls, but instead of getting mad, learn to redirect their energy toward constructive things.

Keep plenty of art projects and coloring books on hand. Learn to nurture their talents, not to suppress them.

Remember, the best way to keep toddlers out of trouble is to keep them busy and supervised.

From TODAY, Voices – Monday, 18-May-2009

Monday, May 18, 2009

Obama seeks 'common ground' on abortion

Posted: 18 May 2009 0407 hrs

Barack Obama

SOUTH BEND, Indiana: US President Barack Obama sought "common ground" in the decades-long culture war over abortion during a controversial address on Sunday at one of America's most prestigious Catholic universities.

Obama delivered the commencement address for graduating students and received an honorary degree at the University of Notre Dame, pitting him headlong into the nation's bitter debate over an issue that he has tried hard to finesse.

A few hundred activists lined the streets leading to the school's entrance holding signs with graphic pictures of aborted foetuses and denouncing Obama's support of abortion rights.

Obama acknowledged that "at some level, the views of the two camps are irreconcilable" but said the nation must find a way to "remain firm in our principles, and fight for what we consider right, without demonising those with just as strongly held convictions on the other side."

"When we open our hearts and our minds to those who may not think like we do or believe what we do - that's when we discover at least the possibility of common ground," Obama told graduates.

The basketball arena was filled with loud cheers and applause and the flash of cameras when Obama was presented with his honorary degree, and the audience of several thousand gave him a standing ovation when he took the podium.

Several students waved caps showing Obama logos.

One architecture student wore a sign reading "fight for unborn human rights" on top of a model of the US Supreme Court.

Local media reported the arrests of at least 19 protesters but the campus appeared largely free of disturbances as well-dressed families held picnics ahead of the ceremony.

But there was little common ground to be found among the protesters lined up outside the campus gates.

"This nation's got blood on its hands and we're going to pay the price for it," said David McWilliams, 51, who drove 160 kilometres to stand with a pair of red gloves and a t-shirt with the words "Mr Obama tear down this law: Roe vs Wade" spelled out with black and red tape.

An airplane pulling a banner with a graphic photo of an aborted foetus flew circles over South Bend, Indiana as the protesters sang "Amazing Grace" to drown out the sound of a handful of counter-protesters chanting: "Not the church. Not the state. We will decide our fate."

"There are millions of women whose right to abortion is being compromised by these Christian fascists," said Sunsara Taylor, a spokeswoman for the Supporters of the Revolutionary Communist Party.

Father Richard McBrien, a theology professor at 167-year-old Nortre Dame, said the invitation did not imply approval of the Democratic president's stances on abortion or stem-cell research.

"There are other positions he has taken, whether it's on immigration or poverty or whatever, which are entirely consistent with Catholic social teaching," McBrien said on Fox News Sunday.

"If we required 100 percent agreement with the Catholic Church's official teaching from everyone who speaks at or gets an honorary degree from a Catholic university, we would then not have any politicians of either party."

But Priests for Life national director Frank Pavone, who was leading an alternative service for Notre Dame graduates boycotting Obama, said the university and Obama were "trivialising abortion."

"We're tired of looking at abortion as on an equal level with other issues. It's not," Father Pavone told the Fox program, while noting that Obama's honorary degree was in law.

He highlighted a new Gallup poll that said for the first time since the organisation began surveying the question in 1995, most Americans identify themselves as "pro-life" rather than "pro-choice."

In the poll released on Friday, 51 percent of respondents said they were opposed to abortion while 42 percent said they for a woman's right to choose.

The controversy comes as Obama prepares to name his first nominee to the Supreme Court, a pick sure to be excoriated by some in the Republican Party if he or she is viewed as too liberal on the abortion question.

The president has attempted to defuse one of the most emotive issues in US public life by arguing that while abortion should remain legal, the government should do all it can to limit unwanted pregnancies.

But he has angered the anti-abortion lobby by reversing predecessor George W. Bush's restrictions on federal funding for embryonic stem-cell research and for family-planning groups that carry out or facilitate abortions overseas.

However, just 28 percent of Catholics surveyed in a recent Pew Centre poll thought Notre Dame was wrong to invite Obama, while half said it was the right thing to do.

Obama also managed to carry the Catholic vote in the November 4 election and was the first Democrat since 1964 to win the midwestern state of Indiana, where Notre Dame is located. - AFP/de

From ChannelNewsAsia.com; see the source article here.