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By Dr James Dobson When I was in university , I ran a long distance race I will never forget. I did not win it, but I did learn a valuable lesson about myself, and about marriage . Although I had not trained properly, I bounded onto the track full of energy and optimism. At the sound of the starting gun, I tore off as fast as I could and left the pack far behind. By the second lap, however, my side was splitting and the pack was closing in on me. Somewhere near the halfway mark, I was sucking air frantically and my chest was heaving like a great grey whale. I soon collapsed on the infield grass in a sweating heap of failure, losing the race and my pride in one great disaster. Marathons are very different from sprints, and you have to learn to pace yourself if you're going to endure to the finish line. And isn't that true of married life, too? You have to set a pace that you can maintain through all the ups and downs of everyday living, and make up your mind to let nothing kno...

Image via Wikipedia By Dr Bill Maier Is your child spending too much time in front of the television? Here are a few good ways to "uproot" your little couch potato ! Young kids often watch television simply because they're bored and can't think of anything else to do. Why not have them list all the things they enjoy doing, like playing board games , kicking around a soccer ball , riding bikes, or drawing pictures. Then post that sheet on the fridge and give them a reward whenever they do something on their list other than watching TV . It could be as simple as a gold sticker or an after-dinner snack. You might also promise a special celebration for kids who choose to go a whole week without TV. Throw a party to affirm them for spending their time in more productive ways. Watching television can easily become a negative habit, and the best way to break it is through encouragement and rewards. And kids who learn to tune out at a young age are much less likely to grow ...

Image by Terry McCombs via Flickr By Dr James Dobson There's a fancy word for kids who don't do well in school. We call these kids underachievers. I would make three recommendations that can reach some kids: 1. Since most underachievers are terribly disorganised, help him establish a system for studying. Turn off the television set and make sure the proper investment in homework is made. 2. Stay in close contact with his teachers and know what's going on in school. I promise you that your son or daughter will not keep you so informed. 3. Seek tuition to provide the one-on-one help that may make the difference. There are some hardcore underachievers who seem determined to fail in school. For them no amount of pushing will get them motivated. In those cases I recommend that you go with the flow and accept the child just as he is. Not every youngster can be squeezed into the same mould, and it's a wise parent who knows when to race the engine and when to let it idle. F...

Image via Wikipedia By Dr James Dobson When you try to teach your young child to be responsible and you just don't get anywhere, what can you do? Well, many times turning a teaching situation into a game is the best way to get results. Sometimes, kids have a hard time learning and remembering the things their parents tell them. It's not that they're trying to be rebellious — they simply forget to hang up the towel or to come to dinner on time. In cases like this, you might try making a game out of it. Kids love all sorts of contests and games, especially if adults will play along with them. If you're struggling to teach your kids a lesson in responsibility and you're not getting anywhere, try turning it into a game, and see how little fun can make a child eager to learn. From TODAY, Voices – Tuesday, 15-Sep-2009 Related articles by Zemanta You Aren't Lazy - You're Just Being Green (califmom.com) Our Mommy and Me Swim Class Experience (momblognetwork.com...

Image by chooyutshing via Flickr By Dr Bill Maier A friend wrote me about something that happened at her five year old's birthday party. Her daughter kept looking around the room as she opened her gifts. "What's wrong?" her mother asked. "I'm just looking for the rest of the gifts," her daughter answered. The mother wasn't too happy about her child's behaviour. I told her not to be too worried. Five year olds are still learning concepts like unselfishness and gratitude. But the incident showed just how easily kids can fall into the trap of materialism . Today's culture is saturated with greed and self-centredness. It's an uphill battle to raise kids with greatful, contented hearts, but it can be done. Begin by modelling a healthy attitude. Remember to be thankful for the many blessings in your life, and teach your children to do the same. You might volunteer your family to work at a homeless shelter, or visit shut-ins at a nursing h...

By Dr Bill Maier So what do teenagers want out of life? Well, the same things you and I want — love, acceptance and purpose. Too often, parents forget that teenagers aren't big kids — they're young adults. And they're struggling daily through this tough transition between childhood and adulthood . Teens who get involved in drugs, sex, alcohol and other damaging patterns of behaviour aren't looking for trouble — they're looking for love and affirmation. And whether they know it or not, they're seeking something to commit their lives to. If you want to affect the life of a teenager, you begin by stepping into their world and letting them know you care. Be the role model that they need and accept them for who they are, not who you think they should be. Raising happy teens isn't that difficult. They need love. They need acceptance. And they need family . From TODAY, Voices – Monday, 07-Sep-2009 Related articles by Zemanta Teenage Drinking: Anita Shreve Novel ...

Image via Wikipedia By Dr Bill Maier Some kids are natural born leaders, but most kids tend to be followers. That's not a bad thing, as long as they're following the right people. All kids struggle with peer pressure , but those who are followers seem to be more easily swayed. And when children group together, a definite pecking order starts to develop. The leaders will soon be calling the shots, and most will likely follow them. But smart kids know when to tag along and when to quietly slip away. Teach your kids how to recognize when someone is a bad influence. Ask them specific questions about their friends, like: "What kind of language does Johnny use?" or "Doesn't Cindy get into a lot of trouble at school?" Find out who they're playing with and why, and help them think through their choices of playmates. Most kids want to stay away from trouble; sometimes they just need a little help recognising the warning signs along the way. From TODAY, Voi...

Image via Wikipedia It's not about the birds and the bees anymore… How to talk with your kids about sex when they thing you're clueless. By Maggie Karner Thank you for coming today. That not only tells me something about your desire to be an effective parent. It says you love your children and are looking for God's guidance, but it also sends an important signal to your kid. I wanted to talk with you individually because I want to encourage you in your "vocation" as parent. This is the doctrine of vocation. The term literally means "calling." According to Luther, every Christian is called to particular offices and tasks, through which God Himself works to govern and care for His created order. Lutheran author and educator Gene Veith says "God teaches through teachers; He protects us through the vocations of police officers, firefighters, soldiers and government officials; He brings beauty through artists; He proclaims His Word and administers His S...

Image via Wikipedia By Dr Bill Maier Kids don't always tell us when something is bothering them. That's why it's important to watch for those little red flags. Any time a child's behaviour changes, it's a good sign that something different is going on in their life. It could be a problem at school, like being picked on by a bully. Or they could be having nightmares, or other unsettling events. One mother noticed that her 12-yearold girl suddenly developed separation anxiety . The behaviour seemed to come out of nowhere, so the mother knew instinctively that something was wrong. I told her to have a heart-to-heart talk with her daughter, and to try and draw her out. Children don't always share their problems, so it's important to let them know that it's safe to tell us when something — or someone — is bothering them. Just talking through a struggle is often the best way to fix it. From TODAY, Voices – Wednesday, 26-Aug-2009

Image by Army.mil via Flickr By Dr Bill Maier One of the hardest parts about setting limits with your kids is figuring out what those limits should be. And it's important that you and your spouse agree. The worst thing you can do is to show a divided front when it comes to discipline. Be sure you've worked out a clear plan of action with your spouse before laying down the rules to your children. Sometimes it helps to write it out, so that there's no confusion later. Never argue about your rules in front of the kids. It undermines the very thing you're trying to achieve — letting them know that your rules have no wiggle room. Most importantly, don't let yourself be ambushed by kids who try to play one parent against the other. Once the rules have been set, make sure they're enforced by both you and your spouse. From TODAY, Voices – Monday, 24-Aug-2009 Related articles by Zemanta Christian couples share an e-mail address to resist temptation (timesunion.com) ...

Image via Wikipedia By Dr Bill Maier "Tommy, stop hitting your sister!" "Jamie, tell your brother you're sorry!" My, my, you'd think two kids who came from the same womb could get along. Sibling rivalry is a frustrating issue, and it's not always clear how to best handle it. Most parents deal with it by separating the kids, maybe sending each of them to their rooms. But doesn't that just teach them to walk away from their problems? There's a solution you might not have considered. When kids can't get along, what they need is a lesson in cooperation. So why not discipline them by making them complete a task together? Try giving them just one rake and one trash bag and having them clean a small section of the yard. It'll take a cooperative effort to get the job done. Separating kids when they fight doesn't solve the problem; it just puts it off. What kids need is a lesson in working together. From TODAY, Voices – Friday, 14-Aug-2009 R...

Image via Wikipedia By Dr Bill Maier Are you tired of watching your kids clean their rooms with a shovel ? Getting some kids to clean their rooms is like asking the sun to rise in the West! They can be straight-A students, but their bedrooms look like a war zone! Some parents throw their hands up and say: "Well, it's their room, and if they want to live that way, so be it." But I'm not sure that's the best approach. A clean room is often a sign of respect for self and others. And every child should be held to a certain level of neatness, even if it's just "acceptable". One good approach is to set clear rules regarding cleanliness . You might post a memo on the fridge that every Tuesday and Saturday are "Pick-up days" and nobody eats dinner until their rooms are in order; then stick to it. Most kids won't be as concerned about corners as you are, so don't demand perfection. As long as they dig out the shovel and make a serious effo...

Image via Wikipedia By Dr Bill Maier How does your primary school daughter feel about the way she looks? More importantly, how should she feel? One writer tells of a conversation he had with an eight-year-old girl. She told him her hips were too big, and that she was planning to go on a diet. "I want to look just like Britney Spears ," the young girl said. Even young kids these days are concerned about body image . The ultra-thin models we see on television have become the standard by which they compare themselves. And who could possibly measure up? If you want to help your child develop a healthy body image, begin by voicing a healthy image of your own body. Research shows that parents who talk negatively about the way they look tend to have kids who do the same. Also, compliment them regularly, concentrating on their character instead of their physical appearance . Love and accept yourself and your child, and they'll learn to love and accept themselves as well. Fro...

Image by Getty Images via Daylife By Dr Bill Maier It's a wonder kids ever get their homework done with all the distractions life throws at them. They've got sports , choir, drama class and dozens of other activities they could sign up for. A lot of them have chores to do at home, as well. Most adults cannot even keep up with their kids' schedules! When kids have trouble getting their homework done, it's often because they're simply too busy. Parents need to step in and help whenever possible. Begin by setting clear boundaries on their time. Kids often feel pressured to sign up for every event that comes along — especially if they're overachievers. It also helps to teach them how to break down large projects into bite-sized chunks. Kids who are busy will often put off big homework assignments until the last minute, putting even greater pressure on themselves. Finally, insist that they establish healthy eating and sleeping habits. From TODAY, VOICES – Monday...

Image via Wikipedia From Dr James Dobson A mother once related an incident which occurred when she was taking her three-year-old son to a nursery school for the first time. Another mother was also arriving with her twin girls, and as they walked into the centre, the director just got very excited about the beauty of the little girls. "Oh, my!" she said, "Your girls are just gorgeous!" Well, the first mother said that there were 15 other children who were standing around the room, watching and listening to their teacher, and you can believe they learned something that day, about the values of the culture . A bright preschooler is fully capable of thinking, "No one ever says that to me. It must be important to be pretty." Indeed, research has demonstrated that by the age of three, those who are physically attractive already enjoy greater popularity among their peers. Those youngsters who are not admired by their peers are often troubled by that fact from...

By Dr Bill Maier All right kids , pay attention, because today's message is for you! When was the last time you told Mum how much you appreciate all she does? Have you thanked her for driving you to school and football practice and your many other activities? How about the food she puts on the table? Or the piles of laundry she sifts through? It's easy to take mums for granted, but the fact is, she doesn't have to do all these things. She does them because she loves you. Why not take time to return the favour? It doesn't take much to make mums happy – a simple note of thanks will mean more to her than you can imagine. Better yet, why not give her a day off? Pick a Saturday and take over all the chores. Let her curl up with a good book and spend the day catering to her every need, just to let her know how much you love her. From TODAY, Voices – Friday, 31-Jul-2009

Image via Wikipedia By Dr Bill Maier It doesn't take new parents long to discover that kids like to make their own decisions. They always have strong ideas about when they should eat, sleep or play. And that's a good thing. Parents would worry about them if they didn't show signs of individuality. Kids need to learn to think for themselves and make their own decisions. The downside is kids don't always make the best decisions. Sometimes they choose to obey; other times they choose to rebel. Primary schoolers don't always do their homework , and teens don't always obey their curfew . That's why parenting by trying to control doesn't work. Instead of forcing them to obey, we need to instill in them a desire to be obedient. And that's done through developing a loving, caring relationship from the earliest age. From TODAY, Voices – Thursday, 30-Jul-2009 Related articles by Zemanta Parenting???? (parenting-success.com) How to Handle Conflicts between...

Image via Wikipedia By Dr Bill Maier Kids need parents as much as they need air and water . Our acceptance and approval are critical to their sense of self-worth. That's why it's important to look for opportunities to connect with our kids, and build into their future. Use mornings as a time of encouragement. Experts say that the first five minutes you spend with your child are the most important, so don't take that time lightly. Give them a big hug and a hearty smile, and let that set the tone for the entire day. After school, ask them how their studies went. Talk to them about whatever is on their mind, whether it's sports or friends, or even girls. And listen. This is how you get to know what's going on in their world. Finally, put them to bed with a hug, and another word of encouragement. From TODAY, Voices - Thursday, 16-Jul-2009 Related articles by Zemanta So Many Joys in Life (LearnThis.ca) Sibling reverly (busymom.net) Hope, Encouragement and the P...