In Search of Heroes

By Dr James Dobson

Children nowadays live in a world without heroes, and that may be because we’ve taught them that genuine heroes don’t really exist. According to Mr Peter H Gobbon, headmaster of the Hackley School in New York, the tradition of teaching exemplary lives — the study of heroes and role models — has ended. My generation studied the courageous individuals who succeeded against all odds. Admittedly, some of these stories became a bit idealised, but they inspired us to reach for the best within us.

Today’s students know all the dirt and the weaknesses of human failure. Yes, Abraham Lincoln was politically calculating and he suffered from depression. But he exhibited astonishing political and moral courage and always appealed to “the better angels of our nature”.

I think parents must stand against this onslaught and help the next generation find worthy heroes again. How else can they tell good from bad? We should be cautious about emphasising human failure at too young an age so as not to shatter the idealism of youth. But most importantly, we need to start the study of exemplary lives at home — modelling the good and heroic for our own children. That’s where they will find lasting heroes.


From TODAY, Voices - Friday, 14-May-2010
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The return home

By Dr James Dobson

Recently I heard an incredible story of the perseverance of the Pacific Salmon featured in a nature video produced by the Moody Institute of Science. A salmon was spawned in a hatchery in northern California, released into a channel which led to a stream, the stream to a river, and the river to the Pacific Ocean.

After becoming ocean-bound, the fish swam thousands of kilometres. Then, as if by command, he began a treacherous journey back to the place of his spawning.

Not only did the fish locate the spot where he’d entered the ocean, but also the river, the stream, and the exact inlet from which he had been released. But here’s the almost unbelievable part of the story. The salmon worked his way up through a drain and pushed through a heavy-screened lid on top of a one-metre vertical pipe, to end up in the very same tank from which he was hatched. Special markings on his fin confirmed the amazing journey.

There is, perhaps, a parallel between the early life of the salmon and the impact we, as parents, have on our children. Our kids are shaped forever by the love and training received at home. They will always be influenced by the experiences that characterised the family in which they were raised. It’s an awesome thought.


From TODAY, Voices - Thursday, 13-May-2010
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Time for Teens

By Dr James Dobson

There are times in every family when rules and restrictions must be imposed, even during the teen years. But let me make this point emphatically: Rules without relationship lead to rebellion.

Family psychologist and author Dr Kevin Leman tells of the time he had to leave on a trip just a day or two before Valentine’s Day. His wife Sandy remarked over the phone that their teenage daughter had received a letter of acceptance from the university she wanted to attend. Dr Leman decided that this event was worth some extra attention. He called a florist and ordered a dozen pink sweetheart roses for his daughter. The next evening when he called home, his daughter got on the phone to thank him from the bottom of her heart. She said: “When I saw the delivery man at the door, I knew the flowers had to be for Mum, on Valentine’s Day. But then I saw my own name on them and thought, my goodness, they must be from my boyfriend. But, Daddy, they were from you. And that’s even better.”

Dr Leman is a very wise man. If you have teens, take the time to build relationships in every way you can: Go to their games, their school open-houses. And you might think about flowers for your daughters. That expression of love will come back to you in a hundred ways, especially the next time you have to say “no” to a disappointed teen.


From TODAY, Voices - Wednesday, 12-May-2010
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Growing up with values

This is one short article that I would say is most striking to me - the truth of it cannot be overvalued, and more so, underestimated. Our kids are learning more from what we do, either separately or together, than from what we say. The learning process is complicated even more when we send mixed signals, saying one thing, and doing another.

May we be worthy parents, in words and in deed. (What do you know, today is my father's birthday, and he is now 85 years old)

Read on...
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By Dr James Dobson

It has been said that values are not taught to children – they’re caught by them. Children absorb what their mothers and fathers believe by watching them in everyday situations.

Dr Kevin Leman relates the story of Mr Manuel Pacheco, who was the first Hispanic to be appointed president of the University of Arizona. One of 12 children, Mr Pacheco grew up in extreme poverty on a small farm in New Mexico that his father had managed to purchase. Said Mr Pacheco: “We didn’t even get electricity in the house until 1954.”

But what was lacking in money was made up for in love and in values training that would later help him succeed. He said: “My mother and I ran a dairy farm by ourselves from the time I was seven years old. I’d get up at four o’clock in the morning, get the cows, milk them, and then get ready for school. The expectation was that it didn’t matter what we were going to do. If we were going to do it, we needed to do it well.”

Mr Pacheco then went on to finance his own university education with part-time jobs.

We can all learn something about teaching values from the Pacheco family. Most importantly, they have to be modelled early. Every day, we as parents are influencing our boys and girls just by the way we approach our lives. Why? Because those little eyes are watching us.


From TODAY, Voices - Tuesday, 11-May-2010
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Single-parent blues

By Dr James Dobson

Take all the problems associated with parenting and multiply them by two. Now you have some idea of what I call the single-parent blues: Having twice the problems, with half the resources to deal with them.

How do the blues get started? Often, it’s with the single parents themselves. Unwittingly, those parents will pass on their own stress points to their kids.

Take, for example, the issue of self-esteem. Children in single-parent homes are more likely to fight and compete with one another for love and acceptance. Why? Because the parent is struggling with these very feelings themselves and has only a limited amount to share with the children.

Bitterness is another transferable commodity. If a parent feels resentment over the death of a spouse or has anger against a departing husband or wife, the children will often display feelings of anger and bitterness that they can’t explain.

A harsh attitude by the remaining parent can deeply wound children who may not share these feelings about the missing mother or father.

If you are a single parent and you’ve struggled with these impulses, I want to affirm you today.

You have the toughest job in the universe, but I’ll bet you’re doing it better than you think! Keep your confidence. Hang in there! It’s worth the stress of these child-rearing years to give them the very best that lies within.


From TODAY, Voices - Monday, 10-May-2010
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