60 YEARS IN HIDING

From TODAY

Friday July 25, 2008

By Dr James Dobson

The game “Hide and seek” is fun for kids, but many adults play a hiding game that’s really not much fun at all.

I recently saw a fascinating story in The Seattle Times. The headline read, “Sixty Years in Hiding for World War Two Soldiers?” Two former Japanese military men, now in their late-80s, had presumably been hiding in the remote mountains of the Philippines since 1945!

These two aren’t the only World War II diehards. In the 1970s, Japanese soldiers emerged from jungles and caves on several different islands, after years of eating frogs and rats, and weaving clothes from tree bark.

As astonishing as that sounds, I’m equally amazed to learn about the hidden lives of “respectable” people in my community, and in yours.

These are the same smiling faces that you see at work, at church, or in the supermarket. It’s shocking to learn that they’ve been hiding an addiction, or a secret sin, a dysfunction, or extramarital affair. These secrets will eventually rip a family to shreds, or even lead to violence or suicide.

Tormented souls need not hide out in jungles and caves anymore. Help is available from counsellors and pastors, and there are some wonderful support groups out there. Of course, it will take courage to come out of hiding, but that’s how healing begins.

Conflict in the home

From TODAY Thursday July 24, 2008

By Dr James Dobson

One of the most common sources of conflict between married couples is caused by differing assumptions.

Some years ago, I had a hectic professional life. I was a full-time professor at a medical school and also travelling and speaking far more than usual. I exhausted myself during this time. Finally, I had earned a badly-needed day off, and I had planned to watch a football game that Saturday.

My wife also felt that she had paid her dues. For six weeks, she had taken care of the kids and run the home. It was entirely reasonable that I spend my Saturday doing things that she wanted done around the house.

Both of us had a right to feel as we did, but the two ideas were simply incompatible. On Saturday morning, when she asked me to clean the backyard umbrella, there was an exchange of harsh words that took us about three days to recover from.

Neither of us was looking for a fight, yet we both felt misunderstood and hurt by the other. Our conflict was typical of what goes on every day in a million other homes. It all came down to differing assumptions.

MEN IN MID-LIFE CRISIS

From TODAY Wednesday July 23, 2008

By Dr James Dobson

Much has been written in recent years about men who go through mid-life crises and the condition is very real.

It is brought on largely by the sudden awareness that youth is passing and that old age is just around the corner.

That simple thought creates a kind of panic in some men. They exchange their suits and ties for silk shirts, which are left unbuttoned about down to the navel.

Men in a mid-life crisis then try to beef-up their image with racy car. A Porsche or a Ferrari gets the job done, but a guy with financial limits might have to settle for an old Volkswagen.

Thus outfitted, the ageing gentleman and his shaky ego set out to find a younger woman.

This spectre is not so humorous to the loved ones who are watching their husbands or fathers search for the Fountain of Youth. It rattles the very foundations of the home.

All they can do is continue to love him and hope he’ll come to his senses before his family is destroyed.

Indeed, millions of families have ended up just that way.

FIXATION ON BEAUTY HARMS KIDS

From FOCUS ON THE FAMILY
TODAY Tuesday July 22, 2008

By Dr James Dobson

We have talked about the many stories in children’s traditional literature that emphasise the importance of being gorgeous, especially if you are female.

I mentioned a few of them yesterday, such as Sleeping Beauty,The Ugly Duckling and Snow White, whose evil queen asked the question, “Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?” Now why would the queen say that? The fairest was the most beloved and respected person in the land, that’s why.

And what about Cinderella? If you’ve ever seen the illustrations in Cinderella, you would have seen the huge difference between Cinderella and her step-sisters. Sure, she was ragged and uncombed, but the basic ingredient was there. It wasn’t the tiara or the gown that shook up the prince when Cinderella arrived at the ball. You can bet she was a pretty little thing.

There’s a serious side to this fixation on beauty in kids’ literature and what they see on television and in the movies.

Many little girls, grow up believing that if they’re physically imperfect in any way, they’re worthless human beings who will never be loved or respected. This can lead to anorexia, bulimia, or even suicide. There has to be a better way to raise kids.

BEAUTY IN CHILDREN’S LITERATURE

From FOCUS ON THE FAMILY
TODAY Monday July 21, 2008

By Dr James Dobson

Have you ever stopped to consider just how effectively children’s traditional literature teaches children, and especially little girls, that they must be beautiful – or else? It’s just amazing to see how many of the age-old stories centre around physical attractiveness in one form or another.

Take for example The Ugly Duckling. This is a story about an unhappy little bird who was rejected by the betterlooking ducks. Fortunately for him, he had a beautiful swan inside, which surfaced in young adulthood.

Then there’s Sleeping Beauty. Why wasn’t that story entitled “Sleeping Ugly”? Because the prince wouldn’t have awakened her with a gentle kiss, that’s why.

How about Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer? Rudolph had a weird nose which caused his reindeer friends to laugh and call him names. They wouldn’t let poor Rudolph join in the reindeer games. This story has nothing to do with reindeer. It has everything to do with children. This is how they treat those different from them.

Nearly every one of the traditional stories has this emphasis on beauty tucked within them. But what does it do to little girls to tell them, throughout childhood, that they must be gorgeous in order to be worthy? We’ll deal with that question tomorrow.