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By Dr Bill Maier Are you wondering if your 12-month-old is ever going to walk? Babies don’t always develop as quickly as we’d like and parents are natural worrywarts. A good friend of ours recalls watching his 13-month-old boy crawling around the room, while a 10-month-old playmate walked circles around him. At the time, he wondered if something might be wrong with his toddler . Of course, he was worried about nothing. Within a few months, he was running with the rest of his friends. No two babies develop at exactly the same rate, and it has nothing to do with intelligence or maturity. Physical skills are linked directly to brain growth, and brains develop at a pre-determined rate. It’s all written into our genetic make-up. Babies walk and talk when their bodies tell them it’s time. Obviously, nutrition and fitness are important, but beyond that, there’s not much we can do to hurry them along. From TODAY, Voices – Thursday, 07-May-2009

The term “ blended family ” may sound pleasant, but in reality, blending is not as easy as you might think! With today’s high divorce rate , stepfamilies are more common than ever. And that means more parents are raising stepchildren. Making a marriage work can be hard for any couple, but when you throw in the added pressure of step-parenting, it can often turn into a nightmare for everybody. In these situations, couples need to work through their roles and plan beforehand how decisions will be made regarding the children. The stepparent and biological parent should not function in a vacuum ; isolated from each other. A unified front is critical to raising healthy, happy children. For discipline to work, children need to understand that both their parent and their stepparent set the rules — and both have the authority to carry them out. Problems come when couples allow the kids to pit them against each other. From TODAY, Voices – Wednesday, 06-May-2009   ...

By Dr Bill Maier Kids today have more homework than ever. They definitely need some guidelines to help them get through it all. Here are some ideas you might want to try. First, set aside a specific location for homework. A kitchen table can be distracting, especially if it is near a window. If possible, set up a desk that is private and well-lit, away from noise and activity. Make sure your children have all the books and resources they need at their fingertips. Second, help them get organised. Get them a good file, with separate pockets and pages for each class, and teach them to track their assignments on a daily planner. Finally, get them into a regular routine. Doing homework at the same time and place each day eliminates arguments like, “Can’t I do it after dinner?” Sometimes, the best way to solve “homework hassles” is by establishing a few good homework habits. From TODAY, Voices – Tuesday, 05-May-2009

By Dr Bill Maier People who grow up happy and successful often credit their achievements to a supportive family. So how do we develop that kind of encouraging environment in our home? One good way is to quickly acknowledge positive behavior in our kids. When we see them helping someone else we should reward them with praise. You might say to your son, "Thanks for giving your brother a hand with that, John." We should also resist the urge to compare our kids with each other, or with someone else's kids. Never say to your child, "Why can't you be more like your sister," or "You don't see David acting that way." Instead, focus on their effort and their willingness to try. You might say something like "I really appreciate you working so hard to bring your spelling grades up." The key is to actively look for ways that you can be supportive, and to teach your kids to do the same thing. An encouraging household is crucial to raising healthy,...

By Dr James Dobson There is nothing wrong with feeling good about our children's success. But problems can crop up when a kid's performance is driven by parental ego. This can be seen when a child has to keep winning in order to maintain respect and love from his parents. Boys and girls should know that they are accepted simply because of their own unique worth. I am reminded of John McKay, a former football coach at the University of Southern California (USC). I saw him being interviewed on television some years ago when his son, John Jr, was a successful football player on the USC team. The interviewer had asked Coach McKay to comment on the pride that he must have felt over his son's accomplishments. His answer was most impressive. "Yes," he replied. "I'm pleased that John had a good season last year. He does a fine job and I'm proud of him. But I would be just as proud if he had never played the game at all." Coach McKay was saying, in effect...

By Dr James Dobson One of the most poignant songs ever written is Cat's in the Cradle by the late Harry Chapin. The lyrics of that sad song tell the story of a father who has good intentions toward his young son, but is too busy with work. There are always planes to catch and bills to pay. And the father finds himself making excuses. "When are you coming home, Dad?" "I don't know when, but we'll get together then, son. You know we'll have a good time then." Despite the disappointments, the boy loves and admires his father. He repeatedly says: "I'm gonna be like you, Dad. You know I'm gonna be like you." Time passes, and the boy becomes a young man. The father's priorities have changed now. He'd like to visit his grown-up son, but now it's the son's turn to make excuses. "You see, my new job's a hassle, and the kids have the flu. But it's been nice talking to you, Dad. It's been nice talking to you....

By Dr James Dobson The chances are, at least once or twice during your role as a parent, you are going to do or say something that will make your child angry with you. Should he or she be allowed to express that emotion? If a child grows up unable to verbally express his negative emotions toward his or her parent, often he or she will show it in other ways through what psychologists call “passive aggression”. Maybe your child will pout, get bad grades, or even eat too much. Usually children are not aware that these choices are being fuelled by anger. They are simply unconscious ways of expressing accumulated hostility toward parents. So it is important to allow children to ventilate the irritations they have stored inside. On the other hand, I firmly believe that children should be taught to be respectful to their parents. I think it is wise to tell our children that they can say anything to us, including negative things, as long as it is said in a respectful manner. For example...

By Dr James Dobson It’s a good thing to praise children for the praiseworthy things they do. But is there a limit to the compliments we offer them? Praise is essential to a child’s self-esteem and children who grow up without it typically wither like un-watered plants. But too many good words for the wrong reasons can be inflationary in nature. This is called flattery, and the essence of it is that it is unearned. It is what grandma says when she comes for a visit — “Oh, look at my beautiful little girl! You’re getting prettier every day!” Or, “My, what a smart boy you are!” Flattery happens when you heap compliments on a child for something he does not achieve. Praise, however, is a genuine response to good things your child has done. It should be highly specific. “You’ve been a good boy” is too general. Much better is, “I like the way you cleaned your room today!” Or, “I’m proud of the way you studied for that math assignment!” Praise reinforces the child’s constructive ...

By Dr James Dobson I want to talk to parents today about the very important distinction between childish irresponsibility and wilful defiance. Let me explain. Suppose little Chris is acting silly in the living room and falls onto a table, breaking some expensive china cups. Or maybe he loses his books on the way home from school or leaves his bike out in the rain. Now, these are acts of childish irresponsibility, which are inevitable during the early years. Forgetting things, losing things and spilling things do not represent direct challenges to authority, and they should be handled very gently. But when a child stamps her foot and tells her mom or dad to “shut up”, something very different is going on. She’s moved into the realm of willful defiance. It occurs when the child knows what the parent wants, but she clenches her little fists, digs in her heels and prepares for a battle. It is a refusal to accept parental leadership. When this kind of nose-to-nose confrontation occurs, a fi...

By Dr James Dobson We talked last time about the flighty, disorganised children who absolutely refuse to do assigned schoolwork. Let me share some thoughts about that underachieving child. First, these children are not intrinsically inferior to their hard-working siblings. Yes, it would be wonderful if every student used his or her talent to their best advantage, but each child is unique and does not have to fit the same mould. Besides, the low achiever sometimes out-performs the academic superstar in the long run. That was what happened to Albert Einstein and Thomas Edison. So do not write-off that disorganised, apparently lazy child as a lifelong loser. He or she may surprise you. Second, you will never turn an underachieving youngster into a scholar by nagging, pushing, threatening and punishing. If you try to squeeze your child into something he or she is not, you will only aggravate yourself and irritate the child. Third, stay as close as possible to the school. Your child is not ...

By Dr James Dobson Let’s talk today about two kinds of children that are seen in every school classroom. Those in the first category are by nature rather organised individuals who just care about details. They take their learning process very seriously and assume full responsibility for assignments given. Parents of these children don’t have to monitor their progress to keep them working. It’s their way of life, and it’s consistent with their temperaments. In the second category of children are boys and girls who just don’t fit in with the structure of the classroom. They have a natural aversion to work and they love to play. They withstand a storm of parental protest every few weeks, and then when no one’s looking, slip back into apathy. We really should talk more about these disorganised children, because God sure made a lot of them. They drive their parents to distraction, and their unwillingness to work can turn their homes into World War III. I have some suggestions that may help,...

FOCUS ON THE FAMILY From TODAY, Voices Wednesday, 28-January-2009 By Dr Bill Maier Sometimes, the best thing we can do for our children is to let them make their decisions on their own. When our children are very young, we parent by controlling what they do. We tell them what to eat, where to go, and what they can and cannot get into. It’s our job to keep them safe and teach them right from wrong. But as children get older, they start to assert more control over their lives – and that’s a good thing. But many parents are so used to making decisions for their children that they try to hang on to that control – sometimes for much longer than they should. As children become teenagers, it’s important to let them think for themselves. They still need parenting, but on a different level. Instead of controlling what they do, our job is to guide and mentor them towards good decisions. If we’ve raised them right, this transition should come about naturally.

Lifted from FOCUS ON THE FAMILY TODAY • Monday • June 9, 2008 Make Room for Childhood By Dr Bill Maier Applying makeup to four-year-olds and giving them adult-looking dolls at five, letting them date at 12, and virtually emancipating them at 16 … Is this the best preparation for adulthood? I think not. We used to give children time to grow up. We dressed them differently from adults – boys in short pants and girls in fluffy dresses with natural hairstyles. We told them to act respectfully, to address their elders and to mind their manners when adults were around. Becoming a grown-up was a big deal. Adults were considered to be stronger and wiser than children. Children had plenty of time to play and giggle and be themselves. Nowadays, though, kids are presented on television as having more insight than their elders. They are used as confidants and are rushed, ready or not, from the womb to nursery school to the adult world in a few short years. But all this scurrying to maturity leaves...

From FOCUS ON THE FAMILY, Today, 04-Jun-2008 edition A Bullied Child By Dr Bill Maier Would you know if your child was being bullied in school? Most of us think we know our kids pretty well, but they don’t always give clear clues about what’s going on in their world. When kids are bullied it’s embarrassing for them and they may not want their parents to know about it, even though they need someone to confide in. There are some signs we can watch out for. Some kids may develop irrational fears that they didn’t have before. When it comes time for school, they may complain of vague physical ailments, such as headaches or stomach pain. Other kids may develop nightmares, or have trouble sleeping. Any behaviour that seems out of the ordinary may mean your child is struggling with a bully at school. Of course, it could also signal a more serious problem. Observant parents are quick to notice these changes and even quicker to step in and help. Kids who are most reluctant to talk about their pr...