Mi Choza De Nipa: 05/10/2009

Saturday, May 16, 2009

POOR PAUL GETTY

American educator William Lyon Phelps once said: “Every man who is happily married is a successful man, even if he has failed in everything else.” I certainly agree.

For many years, I lived a short drive from the J Paul Getty Museum in Southern California, which houses some of the most incredible artwork in the world. This priceless collection was just one small hobby for Getty, who was reportedly the richest man alive in his time. He ruled over an enormous oil empire. When asked how much he was worth, he answered: “Several billion dollars,” and he added: “… but remember, a billion dollars isn’t worth what it used to be.”

Getty was a workaholic. He had six failed marriages and poor relationships with his sons. His wives said that they could never share a life with this man who was possessed by an all-consuming passion for business. What do you suppose J Paul Getty thought about on his death bed in June 1976? Here’s one quote that opens a window into the soul of a very sad man. He said: “I hate and regret the failure of my marriages. I would gladly give all my millions for just one lasting marital success.”

So, J Paul Getty was perhaps the poorest man who ever lived. It’s my wish that we become both richer and wiser today, by learning from his mistakes.

From TODAY, Voices – Friday, 15-May-2009

The day my dad apologised

By Dr James Dobson

Have you ever found the courage to say “I’m sorry” to a child? It’s a tough thing to do and, frankly, my father never was very good at it.

I remember working with him one day in the backyard when I was 15, on a day when he was particularly irritable. He picked on me for everything I did, even when I hurried.

Finally, he yelled at me for something I considered petty, and I just threw down the rake and quit. I walked off, and I walked across our property and down the street while my dad demanded that I come back.

It was one of the few times that I ever took him on like that. I meandered around town for a while wondering what would happen when I got home and ended up at my cousin’s house on the other side of town. After several hours, with knees shaking, I called home. “Stay there,” said my dad, “I’m coming over.”

To say that I was nervous would be a gross understatement. In a short time, dad arrived and asked to see me alone. “Beau,” he began, “I didn’t treat you right this afternoon. I was riding your back for no good reason, and I want you to know I’m sorry.”

It was a difficult moment for him, but he made a friend for life, and taught me something about apologising that would be very useful to me someday as a father.

From TODAY, Voices – Thursday, 14-May-2009

Maimed… but not disabled

The only obstacle to fulfilling our dreams is in our mind. Here is an example of a couple, from two different worlds of a ‘broken dream’, a woman with an arm, and a man with a leg. On their own, they succumbed to their inabilities, but together, they excelled – THEY WON!

Read their story before you their (winning performance) video…

-----

In a Chinese modern dance competition on TV, one very unique couple won one of the top prizes.

The lady, in her 30's, was a dancer who had trained since she was a little girl. Later in life, she lost her entire left arm in an accident and fell into a state of depression for a few years. Someone then asked her to coach a Children's dancing group. From that point on, she realized that she could not forget dancing. She still loved to dance and wanted to dance again. So, she started to do some of her old routines, but having lost her arm, she had also lost her balance. It took a while before she could even make simple turns and spins without falling.

Then she heard of a man in his 20’s who had lost a leg in an accident. He had also fallen into the usual denial, depression, and anger type of emotional roller coaster. But she determined to find him and persuade him to dance with her. He had never danced, and to “Dance with one leg… are you joking with me?” “No way!” But, she didn't give up, and he reluctantly agreed thinking, “I have nothing else to do anyway.”

She started to teach him Dancing 101. The two broke up a few times because he had no concept of using muscle, how to control his body, and knew none of the basic things about dancing. When she became frustrated and lost patience with him, he would walk out. Eventually, they came back together and started training seriously. They hired a choreographer to design routines for them. She would fly high (held by him) with both arms (a sleeve for an arm) flying in the air. He could bend horizontally supported by one leg with her leaning on him, etc. In the competition, as you will see, they danced beautifully and they legitimately won the competition.

-----

Received from a very good friend through the mail… an encouragement… really!

Friday, May 15, 2009

Mothers suffer from perinatal blues, too

This is a repost… the first time I did, it was simply a copy of the clipping, and it doesn't print well. So hopefully, this will be OK now.
-----

PREGNANCY PROBLEMS
They are a 'growing concern', but many women decline treatment

ALICIA WONG, alicia@mediacorp.com.sg

SHE was cranky and constantly craved her husband's attention — but she thought it was because she was pregnant, and those traits would go away in time. After all, this was her fifth pregnancy, and the previous four had gone smoothly.

But after having difficulty breastfeeding her one-week-old baby boy due to an earlier fever, Madam Chong's emotions took a turn for the worse.

"I was disappointed and very frustrated," the 39-year-old housewife shared. This soon escalated into insomnia.

The final straw came when she woke up in near-hysterics one night. "That's when I realised something was not quite right," she said.

Mdm Chong was later diagnosed at the National University Hospital with perinatal anxiety — severe anxiety from pregnancy till the end of the first postnatal year.

"I felt relieved that I wasn't going crazy," she said

Mothers with perinatal anxiety or perinatal depression are a "growing concern", since women today often juggle many responsibilities, said Dr Cornelia Chee, a consultant at NUH's department of psychological medicine.

Biological reasons aside, many women develop depression because of psycho-social factors. It includes juggling the demands of work and baby, marital conflicts, financial reasons, or a lack of support from family members.

Perinatal depression affects 10 to 15 per cent of women worldwide, while 13 per cent of pregnant women and 12 per cent of postnatal women have an anxiety disorder.

Less is known about perinatal anxiety, but a depressed expecting woman could end up having a premature baby or a baby that is born smaller than it should be. A depressed mother is also less likely to bond well with her child.

Common signs of perinatal anxiety would be if the mother was unable to control her worrying, panic attacks ranging from a few times a day to once a year and developing an obsessive-compulsive disorder; in particular, obsessing over the baby's health.

Mothers suffering from perinatal depression tend to experience a more severe form of normal sadness. They do not enjoy things like they used to, are unable to fall asleep even if tired, and encounter excessive guilt. In rare cases, they even entertain fleeting thoughts of suicide.

It is "certainly possible" that women suffering from perinatal depression or anxiety would be put-off from further pregnancies, though evidence is anecdotal so far, said Dr Chee.

Perhaps, due to the stigma associated with mental or emotional health or low awareness of the problem, many mothers are not proactively seeking help, said Dr Chee.

A 2005 study led by Dr Chee found that out of 599 mothers, 68 were diagnosed with a clinically-significant mood disorder before giving birth. Even though the figures halved postnatally, ultimately only three sought help at a healthcare provider or family service centre.

The findings of this study led to the establishment of the NUH Women's Emotional Health Service (WEHS), a free screening programme offered to all pregnant patients. It tests for perinatal depression, with indicators for anxiety as well.

The expecting mothers are screened using a questionnaire four times throughout their pregnancy: Three times during the three trimesters and once after giving birth.

Since the service started last March, the NUH has screened 2,600 patients.

Even then, many declined to see a case manager or psychiatrist when tested positive for depression.

Of those screened, 600 had registered a high positive and 450 a low positive for perinatal depression. However, only 100 of the 1,050 women agreed to see a case manager for counselling or further advice. Of this 100, 30 sought psychiatric help.

Still, it is an improvement from two years ago, where Dr Chee would see just two to three cases a year.

Anxiety treatment includes counselling and sedatives, and depression treatment includes anti-depressant drugs.

While NUH is the first to proactively screen expecting mothers, other hospitals do treat such cases on a referral basis.

Under the NUH programme, nurses are also taught to recognise signs of depression and refer mothers to the doctor.

The idea is to catch depressed mothers early on in their pregnancy, so that the hospital can engage them earlier and plan for the delivery and postnatal care, Dr Chee said.

The WEHS hotline is 6772 2037 or email wehs@nuh.com.sg.

From TODAY, News – Thursday, 29-Jan-2009

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

DEFUSING THE TEENAGE TIMEBOMB

By Dr James Dobson

The mother of a preschooler asked me how she could raise her little girl so as to minimise the chances of adolescent rebellion down the road. She had seen teenagers get into drug abuse and premarital sex and other harmful habits, so she wanted to know if there was anything she could do to set up a more tranquil adolescence.

I told her that when I was a kid, my parents kept me out of trouble with a battalion of rules. They had regulations for every misbehaviour, and so did most other parents. And then the culture reinforced those rules and, somehow, it usually worked out pretty well. But that won’t get the job done today. It’s a different world, and there are just too many opportunities for kids to go wrong. They still need boundaries and limits but something else is required. They need the motivation to do what’s right, and that desire to live responsibly comes principally from a loving relationship by parents who have invested themselves in their children. Parents need to make a concerted effort to build bridges to their kids, starting very early to have fun as a family.

From TODAY, Voices - Wednesday, 13-May-2009

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

THE ADVERSITY PRINCIPLE

By Dr James Dobson

There is, in the world of nature, a phenomenon known as the “Adversity Principle” which means that difficulties and hard times can actually be more beneficial to plants and animals than continual easy living.

As strange as it seems, habitual well-being can be disadvantageous to a species. Think about the big male lion lying in a cage at the zoo. All his needs are met, and his hunting skills are useless.

Meanwhile, the lion roaming free on the plains of Africa, stalking and competing for his next meal, remains fit and strong by the challenges and dangers he faces.

This principle is seen throughout nature, where the necessity to adapt and struggle, if it doesn’t result in death and extinction, tends to produce a tougher species with a better hold on life.

Could it also be that adversity is beneficial to human beings, as well? Within limits, that seems to be the case.

Although we complain and squirm when it comes our way, our first response to trouble is to say, “Why me?” as though some great injustice had befallen us.

Could it be that we and our children need the disappointment, the inconvenience, the stresses, and the discomfort in our lives?

I believe we do, and that character and strength are often the by-products not of pleasure, but of pain.

From TODAY, Voices – Tuesday, 12-May-2009

Monday, May 11, 2009

PROMISE KEEPER

By Dr James Dobson

So many men I meet have such good intentions. That is why they say yes to their wife and children so often. Unfortunately, as plans change and other pressures take priority, those yeses soon become nos. This turns many men into promise breakers.

Are you a promise breaker or keeper? How would your children answer if we asked them that question?

A son asks his father: “Dad, can we go bowling on Saturday?” The father replies: “Sure,” without really thinking. The days pass and then Friday comes and the man’s boss asks if he can come in for a few hours on Saturday. The man says yes.

Saturday morning, his son is waiting for him with his bowling gear ready by the door. “Sorry son, I forgot about bowling. Daddy has to work today. Maybe next week,” says the man. And another promise has been broken.

What the world needs and what your children need are more promise keepers and less promise breakers. Is there a commitment that you have made recently that you have pushed to the back of your mind? It is not too late to redeem that promise.

From TODAY, Voices – Monday, 11-May-2009

Sunday, May 10, 2009

What working mums want

More hubby support to help with stress from the recession

by Lin Yan Qin

05:55 AM May 09, 2009

THE best Mother’s Day present working mothers in Singapore wish for this year? More support from their husbands.

Over eight in 10 women feel they have not been getting enough support from their husbands since the recession kicked in, a survey by the Working Mothers Forum (WMF) has found. In contrast, five in 10 felt this way before the recession began.

More women are also worried about being expected to make work a priority or face limited career prospects, compared to the number who felt this way before the recession began, according to the survey, which polled 100 working mothers last month.

This, they worried, could limit the time they could spend with their children.

Ms Cheryl Liew, vice-chairperson of WMF’s panel of experts, urged women to communicate with their husbands if they felt stretched.

“Guide him or give him specific tips on how he can help,” she said. “Most men want to help their wives out. They just don’t know what to do or where to start.”

Some 68 per cent of the women surveyed feel more flexibility from employers in workplace arrangements would be “the most useful” in helping them cope with the recession.

In addition, 46 per cent feel that employers are in the best position to help them cope with the demands of work and home in a recession.

But working mother Sherie Ng, vice-president of strategy and marketing, Asia Pacific Invensys Process Systems, feels that as long as women continue to bring value to the company, employers would be happy to accommodate the needs of working mothers. Technology like video-conferencing and Blackberrys are resources women can tap to balance work and home, she added.

And pregnant women feeling especially vulnerable to job cuts should discuss with their bosses how to contribute during their pregnancy.

“Remember to ask how you might work with the team, to make the transitions before and after you return from maternity leave easier,” advised Ms Liew.

What was unchanged from the same survey done last year: Mothers still feel guilty for not being able to give their best at home and at work.

This is understandable, said WMF panel expert Geraldine Goh, consultant psychiatrist and clinical director of Child and Family Guidance Clinic at PsyMed Consultants.

“However, remember you are deciding what is best for the family given the circumstances, which in this case, is added income,” she said.

“Working does not compromise the love you have for your child or your ability to be a good mother.”

From TODAY, Home – Weekend, 09/10-May-2009