Sensitivity is the Key

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By Dr James Dobson

If there's one lesson parents need to learn most urgently, it's to guard what they say in the presence of their children.

Many times following speaking engagements, I've been approached by a mother about a problem her child was having. As mum was speaking, I noticed the subject of the conversation standing just behind, his little ears stretched as he listened to a candid description of his faults. I visibly flinch when a parent unintentionally disassembles a child's esteem this way.

It's not just insensitive parents who do this. I once referred a bright nine-year-old boy to a neurologist because of severe learning problems. After giving the boy an examination, the doctor called in his parents, and discussed the details of the boy's brain damage in front of his little patient. It was as if he could not hear those words, or comprehend the insult they carried.

Sensitivity is the key. It means tuning into the thoughts and feelings of our kids, listening to the cues they give us, and reacting appropriately to what we detect. It's a wise adult who understands that self-esteem is the most fragile characteristic in human nature, and once broken, its reconstruction is more difficult than repairing Humpty-Dumpty.

From TODAY, Voices – Wednesday, 08-Jul-2009

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