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By Dr Bill Maier Are you wondering if your 12-month-old is ever going to walk? Babies don’t always develop as quickly as we’d like and parents are natural worrywarts. A good friend of ours recalls watching his 13-month-old boy crawling around the room, while a 10-month-old playmate walked circles around him. At the time, he wondered if something might be wrong with his toddler . Of course, he was worried about nothing. Within a few months, he was running with the rest of his friends. No two babies develop at exactly the same rate, and it has nothing to do with intelligence or maturity. Physical skills are linked directly to brain growth, and brains develop at a pre-determined rate. It’s all written into our genetic make-up. Babies walk and talk when their bodies tell them it’s time. Obviously, nutrition and fitness are important, but beyond that, there’s not much we can do to hurry them along. From TODAY, Voices – Thursday, 07-May-2009

The term “ blended family ” may sound pleasant, but in reality, blending is not as easy as you might think! With today’s high divorce rate , stepfamilies are more common than ever. And that means more parents are raising stepchildren. Making a marriage work can be hard for any couple, but when you throw in the added pressure of step-parenting, it can often turn into a nightmare for everybody. In these situations, couples need to work through their roles and plan beforehand how decisions will be made regarding the children. The stepparent and biological parent should not function in a vacuum ; isolated from each other. A unified front is critical to raising healthy, happy children. For discipline to work, children need to understand that both their parent and their stepparent set the rules — and both have the authority to carry them out. Problems come when couples allow the kids to pit them against each other. From TODAY, Voices – Wednesday, 06-May-2009   ...

By Dr Bill Maier Kids today have more homework than ever. They definitely need some guidelines to help them get through it all. Here are some ideas you might want to try. First, set aside a specific location for homework. A kitchen table can be distracting, especially if it is near a window. If possible, set up a desk that is private and well-lit, away from noise and activity. Make sure your children have all the books and resources they need at their fingertips. Second, help them get organised. Get them a good file, with separate pockets and pages for each class, and teach them to track their assignments on a daily planner. Finally, get them into a regular routine. Doing homework at the same time and place each day eliminates arguments like, “Can’t I do it after dinner?” Sometimes, the best way to solve “homework hassles” is by establishing a few good homework habits. From TODAY, Voices – Tuesday, 05-May-2009

By Dr Bill Maier People who grow up happy and successful often credit their achievements to a supportive family. So how do we develop that kind of encouraging environment in our home? One good way is to quickly acknowledge positive behavior in our kids. When we see them helping someone else we should reward them with praise. You might say to your son, "Thanks for giving your brother a hand with that, John." We should also resist the urge to compare our kids with each other, or with someone else's kids. Never say to your child, "Why can't you be more like your sister," or "You don't see David acting that way." Instead, focus on their effort and their willingness to try. You might say something like "I really appreciate you working so hard to bring your spelling grades up." The key is to actively look for ways that you can be supportive, and to teach your kids to do the same thing. An encouraging household is crucial to raising healthy,...

By Dr James Dobson There is nothing wrong with feeling good about our children's success. But problems can crop up when a kid's performance is driven by parental ego. This can be seen when a child has to keep winning in order to maintain respect and love from his parents. Boys and girls should know that they are accepted simply because of their own unique worth. I am reminded of John McKay, a former football coach at the University of Southern California (USC). I saw him being interviewed on television some years ago when his son, John Jr, was a successful football player on the USC team. The interviewer had asked Coach McKay to comment on the pride that he must have felt over his son's accomplishments. His answer was most impressive. "Yes," he replied. "I'm pleased that John had a good season last year. He does a fine job and I'm proud of him. But I would be just as proud if he had never played the game at all." Coach McKay was saying, in effect...

By Dr James Dobson One of the most poignant songs ever written is Cat's in the Cradle by the late Harry Chapin. The lyrics of that sad song tell the story of a father who has good intentions toward his young son, but is too busy with work. There are always planes to catch and bills to pay. And the father finds himself making excuses. "When are you coming home, Dad?" "I don't know when, but we'll get together then, son. You know we'll have a good time then." Despite the disappointments, the boy loves and admires his father. He repeatedly says: "I'm gonna be like you, Dad. You know I'm gonna be like you." Time passes, and the boy becomes a young man. The father's priorities have changed now. He'd like to visit his grown-up son, but now it's the son's turn to make excuses. "You see, my new job's a hassle, and the kids have the flu. But it's been nice talking to you, Dad. It's been nice talking to you....

By Dr James Dobson The chances are, at least once or twice during your role as a parent, you are going to do or say something that will make your child angry with you. Should he or she be allowed to express that emotion? If a child grows up unable to verbally express his negative emotions toward his or her parent, often he or she will show it in other ways through what psychologists call “passive aggression”. Maybe your child will pout, get bad grades, or even eat too much. Usually children are not aware that these choices are being fuelled by anger. They are simply unconscious ways of expressing accumulated hostility toward parents. So it is important to allow children to ventilate the irritations they have stored inside. On the other hand, I firmly believe that children should be taught to be respectful to their parents. I think it is wise to tell our children that they can say anything to us, including negative things, as long as it is said in a respectful manner. For example...

By Dr James Dobson It’s a good thing to praise children for the praiseworthy things they do. But is there a limit to the compliments we offer them? Praise is essential to a child’s self-esteem and children who grow up without it typically wither like un-watered plants. But too many good words for the wrong reasons can be inflationary in nature. This is called flattery, and the essence of it is that it is unearned. It is what grandma says when she comes for a visit — “Oh, look at my beautiful little girl! You’re getting prettier every day!” Or, “My, what a smart boy you are!” Flattery happens when you heap compliments on a child for something he does not achieve. Praise, however, is a genuine response to good things your child has done. It should be highly specific. “You’ve been a good boy” is too general. Much better is, “I like the way you cleaned your room today!” Or, “I’m proud of the way you studied for that math assignment!” Praise reinforces the child’s constructive ...

By Dr James Dobson I want to talk to parents today about the very important distinction between childish irresponsibility and wilful defiance. Let me explain. Suppose little Chris is acting silly in the living room and falls onto a table, breaking some expensive china cups. Or maybe he loses his books on the way home from school or leaves his bike out in the rain. Now, these are acts of childish irresponsibility, which are inevitable during the early years. Forgetting things, losing things and spilling things do not represent direct challenges to authority, and they should be handled very gently. But when a child stamps her foot and tells her mom or dad to “shut up”, something very different is going on. She’s moved into the realm of willful defiance. It occurs when the child knows what the parent wants, but she clenches her little fists, digs in her heels and prepares for a battle. It is a refusal to accept parental leadership. When this kind of nose-to-nose confrontation occurs, a fi...

By Dr Bill Maier Does your child know how to deal with a bully in school? Children who are bullied want to get the bully to stop — they just don’t always know how. Parents can do a lot to help, but it is important that we do not embarrass our kids or make a habit of working their problems out for them. Begin by talking to your child about the bullying. Help them open up and share their feelings and fears. Make sure they know that the problem is with the bully, not them. The fact is, children who pick on other kids are typically the most insecure, and they are often the most in need of help. Encourage your child to talk to their teacher or principal about what has been going on, and then to report the details back to you. Resist talking to the principal yourself unless you absolutely have to. By teaching our kids how to work through their bully problems instead of doing it for them, we’re empowering them to work through future struggles as well. From TODAY, Voices – Friday, 24-April-200...

By Dr Bill Maier And you thought it was safe to send your children to the playground! Most parents are pretty good about steering their kids away from outdated equipment and rickety monkey bars, but still, children find a way to get hurt. There are a few important guidelines to remember when sending your children to the playground. First, make sure they have adult supervision. If you cannot be there with them, see that someone else is. Second, check the equipment for safety. Toddlers should never be allowed on anything higher than 1.2 metres, and the ground beneath should have plenty of sand — between 8cm to 23cm is the standard. Finally, watch out for peeling paint, sharp edges or exposed bolts — anything that could cause a cut or splinter. Parents assume most playgrounds are safe, but nothing can replace diligence and careful supervision. From TODAY, Voices – Wednesday, 22-April-2009

By Dr Bill Maier Here’s a mystery I’ve never understood – how can a preschooler survive an entire day on one graham cracker and half a banana? Obviously most preschoolers eat more than that but it doesn’t always feel like it. Some kids seem to turn their nose up at everything their parents put in front of them. So what can we do to see that they get the nutrients they need? Begin by making sure their portions are the right size. Pre-schoolers only need about a fourth of an adult’s diet, and parents often overfill their plates. Also, watch their intake of fluids. A lot of young kids will fill up on milk or juice, leaving little room for the foods they need. And make sure any between-meal snacks are healthy ones. Finally, don’t worry too much. Kids tend to eat more than we realise. They’ll hit a growth spurt before you know it and then just try to stop them from eating! From TODAY, Voices - Tuesday, 21-April-2009

By Dr James Dobson We talked last time about the flighty, disorganised children who absolutely refuse to do assigned schoolwork. Let me share some thoughts about that underachieving child. First, these children are not intrinsically inferior to their hard-working siblings. Yes, it would be wonderful if every student used his or her talent to their best advantage, but each child is unique and does not have to fit the same mould. Besides, the low achiever sometimes out-performs the academic superstar in the long run. That was what happened to Albert Einstein and Thomas Edison. So do not write-off that disorganised, apparently lazy child as a lifelong loser. He or she may surprise you. Second, you will never turn an underachieving youngster into a scholar by nagging, pushing, threatening and punishing. If you try to squeeze your child into something he or she is not, you will only aggravate yourself and irritate the child. Third, stay as close as possible to the school. Your child is not ...

FOCUS ON THE FAMILY From TODAY, Voices Wednesday, 28-January-2009 By Dr Bill Maier Sometimes, the best thing we can do for our children is to let them make their decisions on their own. When our children are very young, we parent by controlling what they do. We tell them what to eat, where to go, and what they can and cannot get into. It’s our job to keep them safe and teach them right from wrong. But as children get older, they start to assert more control over their lives – and that’s a good thing. But many parents are so used to making decisions for their children that they try to hang on to that control – sometimes for much longer than they should. As children become teenagers, it’s important to let them think for themselves. They still need parenting, but on a different level. Instead of controlling what they do, our job is to guide and mentor them towards good decisions. If we’ve raised them right, this transition should come about naturally.

FOCUS ON THE FAMILY From TODAY, Voices Friday January 23, 2009 By Dr James Dobson How does a child learn to handle freedom and independence? It takes a calculated effort by his parents. Teaching your child to deal responsibly with independence is like luring him out of a five-storey window with a rope. You do it little by little, hand over hand. If you let the rope out all at once, he may plunge to the ground. I remember a test of my own independence when I was 17 years old. My parents were going on a trip and they left me behind with permission to have some school friends stay over. I behaved responsibly while my folk were gone, but I always wondered why they took that risk. When I asked my mother about it years later, she smiled and said: “Because in one year you would be leaving for university, where you would have complete freedom. I wanted to expose you to that independence while you were still under my influence.” My mother exemplified an important child-rearing principle: She pr...

From TODAY, Voices Friday, 16-January-2009 Drug and Alcohol-free kids... we would want them to be ours. We have our part to play...

From TODAY, Voices Wednesday, 14-January-2009 Just when you think you knew everything about babies, here is one more advice, a tip that will be of much help... read on...