THOSE FIRST FIVE MINUTES

From TODAY, Voices
Friday October 3, 2008

By Dr James Dobson

There’s a book that was published many years ago based on a very simple little principle I never forgot. Its thesis was that the first five minutes occurring between people sets the tone for everything that’s to follow.

For example, a public speaker is given very few moments to convince his audience he really does have something worthwhile to say. If he’s boring or stilted in the beginning, his listeners will turn him off like a light bulb and he’ll never know why.

And if he hopes to use humour during his speech, he’d better say something funny very quickly or his audience won’t believe he can make them laugh. The opportunity of the moment is just lost.

Closer to home, the first five minutes of the morning determines how a mother will interact with her children on that day. A snarl or a complaint as the kids gather for breakfast will sour their relationship for hours.

At the end of the day when a man arrives home from work, the way he greets his wife, or doesn’t greet his wife, will influence their interaction throughout the evening.

A single criticism such as “Not fried rice again!” will put their relationship on the edge from there to bedtime.

Fortunately, whenever we have been apart from those we love, we have a new opportunity to kind of reset the mood. A little sensitivity when coming back together can produce surprising benefits. It all depends on the first five minutes.

OUTSOURCING? Think again...

Outsourcing makes theft of credit-card data easier
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From TODAY, World
Friday October 3, 2008

NEW YORK — The reliance of restaurant chains and retail stores on outside companies to handle credit-card processing and other information-technology functions is partly to blame for a rash of consumer data breaches over the last few years, according to data sleuths.

A chain with thousands of restaurants might have only 100 employees in information technology, so it uses outside vendors for many IT functions, said Mr Bryan Sartin at Verizon Communications, which investigates a quarter to a third of the big, publicly announced data breaches that occur, and hundreds of smaller cases.

“What happens is there’s a lack of accountability on the third party,” said Mr Sartin, director of the investigative response team at Verizon Business.

Organised data-stealing gangs “go to the call centres, the Web development companies, the content development companies, the business partners, the people who pick up the backup tapes”, he said.

“They say… if you hate your boss and you’re in financial straits, we’re your solution. Give us access to your customers. Better yet, give us your data.”

In recent years, restaurant and retail businesses have accounted for more than half of Verizon’s 230 to 250 cases per year, according to a report the company issued yesterday.

It often finds that insiders at service vendors are part of the heists.

In a typical case, Mr Satin’s team was approached by a large oil company in Canada, with thousands of gas stations. Customers were finding spurious charges on their credit cards after using them at the stations. AP

Melamine-tainted or another conspiracy?

This is my thought about the current ww phenomenon.

C used melamine in milk and milk products.
Caused deaths in infants.
Products pulled out from groceries.
A deficit of commodities ensued.
Consumers now examine the source of what they buy.
Consumers buy more of products whose origin is other than C.
The price now increase; the demand is steady, but the supply is weakening.
And this, at the height of the economic disaster in one big country.

IMHO, the melamine scare is not a coincidence at all with the plummeting economy of the other giant country. It's a way to induce the suffering country's economy, with C being the 'fall guy' in this round.

What a way to 'control' the world!

Lessons in life from a dog

From TODAY, Voices
Thursday October 2, 2008

By Dr James Dobson

Someone sent me a poem the other day that I want to share with you. I don’t know who wrote it, because it wasn’t signed, but I enjoyed it and I think you’ll like it, too.

It goes like this:

“If you can start the day without caffeine;
if you can get going without painkiller;
if you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains;
if you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles;
if you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it;
if you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time;
if you can forgive a friend’s lack of consideration;
if you can overlook it when those you love take it out on you when,
through no fault of your own, something goes wrong;
if you can take criticism and blame without resentment;
if you can ignore a friend’s limited education and never correct him;
if you can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor friend;
if you can face the world without lies and deceit;
if you can conquer tension without medical help;
if you can relax without liquor;
if you can sleep without the aid of drugs;
if you can honestly say that deep in your heart you have no prejudice
against creed or colour, religion or politics;
then, my friend, you’re almost as good as your dog.

“Almost, but not quite.”

This poem is dedicated to every dog lover in the world.

Listening skills crucial

From TODAY, Voices
Wednesday October 1, 2008

By Dr James Dobson

Smithsonian magazine once featured a master stone carver from England named Simon Verrity, a man who honed his craft by restoring 13th century cathedrals in Great Britain.

As the authors watched him work, they noticed something very interesting. They wrote: “Verrity listens closely to hear the song of the stone under his careful blows. A solid strike and all is well. A higher-pitched ping and it could mean trouble. A chunk of rock could break off. He constantly adjusts the angle of the chisel and the force of the mallet to the pitch, pausing frequently to run his hand over the freshly-carved surface.”

Verrity understood well the importance of the task. He knew that one wrong move could be devastating, causing irreparable damage to his work of art. His success was rooted in his ability to read the signals his stones were sending out.

In the same way, parents need to hone their skills at listening to their children, especially during times of discipline and guidance. It takes a great deal of patience and sensitivity to discern how the child is responding. If you listen carefully, your boys and girls will tell you what they’re thinking and feeling.

So, whether shaping a child’s character or sculpting in stone, the skills needed are crucial to a successful outcome. The skilful honing by a master carver will create a beautiful work of art.

TILL DEATH DO US PART

From TODAY, Voices
Tuesday September 30, 2008

By Dr James Dobson

When you consider the many pressures that couples face today, nothing short of an ironclad determination is going to hold them together when the hard times come. And the hard times will come, as we all know.

I’m reminded of my friends, Keith and Mary Korstjens, who have been married now for more than 40 years. Shortly after their honeymoon, Mary was stricken with polio and became a quadriplegic.

Nevertheless, Keith never wavered in his commitment to Mary.

Keith could have divorced Mary in 1957 and looked for a new and healthier wife, but he never even considered it. Many of the reasons people give for bailing out on a relationship today are pretty flimsy by comparison.

But remember what the marriage vows say: “For better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, from this day forward till death do us part.”

Keith and Mary Korstjens meant those words when they said them back in 1957. If you choose to marry, I hope you’ll take them just as seriously.

Rocket Dock

Rocket Dock!

This is one new item I heard from a colleague, and true enough, it is one very functional and true software, very close to the Mac version. And it is free. Check it out!

www.rocketdock.com

Very easy to install, and very easy to customize.

JUST THE WAY THEY ARE

From TODAY, Voices
Monday September 29, 2008

By Dr James Dobson

Sometimes even the best of parents have a hard time accepting their children just the way they are.

Parents of a child who is extremely shy, for example, will often ask me how they can pull him out of his shell.

At home he may make profound statements, he may share his observations about life and the nature of the universe, and he may even tell the funniest jokes. But in public his tongue becomes wedged to the side of his cheek and his head drops as if glued to his chest.

Why is Benny so introverted around strangers? It could be because he’s been hurt or rejected in the past. But it’s more likely that he was born that way. No amount of goading or pushing by his parents will make him outgoing, flamboyant or confident. His shyness is just a function of his innate temperament.

My advice to parents of such a child is simply this: give up trying to make him something he cannot be. Go with the flow, accepting him just the way he is made. Then look for those special qualities that give that boy or girl individuality and potential. Nurture him. Cultivate him. And then give him time to come into his own, as a unique personality like no other human being on earth. You, as a parent, will be less frustrated by this acceptance, and I guarantee you, so will junior.

DEALING WITH AN EMPTY NEST

From TODAY, Voices
Friday September 26, 2008

By Dr Bill Maier

We hear a lot about mothers who struggle with depression when kids leave home, but what about dads?

Dads may not always show their emotions as mothers do, but don’t let that tough exterior fool you.

I still remember how choked up my father was when I left for college. And it affected him deeply for weeks.

Few parents look forward to an empty nest and dads are just as prone to grief as mums.

But sadly, for many dads, the reasons can be more painful. Some dads admit that regret is what they most feel.

They were so busy through the years trying to build a career that they did not get to know their kids the way that they had hoped they could. Then, suddenly they realise that it’s too late.

If you still have kids at home, don’t let the years slip away.

Get to know them now, because they’ll be gone in the blink of an eye.

And when that happens, I guarantee you will be sad; just don’t be sad for the wrong reasons.