By Dr James Dobson
Flattery will get you nowhere, we're told. That's not necessarily true in most areas of life, but it's surprisingly accurate when you're dealing with children.
When it comes to children, flattery or inflationary praise is unnecessary, and it'll get you nowhere. When Junior is told over and over that his every move is wonderful, he quickly catches onto your verbal game, and your words lose their meaning. Therefore it's important to distinguish between the concepts of flattery vs. praise.
Flattery is unearned. Flattery occurs when you heap compliments on the child for something general that he or she did not achieve. Praise, on the other hand, is used to reinforce positive, constructive behaviour. It should be highly specific, rather than general.
An honest praise from mothers and fathers is more likely to result in high self-esteem in their children. As parents, we need to be on the lookout for opportunities to offer genuine, well-deserved praise to our children, while avoiding the emptiness of flattery.
From TODAY, Voices – Monday, 14-Sep-2009
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