High-voltage marriages

By Dr James Dobson

If you really want a “high-voltage” marriage that will go the distance, I have a suggestion for you. Which of the following two marriages is likely to enjoy the greatest physical attraction? Is it the couple who spends every waking hour together and focuses almost exclusively on one another? Or is it the man and woman who have other interests, and then after a time of some independence come closer together again as the pendulum swings? Surprisingly, it is the one that varies from time to time.

According to behavioural researchers, the healthiest relationships are the ones that “breathe” – relationships that move from a time of closeness and tenderness to a more distant posture. This ebb and flow sets up another exciting reunion as the cycle continues. This is why it's not always advantageous for a husband and wife to work together or to concentrate exclusively on one another in the absence of friends and colleagues outside the family.

There is just something about the diversity of interests and activities that keeps a couple from consuming one another and burning out the relationship in the short-run. Marriage is, after all, a marathon and not a sprint. We need to develop a regenerating system that will keep us alive for a lifetime.


From TODAY, Voices - Thursday, 27-May-2010
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Saying 'No' to materialism

by Dr James Dobson

I remember a bank advertisement that encouraged people to borrow, asking the question: “What do you need to make you happy?” How foolish, I thought, to believe that a new car, a boat or even a house can bring lasting bliss.

Materialism is a disease that infects the human family — and it’s not a problem only in affluent cultures. Author and financial counsellor Ron Blue tells of visiting a small, rural village in Africa. Ron asked a villager what was the biggest problem facing his community. The man said: “Materialism.”

Ron was taken aback. He expected it to be the lack of food or medical help, or perhaps problems with neighbouring villages. But materialism? These villagers didn’t have televisions or cars or cable TV — the sorts of things we associate with “the good life”.

But this villager told Ron: “If a man has a mud hut, he wants one made out of cow manure. If he has a cow manure hut, he wants a stone hut. If he has a thatched roof, he wants a tin roof. If he has one acre, he wants two. Materialism is a disease of the heart, it has nothing to do with where you live.”

That’s probably the simplest and best explanation of materialism I’ve heard. And it might hit pretty close to where you live. Take a good hard look at the loved ones in your life — and then tell me where your real priorities are.


From TODAY, Voices - Wednesday, 26-May-2010
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Blue fingers

By Dr James Dobson

I was walking toward my car outside a shopping centre a few weeks ago when I heard a loud and impassioned howl.

I spotted a man about 15 metres away who was in great distress. His fingers were caught in the car door, which had obviously been slammed unexpectedly. Crouching in the front seat was an impish little three-year-old boy who had apparently decided to close the door on dad. The father was pointing frantically at his fingers with his free hand and saying: “Oh, oh, open the door, Chuckie!” Chuckie finally got the message and unlocked the door, releasing dad’s blue fingers. The father then hopped and jumped around the parking lot muttering things that a child should never be allowed to hear.

Now, I know this incident was painful for the man, but I must admit, it struck my funny bone. I suppose his plight symbolises the enormous cost of parenthood.

If you find yourself stressed out by your kids today, who don’t seem to appreciate the sacrifices you’ve made on their behalf, I hope you’ll remember the brevity of the developmental years. If you hang tough now, you’ll have the rest of your life to enjoy the sweet benefits of a job well done.


From TODAY, Voices - Tuesday, 25-May-2010
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Priceless memories

By Dr James Dobson

I’ve always thought that kids were funny. I’m reminded, of Ann Ortland’s 11-year-old son, Nels, whom she described in her book, Disciplines of a Beautiful Woman. She had taken this rambunctious boy to their paediatrician for a routine physical examination. Before seeing the doctor, however, the nurse attempted to obtain a medical history.

“Tell me, Mrs Ortlund,” said the nurse, “how’s he sleeping?”

Nels answered on his own behalf, and he said: “I sleep very well.”

The nurse wrote that down.

“Mrs Ortlund, how are his bowels?” said the nurse.

The boy responded:, “Oh, they’re good — A, E, I, O, U.”

I encourage you to take the time to record the memorable moments you experience with your children. If you don’t have time to take elaborate notes or don’t have access to a video camera, keep a diary, record an audio clip, and by all means maintain a photo album.

Having lived to see my children grow up and leave the nest, I can tell you that the effort you invest in preserving their early childhood experiences will pay big dividends as the years unfold and time blurs the memories.


From TODAY, Voices - Monday, 24-May-2010
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