Mi Choza De Nipa

By Dr James Dobson I want to talk to parents today about the very important distinction between childish irresponsibility and wilful defiance. Let me explain. Suppose little Chris is acting silly in the living room and falls onto a table, breaking some expensive china cups. Or maybe he loses his books on the way home from school or leaves his bike out in the rain. Now, these are acts of childish irresponsibility, which are inevitable during the early years. Forgetting things, losing things and spilling things do not represent direct challenges to authority, and they should be handled very gently. But when a child stamps her foot and tells her mom or dad to “shut up”, something very different is going on. She’s moved into the realm of willful defiance. It occurs when the child knows what the parent wants, but she clenches her little fists, digs in her heels and prepares for a battle. It is a refusal to accept parental leadership. When this kind of nose-to-nose confrontation occurs, a fi...

From FOCUS ON THE FAMILY Today • Monday • June 16, 2008 By Dr Bill Maier Hey parents, if you’re still trying to “argue” your kids into minding, maybe it’s time to try a little “reality discipline”. “Reality discipline” was coined by Dr Kevin Lehman, and it’s all about shifting the responsibility for bad behaviour onto your kids, where it belongs. For instance, let’s say you can’t get your kids to keep their rooms clean. The solution is to clearly write out what’s expected of them in the form of a contract. The contract could go something like this: “Johnny will clean his room to Mum’s expectations before lunch every Saturday. If he fails to do so, he won’t be able to go out with friends for the following week.” You could also add an addendum that Mum will clean Johnny’s room and deduct a certain amount from his allowance. All parties should then sign the contract. What this does is hold Johnny responsible for his actions, and removes the need for argument. When kids know what’s expecte...