Build the fire of your relationship

From TODAY, Voices
Tuesday, 17-March-2009

By Dr James Dobson


Jack London, in his wonderful short story entitled To Build a Fire, tells of a man caught in a freezing blizzard. The temperature dropped to minus 24°C, and he tried to build a fire to save his life. He had only three matchsticks, and the first two were snuffed out by the wind. His life depended on that one remaining matchstick.

He managed to get a little fire going as he cupped his hands, and he held his breath. Just as it looked like he would succeed, some snow fell from a limb overhead and snuffed out the flame. The man was doomed to freeze to death.

You know, there’s a lesson in this story that applies to romantic relationships. Nothing will snuff out the flickering flame of love more quickly than hovering too close and trying too hard to make it burn. The bonding between two people occurs best in an atmosphere of confidence and freedom. Those who reveal their insecurities and attempt to force themselves on their lovers are putting everything on the line.

That’s like tossing snow on a tiny fire. How can you turn it into a roaring furnace? By giving it plenty of oxygen and trusting the combustion of the fuel. Love, you see, must be confident; it must be free; and it must be voluntary.