From TODAY, Voices
Tuesday September 16, 2008
By Dr James Dobson
Most human conflict results from differing assumptions by the two parties. When husbands and wives engage one another in angry combat they often feel hurt, rejected, insulted and assaulted by the other person. But when these battles are analysed objectively, we often see that neither side really meant to wound the other. The pain resulted, not from intentional infliction of emotional harm, but from the natural consequences of differing assumptions.
For example, a man might assumes that Saturday is his day to golf or watch a game on television because he worked his fingers to the bone all week and he deserves a day off – and who could blame him? But his wife might justifiably assume he would take the children off her hands for a few hours because she’d been wiping runny noses and changing diapers all week long. She deserved a break today and she expected him to give it to her – again, a pretty reasonable assumption. It’s when these unique perspectives collide, about 8 am on a Saturday morning, that the sparks fly.
How can we avoid the stresses of differing assumptions at home? Well, by making sure that our partners get no unpleasant surprises. We can cope with anything if we see it coming in time.
Tuesday September 16, 2008
By Dr James Dobson
Most human conflict results from differing assumptions by the two parties. When husbands and wives engage one another in angry combat they often feel hurt, rejected, insulted and assaulted by the other person. But when these battles are analysed objectively, we often see that neither side really meant to wound the other. The pain resulted, not from intentional infliction of emotional harm, but from the natural consequences of differing assumptions.
For example, a man might assumes that Saturday is his day to golf or watch a game on television because he worked his fingers to the bone all week and he deserves a day off – and who could blame him? But his wife might justifiably assume he would take the children off her hands for a few hours because she’d been wiping runny noses and changing diapers all week long. She deserved a break today and she expected him to give it to her – again, a pretty reasonable assumption. It’s when these unique perspectives collide, about 8 am on a Saturday morning, that the sparks fly.
How can we avoid the stresses of differing assumptions at home? Well, by making sure that our partners get no unpleasant surprises. We can cope with anything if we see it coming in time.
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