Crossing The Barbed Wire

From FOCUS ON THE FAMILY, Today, 03-Apr-2008 edition

 

CROSSING THE BARBWIRE FENCE

By Dr James Dobson

 

Isn’t it strange how when we’re disturbed over some

family problem, we sometimes choose the most obscure

or roundabout ways of saying so?

 

Instead of getting our feelings out in the open, we stall.

We either resort to silent hostility or lapse into a pity party.

 

I saw a good cartoon recently that showed a double bed

on which the wife had nailed vertical two-by-fours to both

the headboard and the footboard right down the middle,

and then strung barbwire from one end to the other.

She was depicted on her side of the bed with a scowl on

her face, arms folded, while her rather perplexed husband

was saying, “Uh… apparently I’ve done something to upset you.”

 

There are better ways to get the message across. When an

issue needs discussing, when the line of respect has been violated,

we need to resist the temptation to pout, sulk or sink into days of

silence. This only prolongs the conflict and intensifies the pain.

 

I’ve found that writing down one’s feelings on paper is a good way

to break the log jam and get the hurt partners talking again.

The words can be carefully chosen and mixed with a little

compassion. Like the man on the wrong side of the barbed wire,

you might begin such a note with the phrase, “Apparently I’ve

done something to upset you.”