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From FOCUS ON THE FAMILY , Today , 08-May-2008 edition   Give Your Marriage A Tune-Up By Dr Bill Maier   When was the last time you gave your marriage a “tune up”?   You wouldn’t let your car go for years without checking under the hood , so why not give your marriage the same attention?   Couples need regular periods to sit down and clear the air. This is a good time to talk about the decisions you need to make , as well as the ones that you’ve already made. Also , make sure you don’t have any unfinished business between the two of you.   Ask your spouse if anything is weighing them down. Maybe they’re worried about the kids or a project at work. They may be feeling lonely and need a bit of time to cuddle and reconnect.   This is also a good time to compare calendars and do some advanced planning for the future , like scheduling date nights , vacations and we...

From FOCUS ON THE FAMILY , Today , 07-May-2008 edition   Forgiveness is a Choice By Dr Bill Maier   What do you do when someone says they’re sorry?   The same thing you do even if they don’t. You forgive them.   Forgiveness isn’t about the other person; it is about you. Holding a grudge only holds us hostage to the wrongs of others.   Forgiveness is a choice , not a feeling. Few people feel like Forgiving when someone has hurt them , but dwelling on it only makes things worse.   The first step in moving forward is to decide to forgive — even if the offending party has not acknowledged their wrongdoing.   And forgiveness doesn’t mean you forget the transgression. You just decide to no longer hold it against the other party.   You give up the right to nurse a grudge , or to use the episode against the offender.   So when someone says they’...

From FOCUS ON THE FAMILY, Today, 06-May-2008 edition   Raising Young Peacemakers By Dr Bill Maier   “Sally, stop hitting your brother! Billy, quit pulling Susie’s hair!”   Sounds familiar? Maybe it’s time for a crash course in conflict management.   There’s a lot we can do as parents to help kids resolve arguments before they get out of hand – that is if they don’t kill each other first!   Here are three key principles for raising young peacemakers.   First, teach them that most conflicts are caused by self-centredness. When two people want their own way, an argument is inevitable.   The key to getting along begins in the heart, by putting the feelings of others ahead of our own.   Second, explain that not all disagreements are bad. Conflict can be an opportunity for growth. It helps us learn how to compromise and solve problems through negotiatio...

From FOCUS ON THE FAMILY, Today, 05-May-2008 edition   Explaining to Kids the Birds and the Bees By Dr Bill Maier   “Mommy, where do babies come from?”   If your toddler has not asked that question yet – get ready!   Too often parents avoid these tough questions about the birds and the bees, and their kids grow up confused.   Many learn about sex from anyone else but their parents. The slang and obscenities they hear on the playground become their first real glimpse into the subject, and most of what they learn is either inaccurate or unhealthy.   The best place for children to learn about their sexuality is at home, from those who care about their future relationships, as well as their moral fibre.   The best time to approach the subject is while they are still young and curious.   “The talk” doesn’t have to be graphic or uncomfortable, just honest...

From FOCUS ON THE FAMILY, Today, 01-May-2008 edition   Raising Teens: Save Your Energy For Crucial Confrontations By Dr James Dobson   One of the most delicate aspects of raising a teenager is figuring out what’s worth a showdown and what isn’t.   I remember talking to a waitress, a single mother, in a restaurant a few years ago. When she found out I was a psychologist, she began telling me about her 12-year-old daughter. “We’ve fought tooth and nail for an entire year,” she said. “It’s been awful! We go at it every night – usually over the same issue.” “What’s that?” I asked. “Well, she’s still a little girl, but she wants to shave her legs. And I feel she’s too young, but she gets so angry, she won’t even talk to me.”   I looked her in the eye and said, “Go buy your daughter a shaver.” That 12-yearol...

From FOCUS ON THE FAMILY , Today , 01-May-2008 edition   Teens and Peer Pressure By Dr James Dobson   I once watched a documentary showing how Indian elephants are trained to serve their human masters , and I was struck by the similarity between these beautiful creatures and our fragile teenagers.   Shortly after an elephant has been captured , it begins its training process with three days of total isolation. At the peak of the elephants’ vulnerability , they are brought to a night-time ceremony of fire where they are screamed at and intimidated for hours. By morning , the half-crazed elephants have yielded; their wills have been broken.   Pachyderms are remarkably social animals and they react to loneliness in the same way humans do – they grieve , fret and long for their peers.   We humans also have a great need for love and acceptance , especially during our adolescent years. And ...

From FOCUS ON THE FAMILY, Today, 30-Apr-2008 edition   The Tumultuous Teen Years By Dr James Dobson   The most helpful advice for parents of teenagers may be remarkably simple to implement. To parents whose sons and daughters are going through the period of rebellion and experimentation, the most constructive recommendation is: Just get them through it. This advice may not be profound, but there’s good common sense behind it.   During those days of adolescent turmoil along the river of life, parents often fear that the canoe in which their son or daughter is riding will capsize. Indeed, if the rapids don’t get them, they’ll surely drown when they plunge over the falls downstream.   Fortunately, however, the river doesn’t usually descend into the falls. In time, it typically becomes smooth again, as the teen years give way to the early twenties. There are exceptions, of course, but for most ...