A different view of our parents

By Dr James Dobson

I’m more convinced every day that a great portion of our adult effort is invested in the quest for that which was unreachable in childhood. The more painful the early void, the more we’re motivated to fill it later in life.

A friend named Diane had a father who never met her needs for love and attention and belonging. Even today, he seems oblivious to the pain he has caused her. Diane used to find herself constantly feeling disappointed, hurt and rejected each time he failed to come through. But then she learned accidentally that he had been severely abused as a child. His own father and mother had died when he was a boy and the aunt who raised him was so severe, she even forbade him to cry.

Diane suddenly saw her dad in a different light. He was not just a rejecting father, he was a man with an emotional handicap. Her experience is not unique.

Loved ones who continually frustrate and disappoint us are often reacting to wounds from their own formative years. If we can react compassionately instead of expecting them to be what they can’t, we can transform our families from battlegrounds into places of harmony.

From TODAY, News – Wednesday, 10-Jun-2009; see the source article here.

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