Tuesday, March 04, 2008

A Woman's Emotion

By Dennis and Barbara Rainey


                               A WOMAN’S EMOTIONS


        There is this maddening part of being a man. When Barbara comes to

me with a problem, my mind immediately shifts into a “fix it” mode. I

wanted to solve the problem, you know, get to the bottom line! But, often,

the most important thing our wives need is to know we hear them and we

care. The other day Barbara came to me discouraged because our lives had

been incredibly busy, and she hadn’t been at home as much as she wanted.

She was so busy going to ministry, church, school activities and driving

kids to different functions that she hadn’t been able to clean the house.


        And guess how I handled it? First I took it personally. I said,

“Well, I help around the house a lot. But she wasn’t accusing me of not

helping -- she was just sharing a burden she felt.”


       Then, typically, I came up with a solution. That night, I declared,

the entire family would participate in a “Clean Up the House” campaign.

And once again I missed the real issue -- how she felt. It took a few moments

for me to just listen and understand her.


       So I dug myself out of the hole I’d fallen into and told Barbara I

was sorry I had missed her clues, that I didn’t hear what she needed. I

began to move toward her with understanding and compassion she needed in

the first place.


       Want some advice? When your wife approaches you with a problem,

repeat back to her what you think she said and ask her to confirm it. For

example, I could have said to Barbara, “It sounds to me like you’re

discouraged because you feel like you’ve been busy. And the kids and I

have allowed the house to get to where it looks like a small volcano

has gone off. Is that right?”


       Believe it or not, men, often that’s all a wife needs -- an

understanding husband. Resist the urge to fix it immediately.


        Ask your wife if this is what she really needs in the above



        Pray that God will give you the ability to live with your wife in

an “understanding way.” Ask Him to help you communicate this

to your wife.


       The Scripture says, “You husbands likewise, live with your

wives in an understanding way.” (1 Peter 3:7)

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