Take time out for yourself

By Dr James Dobson

Imagine the agony a single parent goes through when required by court order to put his or her children on an airplane, all alone, for an extended visitation with the other parent.

A single mum described her feelings like this. She said: “I stand in the terminal and watch the children’s airplane disappear into the clouds. The loneliness immediately set in. I worry constantly about their safety, but I resist the urge to call every hour to see how they are doing. And when they do call me to tell me how much fun they are having, I grieve over the fact that they are living a life completely separate from my own. My only consolation is knowing that they will be coming home soon. But I am haunted by the fear that they won’t want to come home with me.”

For the single parent who identifies with this hurting mother, there may be a way to get through the painful days of waiting. Instead of seeing this time alone as a period of isolation, view it as an opportunity to recharge and reinvigorate the spirit. Spend some uninterrupted time with friends, read an inspirational book or return to a hobby that you have set aside. Fill your day with things that are impossible amid the responsibilities of child care, recognising that your children will benefit from your rehabilitation. They will return to a re-energised parent, instead of one coming off six weeks of depression.

From TODAY, Voices
Thursday, 02-April-2009

PARENTS AND GUILT

By Dr James Dobson


Coping with strong-willed children is difficult, but some parents find that the hardest part is dealing with their own doubt.

It is not unusual for parents of strong-willed children to struggle with feelings of guilt and self-doubt over the constant tug-of-war in their homes. Unfortunately, too many parents have been told by “experts” that managing children should be a piece of cake for those who do it right. That leaves them with intense self-condemnation when things do not work out so smoothly.

But the difference between life as it is and life as it ought to be becomes a distressing bit of reality. If you are facing this kind of tension in your life, then let me give you three assurances. Firstly, it is not entirely your fault. Secondly, it will not always be so difficult. And lastly, you are probably doing a much better job than you think.

Statistics show that most strong-willed children later become tenacious, respectable, hard-working adults, who cannot believe some of the things they used to do. You may even see the day when your formerly defiant offspring comes to you for advice, worn out from the tug-of-war with his or her very own strong-willed child. That is the ultimate satisfaction for the conscientious parent who struggled through the rebellious years.

From TODAY, Voices
Wednesday, 01-April-2009

The signs are under your nose

By Dr James Dobson

Author Linda Weber tells about a big dinner party she had planned. She had stretched the dining-room table to its fullest length, setting all the leaves in place before hurrying on to other preparations.

Before long, she heard a crash; there in the dining room lay the table, broken in half under the weight of the extra leaves. In her haste, Linda forgot to add the fifth leg needed to support the centre.

Had she taken a moment to think about what she was doing, she would have seen that the table was sagging, but she was just too busy.

Linda applied this illustration to the raising of children. “Parents today,” she said, “are more over-committed and distracted than ever before.” That breathless pace makes it difficult to monitor signs of trouble in our kids.

They are often right under our noses, but who has time to see them? Then suddenly, a collapse occurs. A drug addiction pops up or a kid gets kicked out of school, or an illness finally comes to light.

Is your “table” sagging at home? Maybe you should take time to examine the stress points in your family. You might be able to provide the support that will keep the entire structure from crashing down.

From TODAY, Voices
Tuesday, 31-March-2009

Loving your child is just half the task

By Dr James Dobson

When a child is convinced that he is greatly loved and respected by his parents, he is inclined to accept his own worth as a person.

However, I’ve observed that many children know they are loved by their parents, but they have reason to believe that they are not respected by them.

These seemingly contradictory attitudes are not uncommon in human relationships.

It’s very easy to convey love and disrespect at the same time.

You are tense and nervous when a child starts to speak; you interrupt and answer questions for him; you lecture her before she goes off to spend a weekend at someone else’s house.

These are signals that you don’t trust that boy or girl with their image.

Loving your child is only half the task of building self-esteem.

The element of respect must be added if you are to counterbalance the insults that society will throw at him or her.

From TODAY, Voices
Monday, 30-March-2009