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From FOCUS ON THE FAMILY VOICES Friday July 11 2008 TODAY   BY Dr James Dobson   Many years ago, I saw a TV documentary that I’ve never forgotten. It focused on the life of an elderly woman named Elizabeth Holt Hartford, who lived alone in a Los Angeles slum.   These were her parting words, which were aired after her death a few weeks later.   She said: “You see me as an old lady who’s all broken down with age, but what you don’t understand is that this is me in here. I’m trapped in a body that no longer serves me. It hurts, is wrinkled and diseased, but I haven’t changed. I’m still the person I used to be when this body was young.”   Those who are younger may find it difficult to appreciate the full implications of being part of the “unwanted” generation, to be aged in a time dominated by the young, to be unable to see or hear well enough, to have an activ...

From FOCUS ON THE FAMILY VOICES Thursday July 10 2008 TODAY   By Dr James Dobson   Who are you when no one else is looking? When the curtains are drawn and the lights go dim? Are you and I the people everyone thinks we are?   The classic children’s book The Velveteen Rabbit holds within its pages a powerful message about being real. In one scene, we eavesdrop on a dialogue between a new toy rabbit and an old horse. They’re lying side-by-side in the nursery as the rabbit asks the horse what it means to be real. “Well, it doesn’t happen all at once,” said the horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t often happen to people who break easily or have sharp edges or have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you’re real, most of your hair has fallen off and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But you see, these things don’t matter ...

A late post, too… From FOCUS ON THE FAMILY VOICES 26 Wednesday July 9 2008 TODAY   By Dr James Dobson   Most of us have become acquainted with the term “friendly fire”, where soldiers are inadvertently killed or wounded by their own troops. This phenomenon doesn’t just occur on the battlefield; it happens at home.   In the frazzled and harried society in which we live, home should be a refuge; a safe harbour where we can escape attacks and insults from the outside world.   But too often, home is a combat zone for embattled siblings. Those who are supposed to be allies and partners can be hostile at times, creating friction, animosity and defensiveness.   I remember a time years ago when my kids were young, and they were fighting and harassing each other like enemy soldiers. In exasperation, I stood them in front of a window and I said: “Look out at that world. It can be a dangerous place. Th...

A late post… From FOCUS ON THE FAMILY VOICES 22 Tuesday July 8 2008 TODAY   By Dr James Dobson   It’s not the fights that should worry us, but it’s what happens when the fights are over. Almost all marital partners experience conflict from time to time, and these minor confrontations can actually be healthy to the relationship. A verbal spat, within reasonable limits, can open windows and give the couple a chance to vent frustrations. The important question, however, is what happens after the fight.   In healthy relationships, a period of confrontation ends in forgiveness, drawing together, deeper respect and understanding and sometimes, sexual satisfaction. But, in unstable marriages, conflict is never entirely resolved. This is a dangerous situation where the consequences of one battle begin to overlap with a prelude to the next. Obviously we’d like to avoid this outcome.   It’s a good idea for cou...

From FOCUS ON THE FAMILY TODAY Monday July 7 2008   By Dr James Dobson   Many women these days express a sense of anxiety about dealing with their own sons.   A friend of mine, Ms Jean Lush, has written a wonderful book on the subject called, Mothers and Sons .   She says that mothers should realise that it’s normal for little boys to be difficult – even extremely difficult.   Emerging masculinity can be a boisterous and destructive force.   Mothers should learn to anticipate their sons’ energy level, and look for ways to channel that force into exercise and constructive activity.   Also, when we look at little boys, let’s keep in mind that they aren’t grown up yet.   History shows that many great men began as baffling, headstrong boys who gave their parents headaches.   The challenge for mothers is to see sons not just in terms of their present behaviour,...