THE LOSS OF A CHILD

From TODAY, Voices
Friday August 22, 2008

By Dr James Dobson

There’s a classic poem by Eugene Field called Little Boy Blue that my father used to quote to me when I was a child. Perhaps reading parts of that poem today will bring some measure of comfort to those parents who have lost a boy or girl in recent years; and it may remind others of us how precious those little lives are.

It goes like this:

“
The little toy dog is covered with dust,
but sturdy and staunch she stands.
And the little toy soldier is red with rust,
and his musket moulds in his hands.

Time was when the little toy dog was new
and the soldier was passing fair.
And that was the time that our little boy blue
kissed them and put them there.

‘Now don’t you go ‘til I come,’ he said,
‘and don’t you make any noise.’
So toddling off to his trundle bed,
he dreamt of the pretty toys.

And as he was dreaming, an angel’s song
awakened our little boy blue.
Well, the years are many and the years are long,
but the little toy friends are true.

Aye, faithful to little boy blue they stand,
each in the same old place;
awaiting the touch of a little hand
and a smile of a little face.

And they wonder as waiting the long years through
in the dust of that little chair,
‘What has become of our little boy blue?”,
since he kissed them and put them there.
”

There are some things that cannot be broken or taken away from us, and those are the memories of a child and the times that we spent together.

Offer advice with love, respect

From TODAY, Voices
Thursday August 21, 2008

By Dr James Dobson

When you want to offer advice to a person about a flaw or a shortcoming in his or her character, it’s best to do it the way porcupines make love: very, very carefully.

It’s often difficult to open the eyes of friends or relatives to their own blind spots. It’s even more risky to discuss a mistake in the way parenting responsibilities are being handled. You’re liable to get your ears pinned back, even when your motives are honourable and you have the other person’s interest at heart. Let me offer a suggestion that may be helpful in handling this delicate assignment. The right to criticise must be earned, even if the advice is constructive and desperately needed. Before you’re entitled to meddle with another person’s self-esteem, you must first demonstrate your respect for him as a person. You have to invest some time and effort in his life in an atmosphere of love and kindness, and human warmth.

When a relationship of confidence has been carefully constructed, you’ll have then earned the right to discuss a potentially threatening topic. Once motives have been clarified, you can then feed your suggestions and criticism in very small doses. But as you do it, it’s wise to keep one other thing in mind: someone, somewhere, would like to straighten out a few of your flaws too.

KEEPING THE PEACE AT HOME

From TODAY, Voices
Wednesday August 20, 2008

By Dr James Dobson

Sibling rivalry was responsible for the first murder on record when Cain killed Abel. And it’s been going on at a furious pace ever since. While conflicts among siblings occur in every family, it is possible to lessen the antagonism and create a more friendly atmosphere at home.

The key is for parents to enforce a reasonable set of boundaries among warring factions. Fences make good neighbours. Law and order help people get along with one another. If the man next door and I lived in a rural village where there are no policemen, courts or city ordinances, we would be more likely to have conflicts in that lawless environment then in a society where the laws are enforced.

And so it is with children in a family. When the older child can make life miserable for the younger one, or when the younger one can break up the toys and mess up the things of his big brother or sister, then hatred is a natural outgrowth of that lawless environment they live in.

I strongly recommend that parents set reasonable rules for harmonious living at home, and then enforce those rules with the full weight of their authority. Only then can children live peacefully together.

ENGAGED? GO FOR COUNSELLING

From TODAY, Voices
Tuesday August 19, 2008

By Dr James Dobson

The key to a healthy marriage is to keep your eyes wide open before you wed, and half-closed thereafter.

Part of the problem nowadays is the tendency for young men and women to marry virtual strangers.

A typical couple talks for countless hours before the courtship period and they believe they know each other. But a dating relationship is designed to conceal information, not reveal it. Consequently, the bride and the groom enter into marriage with different opinions on how life will be lived after the wedding and the stage is set for major problems.

For this reason I strongly believe that an engaged couple should participate in at least six to 10 sessions with a competent marriage counsellor in order to identify the assumptions that each partner holds and to work through areas of potential conflict.

Through this process, some couples discover that they have major problems that have not surfaced until then and they agree to either postpone or call off the wedding. Others work through their conflicts and proceed toward marriage with increased confidence.

Premarital counselling is the key. If the tragedy of divorce could be reduced by even 5 per cent, it would certainly be worth the effort.

WHAT MONEY is WORTH

From TODAY, Voices
Monday August 18, 2008

By Dr James Dobson

Do teenagers understand these days just what a dollar is worth? Well, you watch them at the mall, and sometimes you wonder.

One way to educate a child fairly fast is to give him enough cash for a particular need and then stand back and let him manage it – whatever the consequences.

I knew a doctor with four daughters who decided to give each one an annual clothing allowance starting at the age of twelve. The girls had to budget the money throughout the year for everything they needed.

The last child, in fact, celebrated her 12th birthday by busting her budget on an expensive sweater. Well, by the following spring, she was down to shredded socks and frayed dresses. It was difficult for her parents not to intervene. But they had the courage to stand back and let her learn a valuable lesson about money management.

Another parent I knew got his 15-year old son to help work out the family’s income taxes for one year. When the boy got a look at the hidden costs of running a household these days – things like mortgage interest and insurance premiums and car payments – his eyes bulged. He had no idea that it took that much money to exist before you could even start having fun.

Anything in abundant supply becomes rather valueless. The sooner children learn that there’s no such thing in life as having it all, the better.

Secrets To Staying Married

From TODAY, Voices
Friday August 15, 2008

By Dr Bill Maier

There’s no such thing as a perfect marriage, but that doesn’t mean your marriage can’t be fulfilling and happy.

Building a strong marriage takes hard work and commitment. It takes two people who are willing to say to each other: “I know that tough times will come, but I promise to stay with you, no matter what.”

When life gets hard, even the best marriages are tested. And the ones that survive are those where each party made a conscious decision to stay the course.

In fact, couples who persevere through trials almost always come out stronger than ever.

Take time to remind your spouse how committed you are to your marriage.

Use special occasions, like anniversaries, holidays, or other family events to focus on what’s important, and renew your love and devotion – both to your mate and your children.

Remind your spouse often, and see if it doesn’t strengthen your relationship.

And remember, strong marriages are built on loyalty, and loyalty is a decision, not a personality trait.