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From FOCUS ON THE FAMILY, Today, 01-May-2008 edition   Raising Teens: Save Your Energy For Crucial Confrontations By Dr James Dobson   One of the most delicate aspects of raising a teenager is figuring out what’s worth a showdown and what isn’t.   I remember talking to a waitress, a single mother, in a restaurant a few years ago. When she found out I was a psychologist, she began telling me about her 12-year-old daughter. “We’ve fought tooth and nail for an entire year,” she said. “It’s been awful! We go at it every night – usually over the same issue.” “What’s that?” I asked. “Well, she’s still a little girl, but she wants to shave her legs. And I feel she’s too young, but she gets so angry, she won’t even talk to me.”   I looked her in the eye and said, “Go buy your daughter a shaver.” That 12-yearol...

From FOCUS ON THE FAMILY , Today , 01-May-2008 edition   Teens and Peer Pressure By Dr James Dobson   I once watched a documentary showing how Indian elephants are trained to serve their human masters , and I was struck by the similarity between these beautiful creatures and our fragile teenagers.   Shortly after an elephant has been captured , it begins its training process with three days of total isolation. At the peak of the elephants’ vulnerability , they are brought to a night-time ceremony of fire where they are screamed at and intimidated for hours. By morning , the half-crazed elephants have yielded; their wills have been broken.   Pachyderms are remarkably social animals and they react to loneliness in the same way humans do – they grieve , fret and long for their peers.   We humans also have a great need for love and acceptance , especially during our adolescent years. And ...

From FOCUS ON THE FAMILY, Today, 30-Apr-2008 edition   The Tumultuous Teen Years By Dr James Dobson   The most helpful advice for parents of teenagers may be remarkably simple to implement. To parents whose sons and daughters are going through the period of rebellion and experimentation, the most constructive recommendation is: Just get them through it. This advice may not be profound, but there’s good common sense behind it.   During those days of adolescent turmoil along the river of life, parents often fear that the canoe in which their son or daughter is riding will capsize. Indeed, if the rapids don’t get them, they’ll surely drown when they plunge over the falls downstream.   Fortunately, however, the river doesn’t usually descend into the falls. In time, it typically becomes smooth again, as the teen years give way to the early twenties. There are exceptions, of course, but for most ...

From FOCUS ON THE FAMILY, Today, 29-Apr-2008 edition   WORDS OF KINDNESS By Dr James Dobson   I remember sitting in my car at a fastfood restaurant eating a hamburger and french fries. When I looked in the rearview mirror, I saw the most pitiful, scrawny little kitten on a ledge behind my car. I was so touched by how hungry it looked that I got out, tore off a piece of my hamburger and tossed it to him.   But before the kitten could reach it, a huge tomcat sprang out of the bushes, grabbed the morsel and gobbled it down. I felt even more sorry for the kitten who turned back and ran into the shadows, still hungry and frightened.   I was immediately reminded of my years as a secondary school teacher. I saw teenagers every day who were just as needy, deprived and lost as that little kitten. It wasn’t food that they required, it was love, attention and respect – and they were desperate for it. And just whe...

From FOCUS ON THE FAMILY, Today, 28-Apr-2008 edition   Forgiveness By Dr James Dobson   Forgive and forget — it’s a lot easier to say than to do. When our spouses do something to wound us deeply, can we ever truly forgive them? And if we do forgive them, can we ever forget the pain they’ve caused us?   I read an almost unbelievable newspaper article the other day about a married couple both in their late 70s. The wife, who was wheelchair-bound, was charged for badly beating her husband in the head with her bedpan.   And the reason she gave? She said she had committed adultery in the 1940’s in the earliest years of their marriage.   She testified that her husband had constantly taunted her about her indiscretion until some 50 years later, she could take it no longer.   Maybe her husband had told her at one time that he forgave her and that he didn’t want to leave her, b...