Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Bonding in Marriage

William-Adolphe Bouguereau  The ProposalImage via Wikipedia

By Dr James Dobson

In marriage as in courtship, there's a simple rule of thumb for intimacy: Take your time. Some interesting research has been done recently on the emotional bonding between husbands and wives. According to Dr Donald Joy, a couple bonds most closely when they move slowly and systematically through the various stages of intimacy during their courtship and early marriage. When later stages are reached prematurely, such as when couples kiss passionately on the first date, or have sexual intercourse shortly thereafter, something precious is lost and the bonding is short-circuited.

The strongest marriages often occur where couples have walked slowly and deliberately through the progressive stages of physical intimacy, saving sexual consummation for the honeymoon. This concept is important for singles, but it also has something to say for married couples as well. Husbands and wives often make the mistake of rushing their intimacy, or taking it for granted.

But they also bond together best when they journey through the steps of intimacy regularly during their daily lives. Touching, talking, holding hands, gazing into one another's eyes and building memories are as important to partners in their midlife years, as to rambunctious 20-year-olds.

So, to lovers of all ages I say, slow it down; make it last; take your time.

From TODAY, Voices – Tuesday, 21-Jul-2009

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Monday, July 20, 2009

The Marriage Train

An arranged marriage between Louis XIV of Fran...Image via Wikipedia

By Dr James Dobson

Do you ever feel like you just don't love your spouse anymore?

The fact is, love is not dependent on our feelings and emotions. The fact is feelings come and go. None of us always feels intensely romantic and loving toward our spouse.

In a genuine love relationship, there are times of closeness and caring, but there are also times of distance and disinterest.

And worst of all, there are times of apathy when a couple feels nothing at all. Emotions are very unstable. And you can't build anything so permanent on something so shaky.

The key to a lifelong love is found in a commitment of the will, which is like the engine on a train. It'll keep you moving down the right track. Once you make up your mind to have a successful marriage, no matter what, you'll no longer be shaken by the ebb and flow of emotions.

Which end of the train is pulling your marital relationship? It's a question worth pondering.

From TODAY, Voices – Monday, 20-Jul-2009

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Marriage Garden

Composite image to illustrate the diversity of...Image via Wikipedia

By Dr Bill Maier

You wouldn't plant a garden and then sit back and hope it grows. Gardens take time and effort in order to flourish.

The same is true for your marriage. Good relationships need tending in order to grow strong and vibrant.

Like a garden, we need to take the effort each day to turn the soil, pull the weeds, and give the roots plenty of water.

That means taking time each day to talk and share with each other—even if it's just for 10 minutes.

Ask your spouse about their day, and tell them about yours. It means doing things together.

If you don't have a hobby that both of you enjoy doing, then find one.

And carve out regular times from your schedule to enjoy it.

Set a regular date night away from the kids, even if it's just for a quick tea or coffee. It's a great way to unwind and reconnect.

Don't let your most precious garden go unattended.

From TODAY, Voices - Friday, 17-Jul-2009

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Ordinary Days?

Havasu Falls near Supai, Arizona. The water is...Image via Wikipedia

By Dr Bill Maier

Kids need parents as much as they need air and water.

Our acceptance and approval are critical to their sense of self-worth.

That's why it's important to look for opportunities to connect with our kids, and build into their future.

Use mornings as a time of encouragement.

Experts say that the first five minutes you spend with your child are the most important, so don't take that time lightly.

Give them a big hug and a hearty smile, and let that set the tone for the entire day.

After school, ask them how their studies went.

Talk to them about whatever is on their mind, whether it's sports or friends, or even girls.

And listen.

This is how you get to know what's going on in their world.

Finally, put them to bed with a hug, and another word of encouragement.

From TODAY, Voices - Thursday, 16-Jul-2009

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