From Voices
TODAY, Monday July 28, 2008
SARAH SUM-CAMPBELL
ANSLEY Ng’s lament in “Helping singles meet singles” (July 25) put a smile on my face.
He sounds like a “typical” Singaporean who, without the right incentives dangling before him, is unable to muster enough oomph to follow his heart.
Social skills and the art of relating is something one acquires, much like table manners. When babies first learn how to eat, they smear food all over their mouths and get mucky and dirty.
Much like the process of finding a mate, I reckon. A person looks at a spread before him/her and asks if it’s all that worthwhile diving in and getting mucky and dirty in the process of learning about another person.
Then there are the mistakes made, heartaches and starting over if the relationship does not work.
Finding a mate and being together is a process. The most rewarding thing about being with a partner and raising a child is that deep sense of belonging and acceptance. In a good marriage, each endeavours to be for the another the person of one’s dreams. There is no such thing as marrying a Prince Charming, or a Sleeping Beauty.
When a child comes along, giving the little one space and room to explore, discover and grow is about the hardest thing I find about being a mother. But that joy when your flesh and blood gushes in gibberish toddler language is worth putting your career on standstill if your employer does not realise that the best employees are probably the ones with children — these know what commitment and hard work is.
We can sit on the side and wonder what the experience is all about but I believe the best marriages are the ones where couples throw everything into making things work. And then throw away the “exit” keys. These couples know there is no turning back, especially when children come along.
When we marry someone just for their beauty or wealth, very soon, life may become one of staying together out of obligation or for fear of losing all the things that come with it.
It is all too easy to ask the Government to do the thinking and pay for extras so that citizens can learn social skills, gets proper schooling and childcare et cetera. In the end, it is really up to the individual to find a spouse, make a marriage work and bring up a child with good moral values.
Just like Ansley Ng knows, all the opportunities are there. What we make out of our own life is completely in our hands.
At the age of 80, when you wish for a companion to go for a stroll by the beach, the Government will not be there to hold your frail hands or sit with you for a cup of kopi-o. Hopefully, your partner will be by your side, along with your children or grandchildren. Or should we hope that the Government pay someone to keep us company and hold our frail hands?
The writer is a Singaporean who has just returned to live in Singapore. She is married with a young child.
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