Developing an "Anger Contract"

From FOCUS ON THE FAMILY, Today, 28 Feb 2008 edition

By Dr Bill Maier

 

Developing an "Anger Contract"

 

I love being married, and my spouse is wonderful. But every now and then,

we still get irritated with each other.

 

One of us will say something that offends the other and before you know it,

we’re both angry.

 

If you’re married, then you know what I mean. No matter how well

two people get along, conflict in a marriage is inevitable.

 

But according to authors David and Claudia Arp, there is a right and wrong way

to argue. They suggest that couples draw up an “anger contract” to help them

work out these difficult times.

 

The wording needs to be agreed upon by both parties, but each contract

should include a few key elements such as an agreement to acknowledge

your anger to each other at the first sign of trouble.

 

Both of you should also agree to not attack each other personally – focus on the problem,

not your spouse, and to be willing to get outside help and advice if a solution cannot be found.

It’s a simple idea, but it can go a long way towards developing a solid relationship.