Thursday, February 28, 2008

Another Hot Potato



“Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a

quarrelsome wife.” [or husband] (Proverbs 21:9, NIV)


NOTE: The principles in today’s Daily Encounter apply

to any significant relationship.


God hates divorce. True! Who doesn’t? Ask any divorced person.

Divorce is extremely painful. It (and the causes of it) tears families apart.

But keep in mind there are many other things God hates too. This includes

gossip, legalism, dishonesty, self-righteousness, a judgmental attitude,

fighting, quarrelling, married folks living a lie, etc., etc., etc.


Today’s Scripture verse also reminds us that it is better to separate

from a consistently quarrelsome partner. In fact the same message

is repeated in Proverbs 25:24! God does this when hammering home

a point!


When all else fails, whether destructively fighting couples should just

separate rather than get divorced, or if divorced people should get

remarried will need to be decided by those involved. Unless we have

walked in another’s shoes, we rarely know what is right or wrong

for others to do. While a marriage should be saved at all costs if possible,

the reality is that some relationships are impossible and extremely destructive.


However, more important than getting married, divorced or remarried

is to realize that any serious relational conflict needs to be God’s wakeup call

for one to face him/herself and resolve his/her personal problems and issues.

Those who don’t do this are destined to repeat past mistakes. It’s either

resolution or repetition!


Having worked in the area of divorce recovery for the last decade,

I have found that most divorced people primarily blame their spouse

for their failed relationships while the reality is that there are no

innocent parties. Each partner is contributing something… even if

one is just being a too-nice-doormat, a peace-at-any-price insecure person,

or not having healthy boundaries, and so on.


What we need to realize, as I have said many times, is that we are

as healthy or as sick as the people we are attracted to. So if we want

to be attracted to healthy partners and friends, we need to be

healthy persons. We can get great insight about ourselves by looking

at the people we are attracted and drawn to -- especially romantically

drawn to! The big turn-on is pretty much the magnetic pull of our neuroses

(our unresolved personality problems and character issues).


Thus, whether getting remarried or married for the first time,

the important issue is not FINDING the right person but BEING

the right person.


Suggested prayer, “Dear God, please help me in all relational conflicts

to face the reality of what I contribute, and why I was attracted

to this person in the first place. And please lead me to the help I need

to resolve my issues so that I will become healthy, whole, and mature

and be attracted to a healthy, whole, and mature partner and friends.

Gratefully in Jesus’ name. Amen.”

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