From TODAY, Voices

Wednesday December 24, 2008

 

By Dr James Dobson

 

Some parents refer to their children as the “apple” of their eye, but one mum I know affectionately thinks of her kids as the “star” in the apple.

 

This mother discovered one day that by cutting an apple horizontally across the middle instead of coring it and slicing it in wedges from top to bottom, something new and striking appeared. A perfect five-point star was formed by the tiny seeds at the centre. The star had been there all along but she’d never seen it because she always approached the apple from a different point of view.

 

Most of us look at kids in a certain way. We see them, perhaps, as lazy or irritating or demanding. But children are infinitely complex, and we may be overlooking qualities of character that we’ve never seen before.

 

If we try to see them through fresh eyes every now and then, we may stumble onto a whole new wonderful dimension to their personalities that escaped us before. So start looking at your children from a new angle. There is, I promise, a star tucked away inside every boy and girl. 

 

From TODAY, Voices

Tuesday December 23, 2008

 

By Dr James Dobson

 

It was Dec 23, 1818, in the small Austrian village of Oberndorf. Father Josef Mohr had begun preparing the music for the Christmas Eve service at his church.

 

That evening, he attended the town Christmas play, then made his way up a nearby mountain overlooking the city.

 

There he sat, taking in the beauty of the evening darkness and the starlit sky overhead.

 

He reached home around midnight and sat down to pen a new song, one which could be played on the guitar, because the church organ was broken.

 

With the freshness of the mountain evening still on his mind, he began to write. All the while, the words flowed from his pen.

 

The next morning he asked his organist, Franz Gruber, to put a tune to the poem, something that could be played on a guitar. A few hours later, the task was accomplished.

 

And so it was, on Christmas Eve, 1818, that Father Mohr sang tenor and Franz Gruber sang bass, as the tiny town of Oberndorf heard for the first time a simple new song, a song that has since touched millions of lives around the world.

 

They called it Stille Nacht. You and I know it as Silent Night. 

 

Don't Stop Helping

From TODAY, Voices

Monday December 22, 2008

 

By Dr James Dobson

 

Somebody once said that ages one to 21 are when you do what your parents tell you to do, ages 21 to 65 are when you do what you have to do, and ages 65 and over are when you do whatever you want to do.

 

Well, if you ask me, I’d say that “doing whatever you want to do” is bad advice. It’s a raw deal, and everybody loses. Here’s why.

 

First, it’s unhealthy to focus on yourself, and to stop helping others.

 

Secondly, retired folks are in a unique position to help single parents, or to mentor children. These young people need somebody who’s not running at the speed of light to spend a little time with them, to do simple things, like read a book to them.

 

I might remind you that all of the stuff we accumulate, and most of our achievements, will lie rotting in the dump someday. But what will last forever is the love we’ve given, the lives we’ve nurtured, the relationships we’ve cultivated, and the hearts we’ve touched.

 

Now that’s a children’s inheritance worth spending. It’s priceless! 

 

From TODAY, Voices

Friday December 19, 2008

 

By Dr James Dobson

 

There’s a big, hairy monster in your life, and he’s waiting to destroy your marriage.

 

The monster I’m talking about is “busyness.” And he’s broken up more marriages than you and I could count.

 

The worst part is, he does it almost completely unnoticed.

 

You start out your marriage completely enamored with each other. All you want to do is be together. But then along come kids, an apartment and a career that puts you on the fast track.

 

Before you know it, you’re moving so fast that you forget what your spouse looks like.

 

And then you can’t remember the last time you went out on a date, or had a romantic evening alone.

 

And that’s when the busyness monster does his greatest damage. Don’t let it happen.

 

Take time for each other each day – even if you have to schedule it into your calendar. Marriage is too important to leave to chance. 

 

TURN OFF THE COMPUTER, GET SOME SLEEP

From TODAY, Voices

Thursday December 18, 2008

 

By Dr Bill Maier

 

The “World Wide Web” is a great tool, but it can easily lead to “World Wide Worries.”

 

One older woman recently went to her doctor convinced that she had an incurable disease. The doctor told her she was fine and sent her home.

 

But a few weeks later she was back in his office, sure that she had another fatal illness. Again he assured her she was healthy.

 

This pattern repeated several times before the doctor discovered the problem. She’d been staying up late surfing medical sites on the Internet. He told her the best thing she could do for her health was to turn off the computer and get some sleep.

 

The Internet is a great tool for research, but you can’t believe everything you read. Not all information is current or accurate.

 

So, before getting your medical advice online, make sure you know who’s dishing it out. And remember, even the best advice is no substitute for a good family doctor. 

 

From TODAY, Voices

Wednesday December 17, 2008

 

By Dr Bill Maier

 

Any mother can tell you that boys and girls are wired differently. Most little boys are naturally drawn toward laser guns and action figures.

 

They’d rather play race cars and rocket ships than eat ice cream. Well … maybe not ice cream, but you get the point.

 

Mothers who didn’t grow up around boys often have a hard time dealing with this fact.

 

Many parenting experts have told us that guns and tanks are bad for kids, so a lot of moms forbid these kinds of toys.

 

But this attempt to “feminise” little boys is not only naïve; it’s unhealthy. Let boys be boys!

 

As long as play doesn’t get too aggressive, don’t discourage your sons from playing “good guy versus bad guy.” Just make sure the good guys win! 

 

From TODAY, Voices

Tuesday December 16, 2008

 

By Dr Bill Maier

 

A failure to forgive has ruined more marriages than perhaps any other human frailty.

 

When we become too proud to let go of a grievance or to accept a sincere apology, we have all but destined our marriage to failure.

 

The first step in developing a divorce-proof marriage is learning to forgive. Forgiving a spouse doesn’t mean denying that they’ve hurt us in some way. It’s simply acknowledging that we’re all human and we all make mistakes.

 

It also doesn’t minimise what happened. You’re not saying to your spouse: “What you did isn’t important.”

 

Any time someone wrongs another person, the offence is important. What you’re saying to them is: “I believe you’re sorry, and I choose to forgive you. Because our marriage is too important for me to do otherwise”.

 

To extend forgiveness, and to ask forgiveness when we’ve done wrong, is the cornerstone of every successful marriage. 

 

ADVICE FOR NEW MOTHERS

From TODAY, Voices

Monday December 15, 2008

 

By Dr Bill Maier

 

Having a new baby in the house is an exciting experience, but it can also be pretty overwhelming.

 

New mothers have a way of wanting to do everything themselves. They care for the baby around the clock and completely throw themselves into the job of motherhood. They also tend to over worry about every little bump or sniffle.

 

This can easily lead to exhaustion. The best advice I give new mothers is, don’t be afraid to ask for help. If you have friends or family nearby, accept their offers of food or babysitting on occasion.

 

Also, get to know other new mothers. Maybe you can join a support group or your local community club.

 

Above all, learn to relax and enjoy your precious little gift. He or she will be grown before you know it. 

 

JESUS is the reason for the season!

Santa and Jesus

 

Santa lives at the North Pole. Jesus is everywhere.

Santa rides in a sleigh. Jesus rides on the wind and walks on the water.

Santa comes but once a year. Jesus is an everpresent help.

Santa fills your stockings with goodies. Jesus supplies all your needs.

Santa comes down your chimney uninvited. Jesus stands at your door and knocks and then enters your heart.

You have to stand in line to see Santa. Jesus is as close as the mention of His Name.

Santa lets you sit on his lap. Jesus lets you rest in His arms.

Santa doesn't know your name, all he can say is, "Hi little boy or girl, what's your name?"

Jesus knew our name before we did. Not only does He know our name, He knows our address, too. He knows our history and future and He even knows how many hairs are on our head.

Santa has a belly like a bowlful of jelly. Jesus has a heart full of love.

All Santa can offer is "Ho, ho, ho!" Jesus offers health, help and hope.

Santa says, "You better not cry." Jesus says, "Cast all your cares on me for I care for you."

Santa's little helpers makes toys. Jesus makes new life, mends wounded hearts, repairs broken homes and builds mansions.

Santa may make you chuckle, but Jesus gives you joy that is your strength.

While Santa puts gifts under the tree, Jesus became our gift and died on the tree.

 

It's obvious there really is no comparison. We need to remember WHO Christmas is all about. We need to put Christ back in Christmas. Jesus is still the reason for the season.

 

May the Lord bless and watch over you and your loved ones this Christmas. And may He prosper and bless the work of your hands in the New Year ahead.

 

From TODAY, Voices

Friday December 12, 2008

 

By Dr James Dobson

 

Psychologists used to believe that attention deficit disorder, or ADD, went away when children reached puberty. That’s what I was taught in graduate school.

 

But we now know that the problem is a lifelong condition.

 

Many adults with ADD learn to be less disorganised and impulsive as they get older. They channel their energy into sports and often gravitate toward professions that keep them active and busy. Many function quite well in life, as long as they can stay away from desk jobs. Outside of work, these adults are often attracted to high-risk activities such as rock-climbing and bungee jumping.

 

Others, however, have trouble settling on a career or holding down a job. They flit from one task to another and seldom follow through on projects they start. They are usually more susceptible to drug use, alcoholism or other addictive behaviours.

 

If you’re the parent of a child with ADD, the key is to hang on and not lose heart. Teach them to channel their energies while they’re young and chances are, they will use that same approach when they reach adulthood. The odds are that they will grow to be happy and productive people, well into their later years. 

 

BONDING DURING COURTSHIP

From TODAY, Voices

Thursday December 11, 2008

 

By Dr James Dobson

 

When I was a kid, I always wanted to build a model airplane out of balsa like my friends did, but I was never successful. Why? Simply because I was too impatient to wait for the glue to dry. I just couldn’t keep my hands off the pieces long enough for them to congeal.

 

A researcher, Dr Desmond Morris, spent years trying to determine why some couples have difficulty experiencing true intimacy together. He found that the problem can usually be traced to courtship days when the bond between young men and women failed to develop. What interfered with that bond? It was the tendency to rush into physical intimacy too early in the relationship.

 

Instead of taking the time to know each other to talk, laugh, and share their lover’s secrets, they began passionate kissing on the first date and were in bed shortly thereafter.

 

This rush to sexual experimentation actually interferes with the development of emotional intimacy and it continues to weaken the marital bond even years later.

 

The bottom line is this: Couples expecting to marry someday should slow down the progression of their physical relationship. Friendship must come first if the bond is to be cemented.

 

In other words, they need to wait for the glue to dry. 

 

OF MACHINES AND MEN

From TODAY, Voices

Wednesday December 10, 2008

 

By Dr James Dobson

 

A few years ago I saw a computerised chess set in a store featuring a sign inviting customers to play the game. I took the bait.

 

The device had a mechanical arm that reached out and moved the pieces. That was impressive enough. What bothered me, however, was its smug attitude. The device was programmed to taunt mere mortals like me. On the end of its mechanical arm were two hand-like devices that clapped wildly when it made a tricky move. It led me into a deadly trap and then sat there and applauded itself.

 

I can’t tell you how intimidating it was to be mocked by a machine that knew I wasn’t so hot and then told everybody in the store about it. But in a sense, that encounter is symbolic of the confusing times in which we live. New technology stresses our ability to cope and understand. Everything seems more complicated compared to the old days when life was slower and more predictable.

 

That’s why I’m glad there’s still a place in this world for that which is low-tech, or notech, such as cuddly dogs, walks in the park and friends coming over for tea. We can’t stop the onslaught of technology, but we can still enjoy the simple things in life. 

 

From TODAY, Voices

Tuesday December 9, 2008

 

By Dr James Dobson

 

Many studies are showing now that instability in the marital relationship has a profound effect on children. For example, researchers at the Oregon Social Learning Centre tracked the behaviour of 201 school boys who lived in higher crime areas. They found that the boys who had sexual intercourse at an early age tended to be those who had experienced two or more parental transitions, divorce, remarriage, or re-partnering. Only 18 per cent of those promiscuous boys came from intact families. By contrast, 57 per cent of the virgins came from homes where divorce had not occurred.

 

A similar study found that a strong correlation existed between young women who bore babies out of wedlock and those who had been through a change in family structure while growing up. In study after study, we see that divorce, single parenting, and disruption are unhealthy for children.

 

This is not to criticise anyone in those circumstances, but we cannot deny that intact, two-parent families are the healthiest for kids, and contribute to a stable society. Our public policies and our tax laws should favour and encourage family stability. 

 

From TODAY, Voices

Friday December 5, 2008

 

By Dr Bill Maier

 

Experts have spent a lot of effort trying to pinpoint why some women struggle with anorexia or bulimia or other eating disorders.

 

They’ve blamed everything – from a chemical imbalance to it being heredity – yet still admit that they really cannot say for sure.

 

Doctors often put the blame on parents, and parents point to the hundreds of magazine and TV ads showing pencil thin models as the standard for beauty.

 

Everyone you talk to has a different take on the subject. But there’s one thing that they all agree on: Eating disorders are brought on by low self-esteem.

 

How we feel about ourselves affects every aspect of our lives — including our diet.

 

And the first step in curing a disorder is to begin accepting yourself. Sometimes it takes a good therapist to help you get to that point, so don’t be afraid to call someone if you struggle with this issue. 

 

From TODAY, Voices

Thursday December 4, 2008

 

By Dr Bill Maier

 

It’s not unusual for a wife to want to talk about the state of her marriage.

 

“Are we close enough?”

 

“Is there something more we should be doing?”

 

Some women have a tendency to worry, even when things are going well. But men tend to think: “If it ain’t broke, why fix it?”

 

And this can cause a lot of friction — especially when women mistake their contentment for apathy.

 

Simply being aware of these differences can help. When a wife brings up a topic, it doesn’t mean that something is wrong.

 

She just needs to talk in order to be reassured. And when your husband pulls into a shell, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t care. It could just be his personality.

 

Before jumping to conclusions, try to recognise how your mate deals with conflict. A little understanding goes a long way toward diffusing marital strife. 

 

A HEALTHY VIEW OF DATING

From TODAY, Voices

Wednesday December 3, 2008

 

By Dr Bill Maier

 

How far is too far in a dating relationship? It’s something you should talk about with your children long before they start dating.

 

Conversations about dating may seem awkward, but they need to happen.

 

And it’s important to be clear about your expectations.

 

For example, it’s not enough to simply warn your daughter not to get “too physical” with a boy.

 

She may have an entirely different view of what you mean by “too physical”. The key is to be specific, and leave no room for misunderstanding.

 

Also, make sure they understand the family standards for dating.

 

Set clear rules regarding curfews and conduct. And be clear about where they are and aren’t allowed to go – and with whom.

 

Above all, make sure they understand that healthy boundaries in dating exist for their own protection.