Friday, July 09, 2010

The Comparison Trap

By Dr James Dobson

Have you played the “if only” game? It goes like this: If only my wife was more like Judy. She fixes exotic dinners, keeps a sparkling house and even goes golfing with her husband.

Or if only my husband was like Johnny. He is always giving flowers to his wife, takes her dancing and does not slurp on his soup during dinner.

What is wrong with comparisons like these? For one thing, the conclusions we draw are based on a distortion. We are equating the obvious flaws and shortcomings of a person we know intimately with the public image of the person we idealise. That individual is imperfect too, though it may not be as apparent across a crowded room.

Besides, the comparison game insults our marriage partner and weakens the bond that makes a relationship successful. In other words, everyone loses when we engage in this mind game. We should seek to elevate each other as husband and wife: That’s the best way I know to make marriage go the distance.

From TODAY, Voices - Friday, 09-July-2010

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