By Dr James Dobson
Have you ever played the "if only" game? I've played it, and I'm pretty sure you have too. All it takes is yourself, your spouse and one other person. The game goes like this: If only my wife was more like Judy. She fixes exotic dinners every night. She keeps a sparkling house. She even goes golfing with her husband when he wants her to. Or if only my husband was like Johnny. He's always bringing flowers for his wife, and he takes her dancing. And he doesn't slurp his soup at the dinner table. What's wrong with comparisons like these? For one thing, the conclusions we draw are based on a distortion. We're equating the obvious flaws and shortcomings of a person we know intimately with the public image of the person we idealise.
In other words, that individual is imperfect too, though it may not be as apparent across a crowded room. Besides, the comparison game is specifically designed to insult our marriage partner, and weaken the bond that makes a relationship successful. We should seek to elevate each other as husband and wife; that's the best way I know to make marriage go the distance.
From TODAY, Voices – Monday, 31-Aug-2009
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