Thursday, July 10, 2008


A late post…


VOICES 22 Tuesday July 8 2008 TODAY


By Dr James Dobson


It’s not the fights that should worry us, but it’s what happens when the fights are over. Almost all marital partners experience conflict from time to time, and these minor confrontations can actually be healthy to the relationship. A verbal spat, within reasonable limits, can open windows and give the couple a chance to vent frustrations. The important question, however, is what happens after the fight.


In healthy relationships, a period of confrontation ends in forgiveness, drawing together, deeper respect and understanding and sometimes, sexual satisfaction. But, in unstable marriages, conflict is never entirely resolved. This is a dangerous situation where the consequences of one battle begin to overlap with a prelude to the next. Obviously we’d like to avoid this outcome.


It’s a good idea for couples to take a close look at themselves after a fight winds down. Are there things that you’ve said or done that have aggrieved your partner? Do you need to ask forgiveness for attacking your spouse’s self-worth, instead of focusing on the issues that divided you? Are there substantive matters that haven’t yet been resolved? Set aside some time to deal with them. With a little practice, we can turn each of our conflicts into solid opportunities for growth and new understanding.

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