Raising Teens: Save Your Energy for Crucial Confrontations

From FOCUS ON THE FAMILY, Today, 01-May-2008 edition

 

Raising Teens: Save Your Energy

For Crucial Confrontations

By Dr James Dobson

 

One of the most delicate aspects of raising a teenager

is figuring out what’s worth a showdown and what isn’t.

 

I remember talking to a waitress, a single mother, in a restaurant

a few years ago. When she found out I was a psychologist,

she began telling me about her 12-year-old daughter.

“We’ve fought tooth and nail for an entire year,” she said.

“It’s been awful! We go at it every night – usually over

the same issue.” “What’s that?” I asked. “Well, she’s still

a little girl, but she wants to shave her legs. And I feel

she’s too young, but she gets so angry, she won’t even talk

to me.”

 

I looked her in the eye and said, “Go buy your daughter

a shaver.” That 12-yearold girl was paddling into a time of life

that would rock her river good and hard.

 

As a single parent, her mother would soon be trying to keep

this rebellious teenager from getting into drugs, alcohol, sex

and pregnancy. Truly, there would be many ravenous alligators

in her river within a year or two. In that setting, it seemed unwise

to make a big deal over what was essentially a non-issue.

 

I’ve seen other parents fight similar battles over what were really

inconsequential issues. I urge you not to damage your friendship

with your children over behaviour that has no great moral significance.

There will be plenty of real issues that require you to stand like a rock.

Save your energy for those crucial confrontations.